Writing left handed

The Single Bridezilla “Debate” Rages On

Whoddathunkit?  The Single Bridezilla “debate” rages on over at the Daily Mail (142 comments and counting!) and even though I know I shouldn’t even bother reading anymore, I can’t help myself.  The things people will say when they have nothing better to do with their time (and the internet to assure their anonymity) shall never cease to amaze me—especially because this whole Single Bridezilla thing isn’t nearly the big deal that everyone is making it out to be.

I’ve got to hand it to the Brits—being the descendents of Shakespeare and all, their insults far outweigh those of their American cousins.  I particularly enjoyed “Good God, where did this chin sniffer get that nose !!! Looks like she’s done a 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym.”  I had to read that one several times before I got it, so I thank you for that dose of amusement Grant from Wilts.

I also liked “who NOSE when they will marry!! God NOSE!!”  Very clever (and given the provenance of this particular comment, I’m to understand the people from Wilts—wherever the hell Wilts is—must be very beautiful to take such an interest in suggesting various plastic surgeries for me).

I am also grateful to Sally from Spain—it’s good to know that people from the Iberian Peninsula are also concerned about the hideousness of my profile.

In addition to the nose comments, which are outnumbered only by the “Run away!” comments, I’ve been called “Amy Winehouse’s ugly sister,” “grotesque,” a “completely pointless bimbo,” and a “huge disservice”  to “our gender.”  Then there are the bunny-boiler remarks.  Four at last count.  Since when did “bunny-boiler” become the insult of choice?  Evidently, I’m way behind on these things.

By the time Wednesday evening rolled around, I was so overwhelmed—not just by the comments but by all of the phone calls, emails and interview requests I’ve received in the wake of this whole thing—that when I called The Wedding Date to ask if he’d be okay with me sending a photo of the two of us to another news source, I totally broke down.

We’re talking tears… runny nose… sobbing into the phone… the whole nine yards.

Fortunately he was in the process of taking down his Star Wars-themed Christmas tree at the time and Star Wars always puts him a good mood (I’m pretty sure, in fact, that there was more playing-with-his-action-figures going on than putting-them-away) so when I started bawling over the fact that I didn’t want this whole “thing” to come between us, he assured me that it wouldn’t, that he was proud of me and that he supported me in all of my “bridezilla” glory, 100%.


On another positive note, I was so exhausted while driving to my brother’s new apartment to borrow a camera last night that I got lost (well, I’ll blame the exhaustion anyway… we all know my navigational prowess is subpar on a good day) and when I pulled over to try to regain my bearings, I FINALLY figured out how the use the GPS feature on my Droid.

It wasn’t actually that difficult.

Which brings me back to my earlier point: I’m not a bimbo.  And I don’t need a man to “validate my existence” or, while we’re on the subject, to teach me how to use my GPS (although your comment on the subject did help, Zak).  I’m well aware that what I’m about to say pertains primarily to women, and primarily to women of the heternormative paradigm, in which the so-called “wedding industrial complex” definitely plays a huge role, but who doesn’t like to play dress up?  Who doesn’t like to daydream about their wedding?

39 Responses to “The Single Bridezilla “Debate” Rages On”

  1. siobhan

    haha! the Daily Mail website is a fruitful stomping ground for the borderline personality-disordered. Wilts = Wiltshire, I have never been there. If you’ve done something that online-discussion board commenters get upset by, you’re probably doing the right thing! but do stop reading the comments, they’re guaranteed to make you feel paranoid about everything. lots of trans-atlantic love xxx

  2. Ciiku

    I dreamt about my wedding for a long long while.
    I knew what my colours were before I was married, I knew what kind of dress I wanted to wear [although I ended up with something different], I even had a picture of the engagement ring I wanted so really… I am not seeing the big deal. And really, is anything ever that serious??
    You are awesome and I enjoyed the news piece.
    Greetings from Kenya by the way. Love your blog.

  3. CaptainPhoenixRising

    My dear friend… you are beautiful, smart, funny, talented, etc. etc. Don’t forget that it was all of those qualities that got you GMA and Marie Clare. Take whatever you can from this and make it work for you! There are more of us out there who know and love you, then there are crazies who just want to be snarky and mean. Upward and onward! (And tell the Wedding Date that he is awesome…)

  4. Marilou Loulou

    You’re right, stop reading this.
    People are so stupid and insensitive…
    Stop reading the Daily Mail!!!!

  5. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Awww Kat, I’m so sorry that idiots who hide behind a keyboard feel they have the right to insult and throw jabs. As stated above, ignore the haters. They have to go thru life like that versus being the intelligent, beautiful and funny person that you are!

    I haven’t been commenting of late, but rest assured, I never miss a post of yours. I couldn’t let this one pass by without letting you know that you have a ‘sister’ in all those shitty nose comments. I got them for years and years (to my face). You are better than the haters and ya’ know what? The Wedding Date (who I think I may love ~ he sounds like such a terrific guy and I’m so happy for you) is really the only opinion that should matter to you. Actually, yours is the only opinion that should matter with TWD coming in a close second. 😉

  6. sarahnsh

    I just met a lady yesterday who I was looking around for wedding dresses for myself and her eyes lit up. She told me she had been planning her wedding day her entire life and she knows exactly what to do. It’s what most girls do … except me. I hate the whole process of it and just want to be married already.

  7. Megan T

    “psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then as ascribed to the outside world, usually other people. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted unconscious impulses or desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them. An example of this behavior might be blaming another for self failure.” Wikipedia

    Another example of this is people commenting on your nose and the idea of dreaming about your wedding day. This is why I love psychology! Watch what you say to another person because you don’t realize how much you are also saying about yourself.

  8. Helen

    People that read the Daily Mail are crazies and people that post comments on the Daily Mail website are the craziest of all. I only ever read the comments section of the Daily Hate if decide I need some motivational anger.

  9. Rachel

    I read the comments on stories a lot because it’s like the Kramer – I can’t look away. People say mean things about everyone – it’s crazy! It’s classic mean girl middle school behavior.

  10. Landlord

    As we discussed last night, if you can bring your blog forward, getting your book published, with all of the accompanying hoopla., soon the world will know that you are not just 2.5 mins of a GMA segment.

    Don’t forget that you got three times your normal hits yesterday because of the segment, so some good is already coming from this. DITTO to Megan T’s post. What have they done w/ their lives to be fascinating enough to be interviewed by a major network news show?

    Put the blinders on, point your newly acquired GPS skills towards BOOK DEAL and keep on moving forward 😉

  11. casespace

    GPS has saved me many, many times. And I don’t even have the kind that talks.

    But I digress. First of all, I’ve always been impressed by your poise and beauty, Kat. Those people don’t know you from a can of paint, and are using the internet to spew there vitriol, as is often done on the internet, where internet thugs and gangsters hang.

    As far as the whole idea of dreaming of your wedding–it’s done by countless others. I was thinking to myself just the other day that planning ahead or envisioning anything in one’s life isn’t silly but rather hopeful and shows that something is meaningful and significant to that person. It’s not pathetic and it’s not off-putting, as someone said. And someone also made the lame comment that planning ahead for something means it won’t happen. That rationale is almost license to never foresee or look forward to anything.

  12. Tif

    Stop reading those comments ASAP! You did an awesome job on GMA! I was sitting on my couch with a sick baby and you brightened my day. You haven’t aged a day since college and looked HOT in those dresses! I love that you are planning ahead and saving money. Plus, I really don’t understand why they make it such a big deal. Everyone and their brother – or should I say sister – is technically “planning” their wedding on Pinterest. I started gathering things for my marriage in my hope chest when I was a little girl and started my baby layette before getting pregnant. Planning ahead is a natural part of life. Best of luck!

    • Kat Richter

      Tiffany! Goodness, it’s been ages! But I have checked out your Facebook pics and your kids are adorable (clearly well worth the pre-planning on your part!) 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  13. Philly Tap Teaser

    Publishing is so intertwined with internet presence that they are almost the same thing. If you wanted to publish something right now, you could. Nothing stopping you. There are new e-book retailers every day. Amazon and Apple are cultivating their own stables of authors. The days of the big book tour and 100K advance are over. But in today’s world, authors – not books – are the brands. If these appearances help you build your brand, then keep doing them. If an appearance doesn’t help build your brand and somehow support what you want to write or are writing right now, then it might not be the right opportunity.

  14. Philly Tap Teaser

    Oops, hit send too quickly. 🙂 The comments are just a way for sites to measure interest. If anything, the hundreds of comments can work in your favor!

  15. Oh, my roaring 20's...

    As someone who never dreamed of her wedding as a kid, and is now being taken for a ride by the evil Wedding Industry, I actually admire the way you combined common sense with romanticism. Makes me wish I had that kind of foresight.

    But it really amazes me how people – women, especially – can be so cruel to other people. Especially people they’ve never met! (not that being rude to someone’s face is acceptable, but at least there’s a level of accountability when the person you’re tearing down knows your name)
    The only reason why a woman ever seeks to bring another woman down is because she isn’t happy with herself. It’s playground basics. And it’s really rather sickening…

    Anyway, my point is, your nose – amongst many other things – is part of what makes you YOU. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like your nose (or any other body part) DOESN’T make you beautiful, because it absolutely does. People will talk, and there’s nothing you can do about that. But you can stop them from affecting the way you look at yourself. You are a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman and no one can take that away from you. 🙂

  16. Zak

    I’m reserving this here comment block. It will be a comment that in 1, 5, 10 years, I say, “hey, I commented on Kat’s blog, y’know, before she really hit it big time and wrote all those amazing things…” etc etc etc. So, I’m reserving it so that I can point back to this here comment block and say to my future wife, kids, dogs, friends and the like: “see! Isn’t that cool!”

  17. Corina

    Ha ha, I bet you don’t normally read the comments from online magazines articles :D. Believe me, there’s a huge difference between blog comments and online magazine comments. They’re all like that, for some reason people seem to feel better about themselves when they’re insulting others. So don’t worry, it’s nothing personal:). You should really stop reading them, you’re just harming yourself with no reason.

  18. Wendy

    I think you are smart, frugal and totally sensible. And you didn’t come off at all crazy. 🙂 I thought you were great. I LOVE your $12 dress. I enjoyed seeing you “in person”, as I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now., it was nice to see you live. Don’t let anything negative those idiots are saying get you down. They’re just petty.

  19. Jess Killmenow

    Well you know the price of fame and display such grace under its spotlight as all can admire or perhaps even covet.

    As I understand it the people of Wilts are renowned for their lack of table manners, personal hygiene and taste in women’s noses.

    But I am most disappointed. All this time I thought you were a bimbo. I was going to ask you out. 😦

  20. Ashley

    I have been reading your blog for a few months now and I find it to be fabulous. I am a single, 28 year old female who doesn’t plan her wedding but finds nothing wrong with you planning yours. Afterall, it is yours! Just keep being you, girl.

    I can’t figure out why people waste their time getting online and looking you up, just to write rude comments about you. What does your wedding planning have to do with their life? Nothing.

    PS – God did NOT make a mistake when He designed you. You’re perfect just the way you are. And from reading your blog, I bet Landlord, Chauffeur, Tech Support AND The Wedding Date agree. Who else matters? 🙂

  21. Ellen Rhudy

    I have to admit that I’ve never dreamed about my wedding, and I’m not one for playing dress-up; but also that, when I saw the tv piece (I totally followed the link from your blog, so thanks for that!) I thought…well, picking up a $12 wedding dress for an as-yet-not-in-the-planning wedding is about the same (though much cheaper) as my habit of ordering new shoes. For the job I don’t have yet, but MIGHT have six months from now…because not only do I not have a job requiring a $100 pair of black pumps, I don’t even live in the States.

    Second, I’m always amazed by the ability of people to be both cruel and stupid when they can hide behind the anonymity of the internet.

    And third, remind me to NEVER do an interview for a morning news show. (Because I’m sure that offer is coming. Soon. Right? Someone?) I can’t believe how much attention this is getting, and hope that it dies down soon so you can return to normal life (and to writing your always fantastic posts, about something besides the fallout of this marie claire piece).

    • Kat Richter

      Agreed! I’ll be happy if I never hear the words “Single Bridezilla” ever again! Thanks for reading and for adding your two cents (and I think that buying shoes before you have the job is totally permissible– especially if they’re on sale!)

  22. littlemissposh

    As an English girl from Surrey I can tell you that people here in the south of England – the main audience for the Daily Mail – are very judgemental! It’s true we all laugh at the DM. It’s the subject of many jokes here.

    I think it’s inspiring and absolutely WONDERFUL that you were willing to go on an intensely public forum and tell everyone that it’s perfectly fine to be organised and think ahead about huge events in your life. It’s perfectly natural! I love that! You know already how time consuming and difficult it is to organise events, and you’re being prepared. You looked beautiful in your dresses!

    You’re awesome, Kat! Been reading and loving the blog for months. Plus I totally second Ashley’s comment. ❤

  23. becky119

    Yeah, I really don’t understand why some people are so mean via the internet. Really it would be better if they had to post their own picture and let the world judge. Because really, how many women out there are actualy secure in their own body image? I think most judge because they are insecure to start with. Plus you’re adorable, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. (You know Cindy Crawford used to get made fun of for her mole. That mole that made her unique and way rich?)

    I’m pretty sure that I’ve been planning my wedding since I was old enough to know what a wedding was. The theme has changed many times. (I no longer want a Cinderella gown…) But yeah, the comment about the hope chest, that is SUCH a good point. Now I kind of wish I had one. 😦


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