Do I Look Fat in this Dress?

My biggest concerns in watching yesterday’s Good Morning America segment on Single Bridezillas were as follows:

1)      Would the producers make me look like a complete lunatic?

2)      Would I look fat in my grandmother’s wedding dress (or worse: fat in the $12 reception dress I scored at Jomar’s)?

3)      Would the sight of me in not one but two wedding dresses send The Wedding Date running for the hills?

24 hours later, I’m happy to report that I did not look like a complete lunatic (half lunatic, maybe, but not complete), that I looked “very pretty” according to one of my five year olds (and “skinny” according to the mother of one of my high school students) and that The Wedding Date did not go running for the hills, even when several of his friends texted him to say, “I just saw you on Good Morning America!  Is that the girl?”

(They showed three pictures of us together.  Three!)

Being rather new to the media circus, however (whoops—did I say “circus?”  I meant “circuit”), I had no idea that the story would be “picked up,” first by Jezebel and then The Daily Mail.  (Thanks, by the way, to everyone who has been posting the follow up stories on Facebook.)

This is why my concerns over the segment were rather benign.  What I should have been concerned about were the comments that followed.

Here are a few of my favorites:

“I can see why they have to be already planning their weddings while single; who’s going to marry them!”

– Lorena, SC, USA

(Evidently Lorena has yet to embrace the question mark.)

“Talk about desperate. Plus, isn’t a wedding as much a groom’s big day as the woman’s?”

– VCHorseGuy, CA USA

(Yes, because men are known for their love of wedding planning.  Show me a man who doesn’t love talking centerpieces.  And bouquets.  And cakes and processional music and bridesmaids dresses.)

“In a word, FREAKS. Any women that even half thinks like this you need to RUN AWAY from as soon as possible. They should plan to get a date, and plan to get a life first. Bunny boilers.”

– EUSSR, London

(Bunny boilers?  Really?  Besides, last I checked, I have actually have a date, and a life come to think of it.  Then again, I suppose said life would be a whole lot richer and more exciting if I had the time to sit around commenting on other people’s quirks.)

“[The Wedding Date] and Travis [the boyfriend of the other “Single Bridezilla” featured in the segment] should run away so fast they leave a trail of dust in their wake. They would be completely superfluous to these women if they weren’t needed to wear a suit and show up at the wedding. The only part of the wedding day (ceremony and celebration afterwards) that is of any real importance is the marriage vows and what they mean, and these women don’t seem to be thinking of those at all.”

– Ab, USA

(What?  Vows?  Shoot!  I guess I should have started working on those years ago.  Obviously I’ll make them nice and generic so I can just “insert groom here” like Kim Kardashian.)

And finally, my personal favorite:

“Wow, that woman should give up on these crazy ideas and use the money to have a nose job. That witch’s nose is vile.”

– Tracey, Bolton

I’ll admit, this last one hurt a bit but when I told The Wedding Date about it, he got angry.  Really angry.  He even used the “F” word.  Several times.  And he never uses the “F” word.  It was quite lovely, actually, plus he told me that he loved my nose so if Tracey from Bolton is reading this, please know that your comment only served to bring us closer together and that it’s impossible to get a nose job for $12 anyway.

There was, amongst the nonsense, one semi-rational comment:

“Please, this isn’t anything new. Ever heard of hope chests? Women have always planned for their wedding and marriage once they reach a marriageable age. Wedding dress, linens, household items. Not so long ago it was looked upon as the duty of a practical, forward-thinking woman to be prepared for her future husband. Now, it seems, public opinion would rather mock and vilify these women for simply being true to their naturally romantic, traditional natures and doing what generations of their mothers have done before them. How sad our society has become.”

– Nikki, Boise, USA

There!  Take that!  I’m not so crazy after all.  I’m just a “practical, forward-thinking woman” who is being true to my “naturally romantic” nature.  At least that’s why I’m going to keep telling myself.  Thoughts?

PS: If you missed yesterday’s segment, you can see it here (at least within the US… I keep trying to find a way to share it with everyone in the UK but my attempts have served only to remind me how frustrating it was trying to watch the American version of The Office when I lived in London).

PPS: For the follow up pieces and even more ridiculous comments, check out Jezebel and The Daily Mail.

46 Responses to “Do I Look Fat in this Dress?”

  1. Die Reise meines Leben

    I went straight to Daily Mail and found this comment:
    ————————————-
    Update: Kat and [The Wedding Date] parted their ways shortly after publication

    – Helen, Jersey,

    ————————————–
    Jeez..The things people say..

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      I know, right? That one totally cracked me up– especially since he’s been such a good sport throughout this whole thing.

      Reply
  2. Kara

    Wow! I mean, I expected some comments like that (NOT the nose one though, damn!) But some were certainly pretty harsh. I must have looked at the comments (on Jezebel) earlier, before some of these mean ones got posted, because I remember thinking yesterday that the comments were mostly favorable. There were a lot of women who agreed, or said they do something similar, or know people who have done this and it worked for them, etc. The negative ones I saw were mostly jealous, since they said things like “Maybe I could learn from these crazies, cause at least they have a boyfriend and I don’t” etc. The internet can be full of rude and mean people, but just know that those of us who actually know you think you looked great, didn’t come across any crazier than the rest of us, and did a great job. So to hell with the mean girls! 🙂

    Reply
  3. bloglvr

    The Wedding Date “Never” uses the “F” word??!! I KNEW I liked him!! 🙂

    Reply
  4. Meghan

    I loved your segment! You looked great, and really, the concept of planning a wedding before being engaged is nothing new – so you have no reason to be called crazy.

    I had Barbie dolls as a child, and every one of them married Ken in a lavish and carefully crafted ceremony.

    Congrats on all the success!

    Reply
  5. Corina

    (Oh my, he’s sooo cute!!!!)

    I’m not a wedding passionate, actually I quite hate the idea:)) and if it were for me I would probably just sign the papers and… that’s it! (long story, not the point here)

    But I am extremely pragmatic and a perfectionist, so I can perfectly understand you. If I could plan in advance something that’s very important for me, if I could make sure that I’ll have it exactly the way I want it, if planning ahead of time could help me save money, than… HELL YES! I would do it!

    We all have our dose of “crazyness”, but we should learn to see the difference between “cute crazy” and “pathological crazy”.

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      (Yes, I think so too 🙂 )

      And I agree– quirky/perfectionist/”cute crazy” are totally different than pathological/all-I-do-is-think-about-weddings-and-babies crazy!

      Reply
  6. CaptainPhoenixRising

    Thank you Nicki from Boise for a lovely voice of reason. In this crazy thing called life we need to be able to dream of something beautiful, and I wonder if all of the negative commenters have that ability. Life is short negative commenters! I thought it was a wonderful and fun experience that will continue to provide us with some giggles for a long time to come. (And none of them will be invited when we get to the actual wedding!) Enjoy your moment in the sun and know that there will be many more to come!

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      Amen to that! PS: Are you coming to the Oscars party? And PPS: If you are, are you going to wear your official PR feather boas? I’m totally planning to rock out my pink one 🙂

      Reply
      • CaptainPhoenixRising

        I am TOTALLY in for the Oscar party! And I had thought about wearing my boas…But only if they match the rest of my outfit which is still unknown… But I am hoping for lots of sequins!

        Reply
  7. Katie

    I love that last comment from Nikki. The thing is, just because you’re excited for your wedding and have a passion for planning it, doesn’t automatically mean you don’t care about the groom – whomever he may be. I’m not sure why people automatically jump to that conclusion by saying that it doesn’t even matter to you who the groom is – I mean, have they read your blog? Obviously not. I’d say you’re much more particular about the man than you are about the wedding, and anyone who cared to look into who you are would realize that.

    Also. I love, love, looooove that thrift store dress. It looks like it was made especially for you. And you have a rockin’ bod, so I hope you were joking about the fat comment. Television suits you! Though I have a feeling next time you’re on it, it will be as an interviewee about your writing – not as a faux bridezilla.

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      Thanks, Katie– your comment totally made me smile when it came through on my Droid earlier 🙂 And yeah, I didn’t even think about it that way but I would say you’re right: I am pretty damn picky when it comes to the men/man in my life! And yes… fingers crossed that this whole Bridezilla thing will eventually translate into something I’d actually LIKE to be known for (i.e. my writing, not my bridal magazine clippings– lol!)

      Reply
  8. Philly Tap Teaser

    The odd cognitive leap in both the article and the TV spot is that women who like to collect wedding items before they have the ring are also desperate to get married. Or that women who plan in advance are also on this simultaneous manhunt for a husband – any man will do. (Insert your own opinions about Kim Kardashian here). I think it’s an interesting commentary that, even in 2012, the prevailing ‘traditional’ attitude about the marriage ritual, (and this attitude, I think, fueled the negative comments), is that women must wait patiently for the man to present the engagement ring before they make any decisions about the day.

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      I know! I loved that comment about “women like me” who define ourselves by husbands/babies and nothing else. Yep, that’s me: husband and babies, husband and babies, HUSBAND and BABIES!!! Not “let’s produce another show” or “I want to go back to London” or “I’m gonna start my PhD soon” or “I’m writing a book” or “I just happen to like clothes and I sewed my own prom gown, so yeah, wedding gowns have always fascinated me.” Feminism (in its many different incarnations) seems to have boiled over into stay-at-home-moms resenting working-moms and vice versa, and marriage-minded women being “desperate bridezillas.” (And yes, I do consider myself a feminist, just not the sort of feminist who would call me a “disgrace to my gender” because I like wearing stilettos and daydreaming about my wedding.) So silly. And so sad.

      Reply
      • Philly Tap Teaser

        I was actually thinking about how this would tie into feminist theory, traditional gender roles, etc. (because I’m a nerd like that)! Why is it so anti-feminist, if you will, to enjoy looking at bridesmaid dresses and flower arrangements? Why is it anti-feminist to want to be married at some point in your life? Or, is it actually a feminist act NOT to wait for the ring? I’d also love to see someone take this ‘trend’ and examine the social implications of it for same-sex couples.

        Reply
  9. Karmaa

    Hi there! I found your story on the Times, and posted there, but I came to your site to tell you that I think you are very clever! Bargains never appear when you need them, so if you want a dress 2 or three months before the date, you will probably have to pay full price. If you snatch a bargain when you see it, you will save a huge amount down the road. I would say that the man who catches a thrifty (but not stingy) wife, is a lucky man. Much better to have a smart, sensible woman than a bubble-headed barbie. My husband will attest to that! Good luck!

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      Thanks for stopping by, Karmaa! And I agree– I can always use the $12 dress as a Halloween costume if it comes to that 🙂 Here’s to sensible, non-bubbled headed women!

      Reply
  10. Brazilian

    WOW!!!! The green monster of jealousy has reared its ugly head. It always amazes me how cruel some people can be. They don’t even know you and make comment about you.
    That is why many actors and actresses do not read any comments written about them.
    Ignore them.

    Reply
  11. Rachel

    Kat, you look fabulous! I loved seeing your childhood picture and to put your voice with the blog. I think your wedding dresses are lovely. Don’t read those comments – people are crazy and they don’t know you! (Like we readers do – ha ha!)

    Reply
  12. lexy3587

    wow, some of those comments! really went right for ‘insulting the person, instead of the opinion’… stupid commenters. I’m glad the wedding date got all chivalrous and pissed off for you having to see those nasty comments.

    Reply
  13. sarahnsh

    Yeah, I would never call you fat so I hope you were kidding about it! I say stay as far away from the comments as you can, people can be reasonable, but I have seen many conversations about something get downright ugly. And the nose comment is just plain mean, that guy needs to get punched in his nose for writing it!

    Reply
  14. Jill

    Anonymity = permission to be rude, crude and obnoxious; it happens all over the interwebs. Ignore them. Read us! We love you. And 19C Latvian brides had to start knitting mittens for their someday wedding as soon as they could hold needles. Everyone even remotely involved got a pair, which could amount to hundreds. You’re way behind.

    Reply
  15. Landlord

    The funny thing is that this is so insane, I rarely but sometimes comment on articles in the paper, etc. Never am I nasty or denigrating, and this particular piece would have never generated any animosity from me. (nor, if I am to be honest, any inclination to comment)

    It is amazing what people choose to be angry or vicious about, this wouldn’t have even been on my top 100 list. It’s fluff and more fluff, not hurting anyone.

    Apparently in our dumbed-down society, this does sell though, as is evidenced by the almost instantaneous viral progression of the piece.

    And btw, all of the things Kat mentions above were part of the original interview, but obviously not what these folks would have been interested in.
    ““let’s produce another show” or “I want to go back to London” or “I’m gonna start my PhD soon” or “I’m writing a book” or “I just happen to like clothes and I sewed my own prom gown, so yeah, wedding gowns have always fascinated me.”

    Reply
  16. Kate Ferguson Writes

    I managed to see the piece in Ireland, so I’d imagine your UK readers can have the same pleasure! As successful as the clip was, I would have liked to see you interviewed for another reason. The whole thing seemed artificial to me and I’d like to see you recognized for your real writing ability before your possibly exaggerated interest in wedding planning.

    Reply
    • Landlord

      You and me both, but unfortunately good writing isn’t as “sexy” or controversial, who’d a thunk?

      Reply
  17. Zak

    Three things I learned about Kat (that I didn’t know after a year-plus of following her blog):

    1. Kat has a great smile.

    2. Kat is left-handed.

    3. Kat isn’t crazy (wait, I knew that already)

    Thanks for sharing. You looked great. Glad TWD and you are so happy.

    Reply
  18. stevesw

    To answer your title’s question (and #2), no.
    And, I should mention that thanks to you my neighborhood ‘real man’ reputation took a hit. While waiting in line at a CVS, I received one of those man-to-man ‘are you serious’ looks as I was page turning a copy of Marie Claire looking for the article.

    Reply
  19. chauffeur

    Don’t let the nutts with nothing else to do but post mean spirited comments get to you at all. Without signing a name, people get very full of themselves and feel perfectly fine insulting someone. But…. If it does bother you, let me know, I am quite certain that myself, the Brazilian, The Wedding Date, Zak, perhaps a few more, (not to mention the Landlord) individually or any combo of the above would gladly give them all new noses to obsess about.

    Reply
  20. Catherine

    This is awesome, congrats! And don’t let those bitches get to you. They are haters. I couldn’t be more proud of my BEAUTIFUL blogging buddy 🙂

    Reply
  21. canti

    I read that nasty crap. It’s so easy to be negative and snarky, thanks to the anonymity of the internet. I’d love to see those same idiots say that crap to your face. Also … not a one of them knows you, so they don’t have a clue of the sharp smart humor that goes with those fairytale dreams, and a television camera can’t possibly capture the true megawattage of that smile. Nobody’s doing a story about them … so haters gotta hate.

    When I first got married, I did some plus size modeling at the request of a friend who owned a boutique in Belmar. I was leery of the whole thing, but Kim thought it would be a hoot, (plus I would be paid in designer clothes!), so I gave it a shot. It was a hell of a lot of hard work, and I lasted exactly six months, doing shows in Philadelphia and New York City, culminating in an appearance on the Mark Wahlberg show (the one who hosts Antiques Roadshow now … he had a talk show in the 90’s). The whole experience of modeling was surreal … because I’ve been “the fat chick” my whole life, yanno? Anyway … it was the only time in my life where, for every person who would say “go on a diet”, there was another who was asking me if they could buy me a drink. It really brought home the “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” thing.

    You’ll never meet even one of those insulting idiots, and in the long run? It’s their loss.

    Reply
  22. Jenn (MOH)

    I don’t understand why people are getting so incensed and thinking the idea is crazy. I think they’re looking at it in the entirely wrong light. I agree that I think the people who go all the way to kleinfeld’s to try out dressed that could pay my college tuition are a little nuts. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to save money and stress. If you have all the ideas now, then it’ll make it so much easier when the times comes! Example- I’m totally planning on stealing about half of the ideas from Kara’s wedding, so that will make mine easier!

    Reply
  23. Laurie

    Kat,

    I was thrilled to see you in that gorgeous $12 dress. And I was surprised that all of the comments didn’t include a demand to know where you found such an amazing bargain! But is not so surprising that you touched off a huge amount of jealousy. You are smart, beautiful, vivacious, rock that $12 wedding dress as well as a runway model, and have a smart handsome “boyfriend” to boot. Who wouldn’t be jealous? Those snarky comments say a lot more about the naysayer, and nothing at all about lovely, graceful, funny YOU.

    Oh, and I loved your grandmother’s wedding dress too, which looked like gold lame fit for a goddess. Who wouldn’t be jealous of choices like these?

    Always a fan,

    Laurie

    Reply
  24. Lost in France

    Well as WD now has a name, will he forever remain WD?

    Anyway, Daily Mail readers are well know for the intellectual level of their comments. So I am not surprised by them.

    I am glad to see you seem to be taking them in good humour.

    Reply

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