I’m Pretty Sure He Was Talking to My Bra

On Friday night, The Wedding Date told me he loved me.  But I don’t think he was talking to me.  I think he was talking to my bra.

His exact words were, “God, I love you!”

But he was staring at my chest, probably because we were in his bedroom and I had just removed my sweater to reveal my one and only Victoria’s Secret bra—but still.

How does one accidentally drop the “L” word?  (Especially when you pause to consider the fact that my cleavage is hardly my greatest asset.)

I didn’t respond.  I mean, what’s a girl supposed to say to that?  I don’t think he even realized that he’d said the “L” word and I myself wasn’t sure until I ran over the entire scene over again in my head, but he did.

He totally did.

I’ve written quite a bit about the “L” word in the past.  In fact, those of you who have been following the progress of my Great Date Experiment may recall a post I wrote a few months ago entitled Your First I Love You???  I’ve no desire to rehash the embarrassing moments chronicled therein (although the best was definitely when my soon-be-to-boyfriend told me he loved me during my senior year of college and I proceeded to bang my head on the steering wheel in response) but I am happy to report that there was no head banging this time around.  I simply kissed The Wedding Date in return and said nothing more on the subject because let’s face it: people say crazy things when they’re making out.

(Besides, I thought it was funny so please don’t worry when you read this later, TWD—no one’s ever given my non-existent cleavage such a compliment before.)

What I would like to discuss today is the process of falling in love, and of actually determining that you’ve fallen in love—as opposed to finding yourself simply intrigued by someone’s bra.  Or sleepy.  Or drunk.

Over the course of the past eighteen months, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around and trying to figure out whether or not the feelings I’ve developed for a given individual actually constitute love.  Out of the thirty men who were kind enough to serve as my “case studies” throughout the duration of my experiment, I’ve come close a handful of times—mainly because I have an overactive imagination and continue to suffer from an early introduction to Jane Austen novels—but in the end, I was always forced to conclude that my feelings were simply wishful thinking, not love.

A friend from high school who was several my senior and therefore an expert on everything once told me that there was no way to predict the process of falling in love.

“When you are, you’ll just know,” she said.

And I never believed her until it actually happened for the first time.  I just knew, and the man in question knew, and even though we spent the next several months of our long distance relationship engaged in excessive melodramatics (“There’s something I need to tell you—but not over the phone.  It has to be in person!”) the “L” word was eventually spoken.

And yet, with each successive relationship I’ve entered into, the love part has felt entirely different, so different that I can’t help but wonder if I’ve ever actually been in love before.

“Holy sh*t!”  I find myself thinking, “So this is what it’s supposed to feel like?”

I don’t know.

Which is why I need your help: how do you know when you’re in love?  (And please note: I’m talking about being in love with an actual person, not just their teal-and-jaguar-print bra.)

32 Responses to “I’m Pretty Sure He Was Talking to My Bra”

  1. Mark D. White (@profmdwhite)

    Wow, so many ways to put it–one that springs to mind is when you feel incredibly at peace yet on fire at the same time when you’re with a person. When you realize there’s no one else you’d rather be with, and even though you have no idea what’s coming next, rather than being scared, you can’t wait to find out.

    I could go on… 🙂

  2. RedRican

    Well, that’s kind of a loaded question… I can try to tell you how i felt and how i continue to know i’m in love with the hubby. Its hard to explain, but i guess i could say that when you think about that person your whole being is energized. I wake up every morning thankful that the thought of him still makes my chest tighten. I want to share everything with him. Suddenly all your dreams include him being by your side.
    He just makes me happy.
    I’m not a writer, so this whole post is probably no good, but you really will know when you feel it. If you have to question it, then you’re not in love

    • Kat Richter

      Beautifully put, Susi 🙂 PS: I got your email about possibly meeting up on Saturday– just trying to figure out scheduling stuff!

  3. Glenn

    Hmm, I’m no expert on the love question.
    As for his response to you, maybe it’s a tribute to the power of
    Victoria’s Secret? That or your cleavage is *much* more amazing than you give them (it?) credit. 🙂
    Also keep in mind there are a zillion varieties and levels of love, from the general I-love-everyone on some level, to ‘OMG you are my soul mate for eternity’, so The Wedding Date could have been a lot closer to the former than the latter.

  4. chaufeur

    Romantic Love (as opposed to love your kids, or pets, or nature etc.) I believe is defined when there is no one else or no place else you wld rather be than with that other person. I’d like to hang out with George Clooney and/or Howie Long, but I would rather and still love being with the Landlord. So that is what I think love is or how you know.

  5. Landlord

    Ditto, even when I am annoyed with chauffeur, I miss being with him, especially when I think I want to be alone (you know my independent side) and all of a sudden something happens, I see something like the sunset at Hooper (which I joke about HIS obsession with, when he IS with me), or at a fabulous party, in DC for an action, or performance or whatever and he is unable to join me. He just makes everything MORE fun, more interesting and just nicer 😉

    Great job w/ Good Morning America btw, you didn’t come off crazy at all, sorry they cut the pieces about this blog and research ;( Next time! They did show your two quotes about having the last laugh and the time spent on marriage versus planning.

  6. just a remark

    So I don’t know how far I am an expert on the love question, but one thing from my own experience is if he loves your cleavage, no matter how insignificant you may think it, he likes you. A lot. 🙂 when we really like someone we tend to focus on the overall person, not the measurements.

    • Kat Richter

      Speaking of which, when are you and IDAN gonna come to Philly so we can finally meet each other’s new OOO’s? (Goodness, I love speaking in code on my own blog… lol!)

  7. sarahnsh

    Well, for me I ended up saying the “L” word to my fiancee within a few weeks of us dating, but I just knew it. He makes me feel safe and happy when I have him to come home to, he’s always there to pick me up when I’ve fallen down from exhaustion from my work, and unlike anyone else I ever dated, I just knew it from the moment I saw him.
    He travels a lot for his job so when he leaves and I’m alone I miss him … a lot. I feel like I’m my own person with him but also a better person when I have him by me.

  8. Chicago-Style Girl

    I know when I’m in love because the feeling is so clear. And it only gets clearer as time passes. It has a couple stages.
    1) I think, “I think I love him”
    2) I think I really love him.
    3) When I look at him I can’t think any other thought.
    4) I finally give up and accept it and hem and haw about whether to tell him.
    I don’t know if this helps, lol. But it’s the process I go through.

  9. Jess Killmenow

    First, I would like to formally protest the complete absence of pictures we would all like very much to see, thank you.

    Second, I can vividly picture the “L” word moment. There you are in your lingerie, sporting your elegantly understated cleavage. WD, a visually stimulated male, catches sight of it and an unexpected emotion wells up.

    So, instead of uttering the two words that come naturally to all males under these circumstances, “nice t _ _ s”, rising volcanically from his heart to his mouth, before he can choke it back comes spilling out the most suspect of all sentences, “I love you.” Now that opens up a hole new can of emotional cannon fodder, doesn’t it?
    Last, but not least: How do I know I’m in love? When my Other suggests we go somewhere or do something I would prefer not to do and without a second thought I agree right away, because I would rather be miserable with her than bored without her. Disclaimer: in the beginning it is almost impossible to distinguish the feeling of genuine love from the feeling of being monogamously horny. But both are good, so enjoy!

  10. Lost in France

    I feel you have to look no further than Landlord and chaufeur, to get the best demonstration of love.
    What they wrote was so sweet. They are lucky and you and tech support are lucky to have them.

  11. silverylizard

    i read somewhere that love is friendship that has caught fire. i found it to be true. by beau is also my best friend. we have gone through many trials and triumphs together, and enjoy one another greatly. we get ticked off at one another, but have learned to give it space and time. i dont know if you can fall in love, without falling back out. but i know great love is built on great friendship. the rest is varying degrees of infatuation.
    its not all about how he makes me feel, but what i see in him and want to fulfill.

  12. Jill

    Again, you’ve given us the gift of a good question. I agree with quite a lot already written, particularly with Lost in France, and so have not much more to add, except that all the times I thought I was in love, I still believe I really was. It was just this last time that was the last time, and I believe that when you know, you know. And I do remember the exact moment that I Knew. But that may just be me. I think I’m more intuitive than intellectual, overall.

  13. heypgh

    I’ve been a casual reader of the blog since its beginning and was surprised to see you on Good Morning America this morning. Good job!

  14. canti

    two definitions of “love” here …

    1) when you treat someone else’s feelings as if they were your own;
    2) when “being alone” still means it’s gonna be the two of you 🙂

    Good job on GMA, chick … I don’t like the media spin on it … you’re anything but a “bridezilla”, then again, I’ve known you since you were 11, so I guess that counts for something. Still … exposure is exposure, and they spelled your name right!

  15. Katie

    You should have stared at his “pants” and said “Yeah, me too”.

    I would have paid big money to see that reenacted in a video.

  16. Ronnie Libra

    Here’s what a very wise woman I know said on the subject just today on facebook…

    “I am not an expert in the area of love, its still some what foriegn to me however, i know what it is not… love is not need, love is not abuse, love is not a possesion, love is not an agenda, love is not infinite, love is not arbitrary, love is not conditional however, it should never be taking for granted and love seems to be in huge demand yet, short supply. love is not a hunch nor a guess, its not many things… I have spent 10,000 hrs (makes me an expert as 10,000 hrs on anything else does so, why not this) learning what love is not…”

  17. Alicia

    Its creepy to talk about an intimate moment on a blog. TMI. I feel sorry for the guy you are dating.


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