The Rather Anti-Feminist Waiting Game

I like to think of myself as feminist. Some days I even think I’m a good feminist, but when it comes to getting engaged, I find myself sending PIC both subliminal and not so subliminal messages to just hurry up and ask me already before I turn 30!!!

fortune cookie

He met with my parents to ask for my hand back in March.

And he’s had a ring since shortly thereafter.

Granted, it was family ring and my request for a different shank (which is, I’ve since learned, what the jewelry world calls the “band”) turned into a long and drawn out quest for additional stones (PIC’s idea), and conflict free, ethically sourced or reclaimed precious metals (my idea).

As far as I know, the ring is now somewhere inside the house (I stumbled upon a small box in PIC’s underwear drawer a few weeks ago).

(And no, before you ask, I wasn’t snooping. I was putting away laundry and he was sitting like five feet away from me the whole time).

But the question itself has yet to be popped.

Which means I’ve spent the past few weeks on hyper alert.

As such, when our parents got together for the first time earlier this summer and he asked me go for a walk along the bay, my first thought was, “Oh my God this is it! But I’m wearing a peach dress and a green sweater. A woman cannot get proposed to in a peach dress and a green sweater!!!”

But it didn’t happen.

A few weeks later, when I attempted to slip my hand behind his back and into his pocket at U2 concert and he pulled my hand to his hip instead, I thought, “Oh my God, he has the ring in his pocket! He’s going to propose to me at Madison Square Garden! Maybe our names will go up on the screen. Maybe we’ll get to meet Bono!”

But it didn’t happen.

Even last night when he said he had to run upstairs to “get something,” I found myself thinking, “Well, this is an odd choice for a proposal… seeing as we were both testy at dinner and have spent all evening cleaning the basement but okay.”

Once again, though, I was mistaken. He was getting wood cleaner to wipe down the basement steps.

And so, the wait continues.


16 Responses to “The Rather Anti-Feminist Waiting Game”

  1. Angela

    Haha this brings back memories, I was with Mr for 8 years before he proposed. I had a few moments I was convinced it was going to happen then… nothing! When I finally gave up hope of it ever happening, he asked!! It’ll be worth the wait I promise 🙂 xo

  2. Kate Katharina

    Since you know where the ring is, why not turn things around and pop HIM the question when he leasts expects it? That way, you can plan your outfit and acordingly, and also select the engagement location of your dreams? Or is that too practical? 🙂

    • Kat Richter

      Well, too practical for starters. Secondly, he re-hid the ring somewhere else so I no longer know its location.

  3. Jerseyite Lurker

    Just so we really have the full picture here, does PIC read your blog?

  4. landlord no longer

    Too much millennial thinking and influences going on here, Chauffeur and I were watching one of those Sunday news programs where they were talking about how your generation has completely hyped up the “ask” process, because of this very thing, both people knowing who they are, successful in their careers, settled into a home setting, etc. and knowing that this will be happening in the very near future…so much so, that since there is little to no element of surprise as to the “ask” being a foregone conclusion, the “how” has become monumental and consequently much ado about….

    • Kat Richter

      Yeah I hear ya 😦 Have you seen how ridiculous the process of asking a girl to the PROM has become in some high schools?

  5. Jill

    After we got engaged, we realized that there had never been ANY asking. So Rev Husband proceeded to ask me several times a day until we got married, and pretty frequently for several years after that. Now that I think of it, he hasn’t asked in a while.

    • Kat Richter

      Hah! I can totally picture that. Truth be told, PIC has already asked once already but we both decided that it didn’t quite count given the circumstances.

  6. ladymeritaten

    I was on hyper alert for months and of course after lots of nagging. I was wearing sneakers and complaining about a store that didn’t have the perfect shoes for our upcoming trip to East Coast. And still surprised me…..

  7. petitepaumee

    I feel you! as I’m sure you know by my weekly “I think it will happen this weekend/are you engaged yet?” texts 😉 For the record, the ‘ask’ has also been decided already (we’ve asked each other multiple times, including once when he woke up groggy on nyquil and I was ironing and he decided I’m perfect). And I don’t care about the how either, as long as it’s not in the middle of a million people. But he has some idea that I’ll let him accomplish however he desires 🙂

    • Kat Richter

      Exactly. There is, evidently, a specific “time and place” that he has in mind so I’m trying to just let him do his thing in his own time, although admittedly that’s easier said than done.


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