Just a Staple Away from Over the Edge

When PIC went to visit his brother in California for a week, I decided the time had come to tackle the first floor, for once and for all. But first, I had to pull up the carpet. And then I had to pull up the staples

See that carpet? Wall to wall? AND up over the baseboard?

Day 1:

  1. How hard can it be?
  2. Pulling staples burns calories, right? My arms are going to look like Michelle Obama’s by the time I finish!
  3. Maybe I should wear gloves.
  4. There are like… a LOT of staples here.
  5. The inventor of staples should be killed. Possibly tortured and killed.
  6. Okay, this officially sucks.
  7. I need a massage.
  8. I need wine.
  9. There is staple debris in my wine. Maybe if I drink it from a travel coffee mug instead I’ll be able to keep the debris out?
  10. Drinking wine from a travel coffee mug is GENIUS. I am a genius. Can I patent this idea and hire someone else to pull staples for me?

They carpeted the stairs too. The STAIRS!!!

Day 2:

  1. Drinking wine from a coffee mug isn’t actually genius. It’s a bit weird. And desperate. And the texture is all wrong.
  2. Where is my boyfriend? Why isn’t he helping me with this?
  3. Right… he is out of town. Maybe I can just leave the rest of the staples where they are. They don’t look that bad. I’ll just paint them. We can just wear shoes all of the time. And we’ll move the Kuerig machine upstairs so that we don’t accidentally wander downstairs barefoot in search of coffee…
  4. But what if PIC and I raise our children here? We can’t make our children wear shoes all the time. Or can we?
  5. Maybe we can train our children to just walk very carefully up and down the stairs?
  6. But what if we have stupid children? What if they fall down the stairs and somehow stab their eyeballs on a staple?
  7. I HAVE to finish this. For the sake of our future children. I will not subject my offspring to an inadequately renovated home.
  8. We won’t have stupid children, will we?

Mar 2015 153

Day 3:

  1. Why did I ever by this house? Why oh why OH WHY?
  2. I need cheesecake.
  3. I can’t get to the cheesecake because my dining room table is blocking the fridge.
  4. I am not going to cry about this.
  5. I am NOT GOING TO CRY ABOUT THIS!!!
  6. It’s just a fucking floor. It’s just a fucking floor. It’s JUST a fucking floor. And at least I have a floor, right? At least I have roof over my head.
  7. When is my boyfriend coming HOME?
Beneath the carpet? More staples. And beneath THOSE staples? More staples.

Beneath the carpet? More staples. And beneath THOSE staples? More staples.

12 Responses to “Just a Staple Away from Over the Edge”

  1. becky119

    I’ve been working on a much smaller project, but have had very similar reactions. Once the job is done though, it’s all worth it. 🙂

    Reply
    • becky119

      Doesn’t everyone have an internal monologue? I hope so… 😉

      Painting all the woodwork in the hallways. So three doors on the third floor, five doors on the second floor, one door on the landing, one door on the first floor, all the wood work around those doors and along the walls. I may do the stairs too… but that’s going to be the biggest pain of all so I’m not sure. If I do all this I will be granted permission to tear down the wallpaper in the hallway and paint that too.

      So far, bedroom door is done, bathroom door (both sides) is done along with all the woodwork in the bathroom, including the window, which was such a pain. The hall closet is done on one side, the inside is going to be a challenge because we keep so much stuff in that closet, I think I need to cover it all with plastic or move it… and I tore up some of the old phone lines that are all over the place in my house. That’s part of the project too, the wires run all along the woodwork EVERYWHERE. Such a pain.

      But it looks so much better already. I just wish I had a magical ability to put down the paper and tape by snapping my fingers or blinking or something. That’s the worst part, all the prep.

      Reply
      • Kat Richter

        Agreed, internal monologues are the only way to go.

        Now… painting woodwork– I feel your pain! Windows are the worst!!! And your house is way bigger than mine… I hope you have some wine ready to go. (In a coffee cup of course.) Plastic table cloths from the dollar store are a great way to keep stuff paint free.

        Will look forward to seeing the before and after photos!

        Reply
  2. landlord no longer

    Hysterical…needed a chuckle while doing endless paperwork

    Reply

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