Writing left handed

You Can’t Stand Under My Umbrella, its BROKEN!

Bedazzled umbrella

One of my babies, missing a few rhinestones and now missing a handle

With just a few days till my final student recitals of the year, it’s time to put the finishing touches on all of their pieces before they hit the stage.  It’s time to practice without the mirror.  It’s time to get those extra accessories and rhinestones glued into place.  It’s time for every entrance to be polished, every exit to be spot on.  It is not—I repeat NOT—time for the props to start spontaneously combusting…

And yet combusting they are.

Admittedly, last week’s umbrella disaster wasn’t exactly spontaneous.  It happened when one of my graduating seniors realized she was spinning her umbrella in the wrong direction and tried to switch back too quickly.

The main shaft cracked and when I tried to tape it back together again, it fell apart leaving me with half an umbrella in one hand and the handle, plus two or three inches of umbrella shaft, in the other.

Bedazzled umbrella

One of my babies, missing a few rhinestones and now missing a handle

It would have been okay if this had been the first umbrella disaster of the season—or even the first umbrella disaster of the evening but it was far from the first, on both counts.  Umbrellas, evidently, aren’t meant to withstand rehearsals.  And seeing as the girls’ routine consists primarily of synchronized umbrella twirling (and super fast footwork, for which they have all come to hate me), my beautiful creations aren’t holding up very well.

When the girls first unveiled my handiwork people from other teams started asking them where they’d gotten their umbrellas and their costumes (which I also bedazzled) were nominated for a Best Costume award.  (I considered quitting my job to start my own umbrella bedazzlement business but then I was forced to admit that there isn’t much call for bedazzled umbrellas outside of the competition industry…)

Last week, however, one of the six officially kicked the bucket.

Naturally, as it officially summer and the mere thought of spending time inside of classroom this times of year makes everyone a bit punchy, we held a funeral.

broken umbrella

Mourning the deceased…

Umbrella funeral

A dramatic performance of “If I Ain’t Got You” by Alicia Keys

mock eulogy

The culprit reads the eulogy (unfortunately I missed the part where she dropped to her knees in despair)

And this, dear readers, is why the school year needs to be OVER!

11 Responses to “You Can’t Stand Under My Umbrella, its BROKEN!”

  1. debwill72

    I would just like to say that I will be moving soon to a country where umbrellas are a necessity. And boring black is not me. I like sparkles! (Shameless hint…)

    • Kat Richter

      OMG you are so on! I was trying to think of what to get you as a going away present 🙂 Any color preferences? Maybe I really will launch my umbrella bedazzlement career!!!

  2. The Prof

    I am willing to test an umbrella! Will it be up to a London winter commute? Rigorous methods will be used and appropriate data collected!

    • Kat Richter

      Haha! My boss actually said, “This isn’t London, Kat. They don’t make good umbrellas here!” If I’m ever crazy enough to do an umbrella piece again, we’ll have to import them from abroad 🙂

      • debwill72

        I will leave the colour (I have to learn to spell things the UK way…) preference up to you. And I could make room in my suitcase for one for the prof… This could be the beginning of a really big career move!

  3. Landlord

    I was watching a home video the other day of some of your dress rehearsals and I had forgotten how many costumes I made, and made for the whole class, and accessories, remember the army skirts for Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy? We had our wardrobe malfunctions too, as some of the girls were a bit more well endowed, but thankfully you were always trained to have a flesh-toned leo underneath all costumes.


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