Writing left handed

A Case of the Dropsies (Part 1)

It’s 7:00pm, Saturday night.  I’ve survived the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, the cocktail hour and the requisite introductions to Date #7’s relatives, including the uncle who mistook me for his nephew’s previous Plus One.  It’s time for the reception.  Finally.

Now in an ordinary late-October wedding, this would be the point at which the guests would be led into a dining room—you know, those funny things with four walls, ceilings, and doors to separate the guests from the elements?  Well, we are not led into a dining room.

Oh no.

We are led into a dining tent.  We pass not through a door but a flap, and said flap is almost connected to the eighteenth century farmhouse that houses the dance floor, but not quite.  Do you know what happens when tents aren’t properly sealed?  Do you?

Well, in case you’ve never been camping (or to a wedding at Tyler Arboretum in late-October), I’ll tell you: you get wet.  It doesn’t even have to be raining.  You can curl up in your sleeping bag snug as a bug in a rug but you’ll be awaken by the sound of water drip… drip… dripping onto your head.

I’m not sure why this happens (maybe something to do with condensation or the capillary effect?) but it’s practically a universal law of physics: if you’re tent isn’t closed properly, you will get wet.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking: you’re thinking, Kat, stop exaggerating!  You’re at a wedding, not a campground.  How on earth are you going to get wet when you’re just sitting there eating a Caesar salad? 

Well, I’ll tell you.

Remember my minister friend from the rehearsal dinner?  The one who hit the bar before it even opened?  Turns out he’s sitting to my left, and about halfway through the first toast, his water glass decides to take a nose dive.

water spillingOf course, having spent the better part of the afternoon listening to Date #7 recite the Apache Wedding Blessing, I am determined to “focus on what is right […]not only the part which seems wrong ” so I just smile as the icy contents of the minister’s water glass pour into my lap.

After all, only half of the glass landed on me.  The other half landed on the table cloth and although said table cloth is now saturated and clinging to my legs, I’ve neglected to wear pantyhose so at least there’s no capillary effect going on here.

Besides, I’m wearing a wrap!  So it’s only my wrap that’s wet, not my $10 Jomar’s Bargain Basement dress.  Of course, this means that I’ll have to now take off my wrap, thereby exposing my bare arms to the elements, but this is fine because I’m here with a date!  And everyone knows that it’s the date’s responsibility to offer up his jacket should his lady friend come to require it.

Well, everyone except Date #7.

(Are we surprised?)

Both he and the minister have dutifully sacrificed their napkins, as have the rest of our table mates so I’m being dabbed with Date #7’s mother’s napkin, his father’s napkin, his brother’s napkin, his brother’s date’s napkin and even those belonging to the next door neighbors of the bride and groom… but I’m wet.  And shivering.  And the one man who has the power to bestow his unworn jacket upon me is—once again— oblivious to my plight.

I decide to take matters into my own hands and so I tell him, in very plain English, that I am cold and would like to wear his jacket, please.

He obliges and later confesses, “I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while.  I like you.  I really like you, but I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Gee, you think?

19 Responses to “A Case of the Dropsies (Part 1)”

  1. Stephanie Bennis

    You have a great sense of humor even for a less than ‘funny’ situation that happened to you. Great way to handle it with grace and a smile and then of course write an awesome blog post about it!

  2. Zak

    Funny… I said similar things as this…
    “I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. I like you. I really like you, but I don’t know what I’m doing.”
    …while going out on dates. And you know what I found? Without a doubt, it means you’re not ready or compatible. I never said this to Ms. D (or even the Cupcake Queen).

    Also, love the call-out for the capillary effect. Well played.

    • Kat Richter

      The capillary effect is one of like three scientific terms I remember from high school… sometimes, while watching Jeopardy, I’ll just shout “What is the capillary effect?” at the screen in the hopes that I might be right 🙂

  3. Mainerocks

    Great description of tough situation. Love the humor, but also love the confession of said date. You were wise to ASK for the jacket. he was remorseful and contrite, good traits. Guys many times are just clueless. HOWEVER, he did respond. A friend once told me “If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”

  4. Landlord

    ah…what did he call the previous “plus one” then, if he hasn’t had a gf in a while? I hope (for her sake) she wasn’t just his booty call??????? sheesh

  5. Jenny Rebecca Winters


    1. This happened with my husband too. We had been together almost 4 months and it was April, and cold. He didn’t offer me his jacket, something I took up angrily with him later. But he hadn’t had a girlfriend in TEN years (cute as he is) so…they learn.

    2. At the end of all this, I REALLY hope you ditched Date #7! You’ve put up with 20 times more than I would have. UGH! At least it’s a live and learn situation???


  6. Brazilian

    I think the “I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. I like you. I really like you, but I don’t know what I’m doing.” excuse works when a guy is in his early twenties, not popular with girls, this is his first time at a social event and you are the first girl who accepted his invitation. However, its not an acceptable excuse when a guy is in his late twenties, or older and has had at least one girl friend to a social event. By this time he should know better.
    If he doesn’t know by now, then he is too much work to bother … unless, he has other redeeming qualities, but I haven’t read about them yet.
    Love your writing.

  7. Meghan

    He’s clueless but at least he knows it! I went through something similar with my current man – it was raining one day in March and I politely asked him to drop me off at the door to the mall, as I selected to wear suede boots when the sun was shining earlier that day. He refused, I jumped out of the car and wandered the mall without him, and eventually we came to an understanding about chivalry and footwear. We are each other’s first and only relationship so far. Training is always involved, however unpleasant it may be! Have I become a Date #7 apologist?!

  8. Philly Tap Teaser

    In my flu-addled state, I’ve become a Date 7 apologist as well. Admitting openly that he sucks at relationship stuff is sort of a hint that he wants to do better.

  9. Catherine

    Thank goodness you said something! So, here is the fact: he’s clueless. Embrace it and help him be better. No good in just waiting for him to suddenly get a clue! Seak up for what you want 🙂

  10. Kat Richter

    Hmmm… embrace, you say? This is an interesting idea. Admittedly, I’ve never been that great at speaking up for what I want so maybe last weekend was a good learning opportunity for both of us.

  11. Lost in France

    Osmosis This is another good term covering fluids migrating through Membranes.

    Anyway only you can make an entire post out of a glass of water being knocked over, and even more so make ti interesting and funny.

    This is the first time Date 7 has really got any positive feedback.

    To little to late? I think so

  12. Canti

    Remember my lovely, lovable, wonderful MUCH OLDER husband? He always told me that I “wouldn’t have liked him much” if we’d been the same age. He said that he spent his entire first marriage (and part of his second) completely clueless as to how relationships worked. He said he was well into his thirties before he realized that people couldn’t read his mind and intuit either his intentions or what he wanted, though he’d always felt it was plain as day. He finally realized that he needed to let people know what he was thinking, speak up when he needed or wanted something and, most importantly, he needed to pay more attention to the people and circumstances around him. Maybe Date #7 is having similar growing pains … you also say that you’re not one to speak up and say what you need. Maybe you’re having some, too 😉 … remember, life’s a journey and we’re always learning.

    At the same time, I can’t imagine anybody thought it was a good idea to have a reception outside at the END OF OCTOBER. Heck, I felt I was pushing it at the end of September when I got married.

    As for “positive feedback”, I don’t always post opinions after I read the blogs … often I am days behind and my comments seem irrelevant. Anyway … remember all those months that you two stayed in touch across the state. There was some kind of spark. Just because he seems clueless, doesn’t mean he’s hopeless. Sometimes they’re slow learners … sometimes the right teacher hasn’t come along … yet. Who knows what lights that spark where things fall into place?


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