It’s Time to Tie the Knot– just “knot” for me
It’s starting again. I scraped through the first round of weddings—the post-college round—by the skin of my teeth. Always flying in from somewhere, always just after a breakup and always mourning the bride’s departure from my roster of available wing women, I won’t say that I exactly enjoyed the first round.
In fact, I pretty much hated it. (Probably because my friends’ weddings always corresponded with that time of the month and I’m wont to cry on a good day.) But no matter: this next round—the post-grad school round—is going to be awesome.
I know this because I’ve reached the point in my life where I don’t need much more than a drink, a killer dress and a pair of heels to have a good time. Boyfriends, although desirable, are like any other accessory: fun but certainly not necessary. There are always groomsmen. Besides, one’s happiness should not be dependent upon a designer bag or a Plus One; one’s happiness should come from within. (By which I really mean I’ll put an ad on Craigslist if it comes to that. I’d rather gain 20 pounds and find myself locked in a room full of pigeons than go to another wedding single.)
(Click here if you don’t already know how I feel about birds.)
In any event, I’m hoping that it won’t come to that. I’ve got three months until the first of my friends ties the knot. A lot can happen in three months. I could, for instance, find the love of my life and elope in three months. Alternatively, I could discover that I’m really a lesbian and bring Angelina Jolie as my date (although this would necessitate Ms. Jolie also discovering that she’s a lesbian, and she’d probably upstage the bride, so maybe this isn’t such a good plan after all). I could finally launch that mail order groom service I’ve been scheming about (obviously I’ll deal in primarily British exports) and/or arrange to get myself knocked up, this way I can show up in one of those adorable tummy-hugging cocktail dresses that somehow make a few extra pounds look sexy.
Then again, hope again hope, I could actually have a boyfriend by then.
Or I could just stop being so damn self-centered, celebrate the fact that eight wonderful people have found their soul mates (Congrats K & B, C & C, S & H and J & F!) and start honing my bouquet-catching skills, as instructed:
In the meantime, I rather fascinated by wedding stories. (Live vicariously much?)
Mine have been mostly horrible, mainly because I’m never the one getting married or even the one-holding-the-bouquet-for-the-one-getting married, but I’m sure I’m not the only woman out there who’s spent an entire reception alone drinking mojitos and texting an ex boyfriend who was never actually a real boyfriend in the first place?
One Response to “It’s Time to Tie the Knot– just “knot” for me”
Some of those weddings your landlord will be at and you know what happens when the two of us get on the dance floor—so it will be fun at the very least.