“Free wi-fi” doesn’t really mean free wi-fi in the great American southwest. It means if you stand on one foot, cross your eyes, stick out your tongue and wave your iPhone towards the ridiculously blue sky, you just might be able to catch the new Lin-Manuel Miranda video that everyone’s raving about. (I know, I know… we’re supposed to be unplugging and communing with nature and all but come on: it’s the Hamilton Mixtape we’re talking about here).
At any rate, we’ve made it Utah, to the outskirts of Zion National Park to be specific, where we’re staying in a “deluxe” camping cabin at the St. George/Hurricane KOA. The rental of said cabin felt like a betrayal of the more rugged days of my youth, when we were tent campers all the way (aside from that brief time for a period of several years when we had a genuine C-class motor home that slept 6 comfortably and had air conditioning and enough storage for about 7 pairs of shoes per person but we won’t mention that).
PIC and I been “roughing it” ever since leaving Chicago, by which I mean staying with friends in Colorado Springs (not rough at all really) and sleeping in cabins of the non-deluxe variety in Alamosa and Moab. The cabin in Moab was the worst. In addition to the super creaky standard issue don’t-even-think-about-having-sex-on-this-bed, the door had a wooden latch roughly the size and shape of a 2×4. Do you know what 2x4s sound like when they’re being swung by your husband at midnight when he decides to make one last trip to the bathroom? Then decides to shower? Then decides to convey his toiletries to the shower one by one, slamming the door each time? (One can only presume that’s what he was doing at least; I was wearing my “calming lavender” eye pillow at the time, like a new age yoga pirate, just trying to sleep and keep the murderous tendencies that come with piracy at bay.)
I should add that we are traveling sans pillows and sleeping bags because we’re, you know, too rugged for such frivolities. And because we had to pack everything for both a wedding and two weeks of road tripping into two carry on sized suitcases since there was no way I was paying for us to check lugggage (even though we’ve done exactly this twice now…) but mainly, you know, because of the ruggedness.
PIC nearly froze to death on our first night in the wilds of southern Colorado and was saved only by our towel blankets (more on those in a moment) and my quick thinking (“Hey, that thing in the corner of the cabin is a heater. Maybe we should turn it on.”) I’ve been using my super sexy lumbar support as a pillow and PIC has been using the mesh bag in which I keep my clean undies and socks (also super sexy, and rapidly diminishing). For blankets, were using the microfiber camping towels that I ordered on Amazon Prime at the last minute. Then whole point of the microfiber camping towels though, is that they’re thin and lightweight so they provide roughly the same warmth and comfort as a paper towel. We do have sheets of course (we’re not total heathens), so we’ve managed to bring some semblance of domesticity to our non-deluxe cabins but I will say after driving from Colorado’s Great Sand Dunes to Utah’s Arches and Canyonlands, then down to Bryce Canyon and finally past Zion (which we’ll be touring later today) I have never been so happy to see a proper pillow.
And a microwave.
And a bathroom of our very own so I don’t want to murder my husband when he dares to exit the cabin.
And the view from the front porch doesn’t suck either.