The plan was to meet for Happy Hour at Bistro Romano, head down to the Harbor Park and spend an hour or so canoodling in a hammock and then meet up with a few friends for an outdoor screening of The Princess Bride beneath the Walnut St. Bridge.
Mistake #1 was thinking that I could wash my hair, shave my legs and get dressed in exactly 15 minutes. Have you seen my hair? No? Well then you’ll just have to take my word that is very long, very thick and very curly. Washing it is an epic process. I should probably get in the habit of setting aside a month or two.
Mistake #2 was blogging about The European’s tardiness on our first date back in June. He’s gotten a bit hyper vigilant about it now so instead of having a my-date-is-going-to-be-late buffer zone, I have a man who arrived at the restaurant ten minutes early to my ten minutes late. Whoops.
Mistake #3 was wearing a bra. I am seriously not into bras these days but I was wearing a white tank top and it was a nice restaurant so I figured I should make a bit of an effort… three hours later, however, I felt compelled to perform a covert removal operation, which left The European rather aghast. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that actually, I do that sort of thing all the time.
Mistake #4 was wearing my clodhoppers. Technically, they’re platform espadrilles but they’re very loud and very clunky and even though I love them, they are only comfortable enough to walk to the Harbor Park and back, not to the Harbor Park and to the liquor store in Old City in search of wine to sneak into said park.
Mistake #5 was failing to remember that Walnut Street is a rather long street and the Philadelphia is a rather big city. After a good ten minutes of wandering around Penn’s Landing trying to find my friends, I finally called one of them and said, “We’re looking at the screen. And there’s a dog on a beach. Are you seeing a dog on a beach? I don’t remember there being a dog on the beach in The Princess Bride.” All the while, The European is hissing, “It’s Jaws. The dog on the beach is Jaws!” and eventually I remember that there are in fact two Walnut Street bridges in Philadelphia: Jaws was playing on the Delaware but The Princess Bride was playing across town on the Schuylkill.
Mistake #6 is the most embarrassing of all. I don’t know why but whenever I’m around the European, I have the urge to climb on things: mini golf fixtures, bridge trusses, railings, ledges, rocks, fallen logs, etc. Sometimes there is alcohol involved but plenty of times there isn’t so I’m not really sure what my problem is. Last night’s brilliant idea (which did in fact follow a bottle of wine) was to circumnavigate the outside edge of a rowboat at the Harbor Park. Have you ever tried to circumnavigate the outside edge of a rowboat? No? Well, don’t. They’re not balance beams. They are very serious, very dangerous pieces of nautical equipment.
Fortunately I fell into the boat and not out of it. But I now have cuts on my toe and my ankle, a black and the blue the approximate size, shape and sexiness of a Cheezits box on my thigh and a bruised sternum. Perhaps next time I get the urge to climb on something, I’ll leave my bra on for extra padding.