Writing left handed

The Truth, The Whole Truth

Today makes two weeks.  My brother called to see how I was doing yesterday and, after a few minutes, finally ventured “Is it too soon to ask what happened?”

“Oh.  No, of course not.  What happened is… we just fell out of love I think.”

The things is, there are always so many versions of the same story, and in this case they’re all true.

Version 1: TWD dumped me.

Version 2: Fucking TWD fucking dumped me over the fucking phone after I fucking bought him dinner the night before.

Version 3: TWD didn’t dump me and I didn’t dump him.  It was civil, mutual and for the best.  He actually meant “we need to talk” when he said “we need to talk” and over the course of said discussion, we came to a mature and rational decision—one that we probably should have come to months ago.

Version 4: I dumped TWD.

Version 5: I didn’t dump TWD.  I just spent the past six months criticizing him.

Version 6: I am a horrible person.  Why couldn’t I just be more accepting?

Version 7: TWD is a horrible person.  Why couldn’t he just change???

Version 8: I have no regrets.

Version 9: I regret everything.

Version 10: I am glad we’re through.  We would have made each other miserable in the end.  We were making each other miserable.

Version 11: I’ve made a mistake.  We’ve made a mistake.  Possibly the worst of our lives.  How am I ever going to find someone else like him?

Version 12: I’ve lost my best friend.

18 Responses to “The Truth, The Whole Truth”

  1. thesupremediva1

    I know from experience that #12 is the truth, and the worst part of the whole thing. I’m so sorry to hear about this although, as usual, you’ve brought great writing out of it. Be well.

    • Kat Richter

      Thank you. And yes, #12 is definitely the worst– also a first for me. But I like to think this means I’m at least headed in the right direction, as this is definitely an improvement upon past relationships.

  2. K.

    Impressively, I think you hit all of Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief in one fell swoop. =)

    It will get better. You can do it!

    • Kat Richter

      Hmmm… I’ve never heard of Kubler-Ross but I’m cool with that. It’s amazing how your feelings keep changing as time goes on, and without any real rhyme or reason.

      • Jerseyite Lurker

        Originally talking about how people respond to the news that they’re going to die (book title: “On Death and Dying”), but more broadly applied (mainly by others) to dealing with any form of loss or troublesome news, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief are:

        1. Denial (In the case of impending death, it takes the form of “These doctors don’t know what they’re talking about”).
        2. Anger.
        3. Bargaining (In the case of impending death, making all kinds of promises to God).
        4. Depression.
        5. Acceptance.

        (Just giving K’s post a footnote.)

  3. becky119

    “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift.” -Mary Oliver, The Uses of Sorrow

  4. Susan macBride

    All true and very normal. Glad you figured it out. Give yourself time and breathe. Love, Susan


  5. ksbeth

    it really will get better. if all of those happened, you reached the obvious end point. it will get better.

  6. Jerseyite Lurker

    I think a lot hinges on whether the final sentence of your tenth point is true. But in any case, the overall thrust of what you describe sounds like mutual acceptance of a mutual decision. So, good luck with whatever new adventures lie ahead now.

    • Kat Richter

      Yeah, the last six months or so have been difficult. Not to say that there weren’t good times, or that I regret having spent them with him, because I definitely don’t but I was upset with him a lot and kept thinking it was just PMS or stress or whatever else I was going through at the time.

  7. Jennie Saia

    I don’t know you well enough to dig into this, but it was beautifully written. All that comes to my mind is: Things don’t have to make sense to be right.

  8. Christina

    Does this mean you will renew your Match.com subscription and begin a new 30 dates challenge, at which we can all embrace the excitement and exhaustion of searching for the bestest partner in crime one could hope for?

    Too soon? 😀

    • Kat Richter

      In definitely thinking about it… But I think I need some more time. I don’t want to just solve one problem with another.

  9. Chicago-Style Girl

    You ever have one of those moments where you don’t know what to say, but you feel like you should say something to show you’re paying attention and you care? Yeah, that’s me right now. I know the writer in you is getting healing from these posts, so keep them coming.


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