Soccer Mom PJs

vintage pajamasA while back, we had a slight incident at The Wedding Date’s house.  His children were over, a door that should have been locked wasn’t and… well, without going into details I realized it was time to invest in some grown up pajamas.

And this time I mean “grown up” in the maternal sense.

I bought a blue and black capris-and-tank top combo in addition to a knee-length nightgown.  I’m not generally a fan of nightgowns—I’m not a fan of grown up pajamas period— but this one has a little ruffle around the collar so you can’t tell whether I’m wearing a bra or not.

I’ve taken to referring to my new duds as my “soccer mom pjs.”  They’re comfortable but they’re not particularly sexy… which is, of course, the entire point.

I’ve also started bringing a change of clothes into the bathroom with me when I shower, lest I find myself running around the house in a towel when TWD’s kids are around.

Finally, I’ve selected a half dozen “soccer mom outfits” from my wardrobe.  No more clingy tops or short skirts and even though no one seemed to mind when I went backless on July 4th, I’ve been trying to exercise a greater degree of maturity in my dress.

Admittedly, I don’t love this—I like dressing provocatively on occasion.  Heck, I’ve even vacuumed in the nude!  But it’s all part of the package when it comes to TWD.

This past summer, I began to realize just how complicated this whole situation actually is.  TWD brought his youngest along with him to Philadelphia to celebrate my birthday.  We were only playing miniature golf (albeit with cocktails) but when we decided to go for a drink afterward, TWD got all weird looking.

“What?” I asked.

“We shouldn’t come with you guys.  Not to a bar.”

Right.  That whole parenting thing.

He urged me to go along with my friends and offered to meet us back at my parent’s house but I didn’t want him to leave.  I wanted him—my boyfriend— to come with us.  Was that so crazy?

Eventually we compromised on a restaurant that had a bar, and my brother did an excellent job of making conversation with TWD’s kid while we ordered our drinks.

But still.  It’s difficult.

And sometimes I feel selfish because it’s like, “You know what?  I didn’t sign up for this.”  Sure I’ve known about TWD’s kids since our first date but I didn’t really comprehend what having kids entailed: the financing, the scheduling, the custody issues, the stress.  I didn’t know that I’d have to buy soccer mom pjs.  I didn’t know that I’d have to rethink my birthday plans to include an under-ager.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy spending time with them.  We had a blast watching the Opening Ceremonies together over the summer (at least I did, I’m not sure they were equally enthusiastic).  And going to the beach is way more fun with them.  Last Sunday, I even got to show off my new soccer mom duds at an actual soccer game.

And you know what?  It didn’t suck.  It wasn’t what I signed up for but I can think of worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.

35 Responses to “Soccer Mom PJs”

  1. becky119

    Well, at least you’re learning from your mistakes. 🙂

    And I’m curious, how old are his kids? Or is that an overshare for a blog?

    • Kat Richter

      Yeah, I’m trying to avoid gender-identifying pronouns and revealing their ages (although I’m sure I’ll slip up sooner or later). I didn’t ask to date a man with kids and they didn’t ask their dad to date a blogger! So yeah… mums the word on that.

  2. Katie

    I can’t imagine having some kids to deal with. That has to be a whole different kind of sticky situation to navigate in a relationship. Sounds like you’re pulling it off well!

  3. Ariel

    I’m not sure you can say you didn’t sign up for the kids, because by moving past a first date knowing they were part of the package, you inadvertently “signed on.”

    • Kat Richter

      Yes, the man himself has just pointed this out to me 🙂 I told him “I didn’t know BEFORE our first date, and after our first date I already liked you!” But you’re half right. I guess what I was trying to say that I didn’t sign on for all of the stuff that goes with having kids… because to be perfectly honest, I had no idea.

  4. Lauren

    You seem to be incredibly torn on the subject that if you continue your relationship with TWD, you will become his children’s step mother. No one is telling you that you can’t wear scantily clad PJs, and just because you are covering up in no way makes you a “soccer mom.” You have taken it upon yourself to go the extremes in order to compensate for your fear that the title “mom,” or it’s other other forms… like “step mom” will be one you WILL be WEARING by being in a relationship with TWD.

    A previous comment called you selfish, which you also presented as a question of self reflection in this post in regards to whether or not you signed up for this. Well, selfish or not, inviting (or whatever the circumstances were) a minor to mini golf, and then trying to move the party to a bar IS incredibly selfish. You are trying to create a relationship with TWD’s son or daughter and in one fell swoop you alienated him or her on the pretense that yes, it’s your birthday, and you will do whatever you want. If you had gotten a sitter or figured out a night where his child was not there by all means take your entourage to a bar for a drink, but as a person who is present in this child’s life it was incredibly inappropriate to even suggest activities unavailable to a minor. Also, you are perpetuating the fears of every child in a mixed family relationship. You are creating situations in where you believe TWD needs to make a choice between you or his kids. This situation would have been completely avoided if you grew up and realised that you are in a relationship with a man with kids. What you should have done (if you wanted to include his kids) was to have one celebration PG/family style, and one grown up celebration when the kids were with their mom. Maybe you aren’t ready to be a parent, and therefore not mature enough for your relationship with TWD, because being a parent means sacrifice and it means not moving your mini golf party to a bar because you feel like it.

    • Kat Richter

      Wow… I don’t usually bother to defend myself when it comes to these types of comments but this one has touched a nerve so I may as well explain the full story. My brother drives a truck for a living and TWD has an extremely complicated schedule. The only way I could celebrate with both of them was to plan our festivities for a night when TWD had his kid.

      That said, the original plan was NOT to go to a bar. I may be self-centered at times but I’m not a moron. The original plan was to go to an outdoor screening of “Midnight in Paris” afterward, and I brought MY laptop along with us so that TWD’s kid would be able to watch something else if “Midnight in Paris” wasn’t quite as palatable as I’d hoped it would be.

      Unfortunately, it started to rain so we had to come up with an alternate plan. I have one friend who couldn’t join us for golf due to health issues, another who was leaving for London shortly thereafter and a third who has two kids of her own and was eager to spend some time amongst grown ups for the evening since her husband was watching the kids. Admittedly, suggesting we go for drinks with a minor present was an oversight on my part but I was trying to be a good friend and there weren’t any real alternatives (such as an ice cream shop) because of the weather and our location.

      Normally I wouldn’t even respond but admittedly, I’m rather touchy about this particular subject. I OBSESS over setting a good example for TWD’s kids, from what I’m wearing to where I’m sleeping, and I know I don’t always get it right– in fact, I don’t even get it right half of the time, but I am trying.

      And I am sick of people calling me immature and selfish just because I admit that I feel overwhelmed sometimes. This blog is my place to vent and to be honest about how I’m feeling. I knew that I was getting into a relationship with a man who had kids but I had no idea what having kids, or dating someone who has kids, really meant. I am just starting to understand, and I am trying to take it one day at a time but I don’t think that being confused or overwhelmed makes me inappropriate.

  5. Landlord

    Hear, hear, huzzah, Kat! Yes, you knew he had kids after the first date, did you know what that entails? HELL NO! Not even those of us who are parents can claim we would have known what that actually meant. You teach=you like children…but you have never raised children or understood the ramifications of the all consuming job, that parenting entails. At least, GOOD PARENTING!

    Now, that said, you have always been a person who tries very hard to please everyone at your social gatherings, and since you have quite eclectic tastes, your friends are also eclectic. “Getting a drink afterwards” does not have to mean a BAR or a CLUB or anything that a child could not be a part of, something you quickly dispelled WTD of. Your father and I took you to many a bar/grill type establishment and thought nothing of it. People can get drinks at almost any/every restaurant, reality check here people…

    You showed great foresight trying to include his child, and his child had a great time, despite the plans being changed. And not to out WTD, but his child is not “babysittter age”…but in the twilight years, so to speak. Talk about alienation–she would have alienated said child by suggestion ANYTHING of the sort.

    Moral of the story, yes, this is Kat’s place to vent, entertain and think things through, she doesn’t need the moral majority casting her in a light that is neither fair nor well informed.

    Yes, she can be selfish about some choices, WHY THE HELL NOT??? Is she not free to have opinions, standards and goals that she is trying to achieve in figuring out who she is and how this life, that she may or may not want, can fit into these goals? I say BRAVO, for honesty as long as it is coupled with integrity, which in Kat’s case is standard OP.

    Once again, I must say to Kat’s dear readers, be aware that Kat is a WRITER, and as such may pen certain details for brevity, wit, circumspection, to push the envelope, to experiment and most of all to entertain, and to engage. Obviously she had done her job and will continue to do so as her journey to KAT continues. Come along for the ride and see where it takes her, but try to realize that, dear reader, she doesn’t always…tell all…

  6. TWD

    So here I am guys! I’m finally posting! This isn’t the first time I’ve wanted to write in but my reasoning for not doing it before is that I believe that this should be a safe place for Kat (and her readers) to voice her/their feelings and opinions and say whatever she/they wants to say without me having to chime in all the time with my side of the story (cough:I have fun, I just enjoy sanitary living conditions:cough). I kind of see it as her having conversations with her friends which she lets me listen on, so I can watch, but I should just keep my mouth shut, lol!

    Now, I respect Kat as a person, as an adult, as a woman and as a writer so I have nothing but complete confidence in her ability to fight her own battles. However, in this one instance, I feel that this battle belongs to the both of us. To call Kat selfish, especially in regards to my children, is absolutely ridiculous. For this past year, she has been nothing but patient, understanding and accomodating when it comes to them. I have not been in many relationships since becoming a father and this is the first relationship where I feel comfortable enough to bring the two worlds together like this so for both of us, it’s a learn-as-you-go kind of thing. I have never had the kind of communication that I have with her. If she feels uncomfortable with something, she lets me know and if I feel uncomfortable with something, I let her know. And no matter what it is, we figure it out and do whatever it takes to make sure that we’re both happy. It’s really a wonderful thing to have in a relationship.

    Kat and Landlord have already mentioned some of the particulars of that night, but there are couple of things I wanted to point out. One was that Kat wanted my son to come that night. Also, I can be a little bit of an overprotective father. My childrens’ feelings and well-being are very important to me and I’m always on the lookout for potential situations which could mess with that (I know, I know, I can’t protect them from the world forever, etc., but every father will hold off the world as long as they can). So I went into it with a little trepidation but there was absolutely no need. Kat’s family and friends were nothing but completely welcoming to my son. Every once in a while I took a step back to make sure he wasn’t feeling left out or uncomfortable but he had nothing but a great time that night. I especially wanted to give a shout out to Tech Support for really getting in there and hanging out with him for practically the entire time we were at the restaurant. That was really cool of him.

    So just so everyone’s clear on this: Kat is great with my kids. Kat’s family is great with my kids. If there was ever the slightest doubt about either of those two statements being true, we would not be together today. And her not knowing the full extent of what it’s like to date someone with kids is perfectly natural. Her ability to cope and accept them has been nothing short of phenomenal (her ability to cope and accept someone who hits the snooze button multiple times at 6 in the morning on workdays…not so much, but I’m sure we’ll get there eventually, lol).

    So hopefully, I haven’t scared off any commentators now that it’s obvious that I do read Kat’s blog and even more hopefully, I won’t feel the need to throw my two cents in anytime soon again (cough:I didn’t complain as much as it sounded about breakfast in bed and actually joined her with my own bowl of cereal:cough), lol! So we now return to our regularly scheduled blog! Enjoy everyone 🙂

    And lest I forget: te amo, Cariña!

  7. canti

    Kat … just be glad they’re kids.

    I had to deal with my husband’s four children … one was older than me, one my age, the other two – five and seven years younger. Only one of them came to our wedding, and that isn’t even the one I’ve become close to, six years after my husband’s death.

    One would have to expect that can happen when you become involved with someone 25+ years older than you, but trust me when I say there was Much Awkwardness (especially with the son who is older than me). There were also grandchildren to deal with, and at the age of 31, it was strange to try and think of myself as a grandmother, even a step-grandmother.

    Oddly enough, his ex-wife was always civil to me (at least to my face … they’d been divorced five years before I met him) … there were inevitable family situations (weddings, christenings) where we’d all have to be in the same place at the same time, so civil was a good thing, especially since she was a woman famous for her nasty streak.

    My husband was also older than both my parents, which was a whole OTHER story … wearing grownup pajamas is swimming in the baby pool, chick!

      • canti

        He really was … anyone who knew him wondered why he was married 24 years before he divorced #2 (I was #3, and three’s the charm, right?) … unhappy people really *do** stay together until the kids grow up sometimes …

      • cantispeaks

        Yes, well … as much time as we may have spent hanging in various situations for a few years, none of those times were really conducive (or appropriate) for that kind of conversation.

        That’s why it’s nice to still be in touch now that we’re all grownups … ❤

  8. jlillymoon

    Dear readers…..
    This has been interesting reading over the last few weeks. I am one of the few commenters here that has known Kat for a long time. But, unfortunately due to geography, I have not come to know Kat as well as others. Yes, we are related and yes, she is…. Well, a few years younger than me. I can’t pretend to understand what her life is like and what it is like to date aguy with children who has made a consciences decision to allow his children and his love life to merge. But I know one thing for sure. Kat was raised by parents who love her, gave her the opportunities to grow and mature as they saw fit but in the end gave her the tools to be a mature adult.
    But I want you to think about something, dear readers. What were you like at 27? At 25? At 18? Were you selfish? I’m sure you were. And at my age…. Well we won’t go there, but I do believe that there are two days in your life you are allowed to be selfish. Birthdays and mothers/ fathers day. When else can you say it’s a day for me. I want to spend it with _______ doing _____. If Kat wanted to spend it with her family, friends, TWD and TWDjr, than that was her choice. If she wanted a glass of wine, then that was her choice. I have a daughter. I understand that I can’t Lways do what I want because what I want to do is not an appropriate choice. But we all compromise. TWD has shown compromise. Kat has shown compromise. But the fact that they communicate about what he feels comfortable with is part of the parent / co parenting party.
    I know in my heart Kat will be a great mother. But she has a lot to learn most parents are starting from scratch. She’s walking into a family and slowly becoming part of it. Give her a break. If she’s half of the parent her parents are the kids will be lucky.
    Kat, I love reading your blogs, even though I have to admit it is hard at times to realize that you are grown and not the little girl I remember. I have a hard time realizing that even though we are related, we really don’t know each other that well and I learn so much about you from your blogs. You have done things that I can only dream about right now. Embrace your mistakes. Learn from them. Hopefully you and TWD will figure it out together.
    Don’t let the commenters get you down. They don’t really know you. and in the end, it’s they our family and the one you last see at night and the one you first see in the morning that matter.
    Stop with the crap please. I want you to say something to yourself before you post.
    T- is it true?
    H- is it helpful?
    I- is it inspirational?
    N- is it necessary?
    K- is it kind?

    Xxoo…. J

    • Kat Richter

      Aww, thanks J! I knew I shouldn’t let that one comment (from someone I don’t even know) get to me but it hit a nerve (as my original post must have for Lauren as well). And I agree: T.H.I.N.K. is AWESOME!

  9. Fred

    Only met you once at two fringe events (sundress day). followed up by seeking out your reviews, entertained by your blog.
    I’m divorced years now ,in a relationship for five years with widow, both of us with kids. Kids much older than TWD’s, always crazy dynamic trying to figure out how to please everyone. My only comment be careful trying to be who you think you need to be, soccer mom, vs who you are. My girlfriend tried to be who she thought she needed to be for my kids. It lead to some reflection of where the relationship’s core was. I missed the style and fashion she was giving up to please them. Include the kids but also don’t feel uncomfortable not including them and focusing on you and TWD. Crazy modern times. Blending, the word I use. Good luck. Love the way TWD, your Dad, family, and friends had your back today.
    Late comment from – overnight South Philly pharmacist Fred

    Ps – your review of Untitled Feminist had my son and I doubled over in laughter, we so agreed

    • Kat Richter

      I remember you! I remember thinking it was very cool that a father would take his teenaged son to not one but TWO dance concerts in the same day 🙂 Thanks for your comment. And I’m glad you liked the Untitled Feminist review. Admittedly, every once in a while (especially during the Fringe) I’ll see something that just doesn’t “work” and I start to think “Maybe I just didn’t get it?” But this was not one of those times…

  10. Philly Tap Teaser

    Ha! I’m the mom with 2 kids, desperate for a night out. And I don’t even own a nightgown! Kat beats me in that department. I was in attendance on this night in question, and the restaurant we were at was the equivalent of an upscale TGI Friday’s. As in, you paid $20 for a plate of wings, instead of $10. Just like TGI Friday’s, adult beverages were available on the menu, but it was not an adult bar/club establishment. Well, Kat, now you see what you get into, once you become a mom or take on a parenting role. Everyone has a (usually unsolicited) opinion about how you should act and what you should do with kids. I guess the unsolicited opinion part comes with the territory of a blog anyway. But, even so, welcome to parenting! 🙂 Personally, I take my kids most places with me, so they can experience the world. So, this birthday outing thing did not even read “scandalous” to me. I would have brought my kids to that restaurant with no problem, although they would have been less bored than the kid in question, because they are still young enough for crayonand salt-shaker entertainment.

  11. Landlord

    Oooooooh, Love T.H.I.N.K Jlillymoon!!!! Gonna put that out on FB today! And WTD, awww….

  12. chauffeur

    What Landlord said re Jillymoon and TWD…. and Tap Teaser makes a valid point as well, said “bar” is one I would not have hesitated to take a young Kat to if she were the age of TWD Jr. It is like a TGIF or any bar / restaurant. I am not sure we ever took our kids to a restaurant that did not also serve alcohol when they were young, LOL, Do such establishments even exist??? If so, I do not think I want to know of them.

  13. becky119

    You know I was reading the updates on comments on my iphone and was rather shocked at ‘Lauren’ and her comments. I was going to come on and defend you…I may not know you IRL, but I feel like I know you pretty well from reading about your life for the past few years (especially since I was playing catchup and ‘getting to know you’ in a matter of a few weeks).

    Now I feel like my comment isn’t even necessary because so many other people came to your defense. I do want you to know that the majority of the cyber-world understands where you are coming from. I don’t think it the least bit selfish that you are trying to figure out how to mesh your life with TWD and his kids. You may have a few years on me, but I in no way have to deal with this complicated a situation. The most complicated thing that I have to deal with is trying to be diplomatic when Adam’s brother is being an *insert appropriate adjective*.

    Glad you have people in your corner though. 🙂

  14. dude

    Public blogs welcome public comment and response. The internet is public, not a private place to vent. It’s like standing in the middle of a crowded mall and yelling what you write. If you don’t want to hear what others think or if they have different/strong opinions about what you write, might I suggest writing in an offline journal. 🙂


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