Maybe Adam and Eve Weren’t So Naughty After All
With our upcoming cruise just a few weeks away, it’s time to start packing. Not because I’m particularly organized when it comes to packing (and don’t even get me started on my laissez faire approach to unpacking) but because it’s only through the act of packing that I realize just how woefully unprepared I really am.
Take lingerie for example. I used to spend a lot of time window shopping for lingerie, and now that I’ve been turned onto a website site called Adam and Eve, which boasts a shockingly comprehensive selection of adult products, including lingerie and even sex toys (shock, gasp, horror!), I can go “window shopping” from the comfort of my living room.
You see, for someone who spends as much time as I do writing about men and relationships and wedding-related paraphernalia, my lingerie collection remains surprisingly scant. And sex toys? I am the proud owner of—wait for it— exactly ZERO.
I can still remember when one of my friends from college accompanied a classmate to the local sex shop. It was one of those horribly tacky places with fluorescent, day glow lettering and heart-shaped fiber optics in the window. Vibrators were purchased and even though I tried to act completely unfazed by my friend’s newest toy, I was vaguely horrified. (Then again, I had no idea why it was such a big deal to refer to the on-campus coffee shop as “The G Spot” in front of one’s parents. I thought “G Spot” was just a cute nickname for the underground establishment, which was officially named The Gopher Hole in honor of our college mascot.)
Fortunately, I’ve come a long way since then. I now own not one, not two, but four sexy babydolls, one of which resides permanently at The Wedding Date’s house buried beneath his t-shirts so as not to scandalize his children in the event that they decide to take a gander through their father’s wardrobe.
I’ve also come to accept that people have very different ways of expressing their sexuality, and even though I’m not entirely convinced that a vibrator isn’t going to malfunction and somehow burn my lady parts to a crisp, I’m no longer afraid to walk into a sex shop. (Although shopping online retains a much greater appeal, especially because the nice folks over at AdamEve.com ship their products in plain, unmarked envelopes and boxes to “preserve the privacy” of squeamish folks like Yours Truly…)
And take bondage, for example. I’ve debated for quite some time whether or not to actually include the word “bondage” in today’s post (people I go to church with read this blog! And I have dozens of high school-aged students under my charge during the school year) but I’ve always been a bit curious. I didn’t know until recently what BDSM actually stood for or that interested parties can attend regional meet ups and conferences to learn the basics, but the truth is there are a lot more people who engage in “alternative” sexual practices than you’d think and they’re perfectly nice, perfectly normal people.
I’m still refusing to read “Fifty Shades of Gray” on principle but only as a writer, not because I object to the subject matter. Because let’s face it: as long as you and your partner have a loving, trusting relationship (unlike E. L. James’s protagonists), what’s wrong with a pair of handcuffs? Or glow in the dark beaded panties? Or sex swings (especially when you can get portable, over the door models)?
Today’s post brought to you in part by Adam and Eve.
11 Responses to “Maybe Adam and Eve Weren’t So Naughty After All”
Well done! You have even piqued the curiosity of your very, “in the box/vanilla sex,” mother about the website and what it sells…
Haha, it does seem to be women of your generation, after all, who have made Fifty Shades such a success! Check out the clearance section 🙂
NOT ME!!!! On the advice of my daughter, I will never read that book series.
Just a little, practical, real-world experience here…you can use a vibrator without burning your clit off. AND, it can be a wonderful alternative, and preferable, to ending up in bed with the wrong man just because you’re horny. Believe me; I don’t know if I could survive the Drought of 2010-2012 without taking matters into my own hands, so to speak.
Haha, I love it: The Drought of 2010-2012! I’ll keep this in mind if I ever find myself in need of… assistance 🙂
Impractical lingerie isn’t really my thing. But as for toys… Funny story: we lived in a duplex for a year before we bought our house. The move was difficult, mainly because V was a baby and I needed to keep her out of everything. So I was really not organized about packing. On one of the last trips back to the duplex, the whole living room was cleared except for my desk and a battery-operated toy (use your imagination), standing straight up on the desk top My mom found it and honestly, I don’t think she knew what it was, otherwise, I don’t think she would have just set it so casually on the desk. Dale cracked up and I don’t even remember what I did with it!
OMG! I would have died, but I can totally picture your mom finding it and just kind of casually moving along to whatever the next item was that needed to be packed, LOL 🙂 Hopefully you didn’t accidentally pack it away somewhere that you forgot about, lest V or C eventually find it.
The only person I know who is into BDSM is one of my ex-husbands. And I wouldn’t call him perfectly nice, perfectly normal. He didn’t call 911 when he thought I was dying because, and I quote, “You were going to be dead before they got here.”
p.s. the rescue squad was 1/4 mile away.
p.p.s. I didn’t learn he was into BDSM until the day I moved out and he left some of his paraphernalia amongst my things. sigh.
A friend told me a story similar to that offered by ‘Philly Tap Teaser’. The couple had been living together for some years, when they decided to marry. Being told that marriage could kill passion, she decided to buy an array of sex toys to liven up their honey moon. She had them in her hand luggage and you can guess what happened at the airport: at security the bag was opened and its content emptied in full view of all the passengers! The groom nearly passed out “discovering” a facet of his new bride he did not know, whilst the bride nearly fainted of embarassment… I never heard if the toys were used, but they are still together!
I gotta love the toys, I have a wide assortment and have had a wide assortment since I was 18 or so. They will not burn anything if, I promise you, and I much prefer ordering online myself than going in the actual store. I feel the same with the stores being tacky and some cute little fuzzy handcuffs doesn’t harm anyone. I’ve also traveled with toys consistently and always have nerves they are going to find them and hold them up for the whole airport to see! That almost happened once but I told them I had a toy and they laughed like crazy and were more interested in an ornament I had bought for Christmas… whoops. 🙂
Oh my goodness! I would be mortified, but obviously you’re not the first person who has been through such a ordeal 🙂