Help Me, Obi Wan Kenobi

Ladies and gentleman, I need help.  The Wedding Date is a Star Wars fan.  A huge Star Wars fan.  I didn’t believe him when he first told me—it’s rather hard to picture a guy like him sitting around playing with little Luke Skywalker dolls (which is probably why he keeps insisting they’re not called “dolls” but “action figures”)— but it’s true.

He even has a Star Wars-themed Christmas tree this year.

We’ve bandied several text messages back and forth on the subject of his Christmas tree, which I’ll be seeing for the first time on Friday.  He was a bit sheepish about the theme but I assured him that themed trees are totally classy, unless of course the theme is lame (i.e. Star Trek).

This comment earned me quite a few brownie points, as did my mention of ewoks a few dates back (I have no idea how we got on the subject but The Wedding Date seemed rather impressed by my knowledge of all things intergalactic, until I started talking about how cute those “little furry guys” were and he informed me that the “the little furry guys” were wookiees, not ewoks).

(And yes, I’ve had to look up the spelling of both “wookiee” and “ewok” for the purposes of this post.)

My crowning achievement occurred during our last date during a discussion of The Seven Samurai.

“You’d really like it,” I told him.  “Being a Star Wars fan and all.  George Lucas based the opening scene on the opening scene that Kurosawa directed for The Seven Samurai.”

(Thank God for that Asian history course I had to take my senior year of college!)

Unfortunately, that’s the extent of my knowledge.   The full extent.  And seeing as I’m heading to his place on Friday, I need help because I don’t have time to actually watch any of the films between now and then.

So… any closet Star Wars fans out there?  Tell me everything I need to know.

30 Responses to “Help Me, Obi Wan Kenobi”

    • Kat Richter

      Hah! You know, I’m actually okay on this count. I played D&D in high school (a whopping ONE time) but when I mentioned it in order to establish my street cred, TWD promptly informed me that he is NOT into RPGs– phew!

      Reply
  1. Zak

    Okay, here’s the helpful quick list, and feel free to tell him you cheated, he’ll probably be okay with it:

    -Anakin=Darth Vader
    -Han shot first
    -Jar Jar Binks sucks
    -Amidala=Padme=hot-as-hell Natalie Portman
    -The original three (ie, 1977’s A New Hope – “Star Wars,” 1980’s Empire Strikes Back and 1983’s Return of the Jedi are the better three. (Note: I still like all of them.)
    -Feel free to call him your scruffy looking Nerf Herder (what Leia says to Han at one point)
    -Chewbacca, aka Chewie, is aweseome, ferocious, scary (all manly words), not cute
    -Jango Fett (blue bounty hunter mask) is Boba Fett’s dad (green mask)
    -Mace Windu (Samuel L Jackson) was the only guy with a lightsaber that was purple colored
    -Speaking of: all dark side characters use red lightsabers
    -Speaking of: all light side characters use green and blue lightsabers

    Holy crap, this list can go on forever…

    Just wing it. Be willing to watch them, tell him you don’t have to love Star Wars to like him, and if he’s okay with that, you’re golden. If he insists you watch the movies, probably time to run.

    And Han shot first.

    Reply
    • Zak

      And as I post this, I notice my Avatar is a Lego Darth Vader. God I’m a nerd.

      Reply
  2. Brazilian

    If you are going to talk about Star Wars you must mention Yoda, the Master Jedi. He is a short, funny looking character with long pointy ears. But he is very powerful due to his strong belief in the Force.

    “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.”
    ―Yoda, to Luke Skywalker

    Reply
  3. stevenfrancisco

    You can’t fake you’re way through a Star Wars conversation with a fanatic. But the biggest things to remember are:
    1) Episodes IV-VI (the old ones) are the best of the series. Episode I is not to be referenced in any other manner than “that was such a bad movie,” “an abomination of the series,” or “Jar-Jar Binks is Lucas’s worst character creation ever.”
    2) Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker are siblings
    3) Han Solo gets the girl; but only after spending a significant time entombed in ice

    Reply
    • Zak

      #1) I liked the I-III, too. I think “we” are all just very fond of the ones around nearly 20 years prior. And the names are just as corny.

      #3) Carbonite, but you knew that!

      Reply
  4. Katie

    Oh, Jesus. My husband is a huge SW fan as well.

    First, I have to correct you: Ewoks are the cute little furry guys. Wookies are the decidedly uncute big furry guys that make this annoying wailing sound that gives me the heebie jeebies.

    Moving on.

    Did you know there are whole slews of SW books? Apparently there are several different authors and different story lines and all these characters that never existed in the movies because they’re either pre or post movie time. Our dog, Mara, is named after one such character. Apparently she’s a badass — or was, until she died. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t read any of the books (and don’t intend to). But naming her after a character was the deal I had to make to get 2 dogs. I named the other Capone.

    We have an entire bookshelf full of SW books. I will probably blog about it one day. Good luck with this, and I will be thinking about you and hoping that it’s not until you’re old and married like me and have nothing else to talk about that you have a conversation about lightsabers.

    Reply
  5. t

    Drop him. Drop him now!

    Why? Because if you don’t, then you’ll fall in love with him. And you’ll get married. And you’ll have beautiful children. And each and every last one of them will in turn become Star Wars fans! And the next 18 years worth of dinners will be spent in conversation about it.

    Just a heads up.

    Reply
  6. Debbie

    Make a deal with him… You will watch the Star Wars movies if he watches the Colin Firth Pride & Prejudice. Fair is Fair…..

    Reply
  7. Susan macbride

    My most sensitive and spiritual son is a Star Wars fan. My mother took all her grandchildren to see it when it first came out when my kids were little. The message couldn’t be better and “the force be with you” is a good force. That became a mantra when my kids were little. See if he is also a dungeons and dragons fan, as well as Lord of the Rings. fantasy guys are great and you don’t have to be one to appreciate him. What do you like that he hasn’t a clue about?

    Reply
  8. Carl

    There is not anything wrong with telling him that you are not knowledgeable about Star Wars. In fact, having him teach you about it, or even watching the movies with him could make several fun and romantic dates.

    Reply
  9. amanda

    The Empire Strikes Back was the best of all six movies. Avoid the first episode (The Phantom Menace) like the plague. And yes, be willing to watch the movies. But first insist that you NOT WATCH THEM ALL IN A ROW. If he’s that big a fan, he’ll try and go for a marathon. The ewoks (so cute! I love them!), unfortunately, don’t put in an appearance until Return of the Jedi (episode 6).

    If you start to wonder why Yoda sounds so much like Fozzie Bear, they’re voiced by the same guy (Frank Oz).

    Oh, and neither Natalie Portman or Hayden Christiansen can act their way out of paper bags in the first three episodes. Seriously. You watch Portman as Amidala and it makes you wonder if she was on something at the time.

    Reply
  10. Wendy

    Zak’s comments killed me. Yes, please DO find a reason to playfully call him a scruffy looking nerf herder. And of course (!) Han shot first; he’s the man. I dressed my 2 year old up as Han Solo this Halloween. He was the man. The first three (in order of years) are far superior to the CGI mess George Lucas made recently. A true Star Wars fan bases his knowledge on those. 🙂

    Reply
  11. Katie M

    There are six movies. The original three came out in the 70’s and are the MIDDLE three films (there were supposed to be three trilogies). Those have Luke, Han Solo and Princess Leia as the main three characters. Luke is determined to get out of the planet he’s on because he wants adventure. Then the Empire tracks two droids (C-3PO and R2-D2) to his place and kills his aunt and uncle. So Obi-Wan takes him with him and teaches him about the force. This is where they meet up with Han and Chewbacca at Mos Eisley and take the Millenium Falcon out of that joint. They rescue Leia and piss off the Empire in the process…ok I don’t think I can type out all six movies here. But if you want someone who can explain them to you in normal-people terms, I’m your girl! The newer three were awful and most fans have a lot of beef with them. I have beef because I can’t watch Natalie Portman and Hayden Christenson pretend to be in love without wanting to vomit at some of the worst acting EVER. They DO, however, follow all your archetypal patters. The characters and the set up of the three movies is really standard so you can brandish about your knowledge of that stuff, too. Seriously, just ask and I will actually give you a rundown of all six movies. Or I bet there’s a spark-notes type thing on the internet somewhere too…

    Reply
  12. Rachel

    Yoda gives the best advice – “Do or do not. There is no try.” The rest you can find out for yourself! I’m sure The Wedding Date will love to teach you all about it. Enjoy! 🙂

    Reply
  13. theladyofvermont

    My experiences as a lover of all things Star Wars and Star Trek as taught me one thing: We can tell when people are faking their knowledge. It’s painfully obvious. Personally I feel like the best thing is to admit a lack of interest and then offer to give the movies a second try with us. Since most people are dismissive and condescending the mere offer to give it another go is always heart warming.

    Reply
  14. awindram

    Just insist that Greedo shooting first makes more narrative sense.

    Bit alarmed at what sort of geek he might be. There’s the sort who when you mention Kurosawa will be able to bore you to death about the influence of The Hidden Fortress on Star Wars and there’s the sort who buy Ewok Christmas baubles – beware the latter. Also if he dresses up as a wookie and goes to conventions don’t have anything to do with him.

    Reply
  15. Lost in France

    The one thing you can say about star wars it provokes a passionate debate.

    I think it was Episode IV that was the first film I played on my new big screen surround sound TV. When the space ship flys over you at the start, the sound is just incredible.

    Reply
  16. Anna

    Oh wow…I’m a total Star Wars and Star Trek fan…we better find some time to get some coffee.
    A few things to remember about the first trilogy, that is Episodes 4,5,6. I’ve seen Episodes 1,2,3 one time each and that’s plenty for me.

    Luke and Leia are not only siblings, they’re twins.

    Empire Strikes Back is the best of the bunch.

    The line “I have a bad feeling about this.” shows up in each of the movies…twice. It is the second most often used quote in the movies, second only to May the Force Be With You.

    Most of the Stormtroopers are left handed.

    And, because I’m a music geek…the score was composed by John Williams, the same guy that did the scores for Indiana Jones and ET, among others.

    May the Force be with you!

    Reply
  17. Gail

    Star Trek … the future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk is in Riverside, Iowa, just 15 minutes south of Iowa City. (future as in the year 2228) A huge festival is held every summer, attending in costume is optional.

    Reply

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