The Rest of the Story with Date #7

It’s been exactly one week since Date #7 walked me to my car, wrapped his arms around me and told me—for the umpteenth time—that I was making a terrible mistake.  As such, I suppose it’s about time for me to finally stop dragging my mud-caked heals over the chronicling of his brother’s wedding and get to the point: How the hell did it end?

I’m tempted to fall back upon the “relationship status” parlance that my generation—the Facebook generation— has come to accept as… well, acceptable and leave you with a trite “it’s complicated,” but really, it’s not.

It’s quite simple.

Long distance relationships require three things: trust, communication and a more or less steady supply of simple-yet-thoughtful gestures to remind your significant other that you’re thinking about them, even though you’re not with them.

Date #7 and I don’t have these things.  I’m confident that we could work towards them—he’s not stupid, and I could do with a bit of “personal growth” myself—but right now, considering how seldom we see each other (and how irritated I get when we do), the work doesn’t seem worth the reward.

Will this change someday?

Maybe.

Will I come to regret my “terrible mistake?”

Quite possibly, but in the meantime, I can’t keep doing this to myself.

I’ve written and re-written today’s post about a dozen times because I know Date #7 is reading, and The Wedding Date is reading and now, evidently, even Date #7’s mother is reading (yikes!  By which I of course mean “Hello,” and thank you again for the box of cookies; they were greatly enjoyed).

I feel I owe everyone (including all of you) a proper explanation but here’s the thing about being a writer: the story (and its outcome) changes every time I tell it.

I could tell you that dancing with Date #7 gave me a glimmer of hope.

Or I could tell you that said glimmer seemed (to me) a classic case of too little, too late (I’ve been ignoring his texts messages since the wedding and have stopped returning his calls).

I could tell you that I’m going out with The Wedding Date next Friday and that I can’t wait to see him.

Or, instead, I could tell you that I’m beginning to wonder if I will always cut and run whenever the going gets tough (I have, after all, broken up with every man I’ve even been with).

Take your pick— all of the above are true.

12 Responses to “The Rest of the Story with Date #7”

  1. Katie

    In this case, you didn’t cut and run when the going got tough — it was tough from the beginning. And no new relationship should be tough from the start. You need the happy, confident times to think about when things really are tough — when you get that 7-year-itch, when you have difficulty getting pregnant, when he gets laid off, when your kid gets arrested, etc. If you don’t have a solid foundation, you have nothing. Nothing at all.

    Reply
  2. Jenny Rebecca Winters

    Kat, this whole “series” about Date #7 has been great. (Hi, Date #7, friend of Kat’s here!) You laid your emotions on the line, you told it from your side but considered the other person’s side, and forgive me for sounding patronizing, but I really saw you grow from the experience. Your soul-searching has been admirable and I hope all your readers have also learned from you as you went through a relationship–publicly!!

    In the meantime, I know this awesome guy (from Central NJ) who is 27, gorgeous, intelligent, successful, pensive…and wanting to meet someone. (I would SO grab him if not for the 14 year age difference and–oh, yeah, I’m married!) You can call him Bound Brook Date if you want… 🙂 You know where to find me.

    Reply
  3. sarahnsh

    I’ve broken up with every guy I’ve been with too, but when you find that one that is the right fit for you, it will be scary, and it won’t be absolute perfection, nothing is ‘perfect.’ But, when you find that right one for you it will also be fun, there will be excitement, they will compliment you and also understand you as a person, even those strange quirks. And you’ll come to enjoy every moment you spend together… even if it’s just you two sitting on the couch.

    I’ve also seemed to be attracted and have long distance relationships drawn to me and you do have to have all those things you listed. You need to have ‘care packages’ to get through those times apart and, eventually, you two need to be together in the end without that huge distance separating you.

    Reply
  4. Zak

    How many real relationships are we each supposed to have, and how long should they last? If you can answer that, then you’ve also answered how many guys you are away/past due from “perfection.”

    As the other commenters said, it’ll work out how it’s supposed to work out, and other than controlling your feelings and actions, you can’t do much other than try to make others change. And you probably already know this (but if not, here goes): changing others doesn’t last.

    Reply
  5. Landlord

    did not see this post coming…hmmm…not sure what to make of it, except to take each day as it comes.

    Reply
  6. Philly Tap Teaser

    I don’t think you’re making a ‘terrible mistake.’ Could you put all of your energy into making this work? Sure. But from what I could tell, your relationship was based on an intellectual connection; maybe there was some chemistry, too, I don’t know. It’s hard to craft and build that into something more, especially when you have 6 hours of driving between you. I’m of the opinion that long distance relationships should be interim solutions – a short-term workaround – with the understanding that the two people involved WILL be together at some point in the near future, and that both people are working towards making their 24/7 togetherness a reality. Because your love/affection/whatever for each other should be so powerful that you can’t stand to be away from each other for a second. You deserve THAT kind of relationship – long distance or otherwise.

    Reply
  7. chauffeur

    None of this is fun, but you have played all your cards face up and seem to have been very direct, avoiding any game playing and such, so you’re a class act whatever way things develop… or do not develop. Plus the last week has been a blast to read.

    Reply
  8. Grey Goose, Dirty

    I think you’ll know when the right man arrives that makes you not want to cut and run. It’s just that sometimes the effort required isn’t worth the rewards. Sad but true and better you end things sooner than later. I’m sorry Kat. 😦

    Reply
  9. Lost in France

    When physically with you Date 7 may had started doing the right things, but I would fear that he would soon revert to type, when once more geographically separated.

    Reply
  10. Rachel

    A cliffhanger! Love it! I know it’s tough on you, but it’s the reason that you are the only blog I read these days. Best of luck as you navigate a possible relationship with the Wedding Date. And I love reading your parents’ comments. 🙂

    Reply

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