Happy (We Should Not Have Declared) Independence Day
Today is July 2nd. This means that we’re halfway through the Wawa Welcome America eleven-day July 4th extravaganza. You think I’m kidding? It began last week with the first of three fireworks displays and will conclude with an “eye-popping, jaw-dropping, light-up-the-sky fireworks display” (“the nation’s largest free outdoor Fourth of July concert”) on Ben Franklin Parkway in front of the art museum on the actual 4th of July.
(And that’s quoted verbatim from the official Wawa Welcome America website.)
If it seems like we Philadelphians take this holiday a bit too seriously, it’s because we do. Then again, the City of Brotherly Love is the cradle of liberty and all… what with Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell and the Constitution Center.
Aside from the cheesecake I plan to make for tonight’s party, I’m not particularly enthused about Independence Day. Whereas I imagine most bloggers will be posting a bunch of patriotic summer barbeque recipes or photos of red, white and blue cupcakes, I thought I’d take a different route this morning. A slightly more subversive route, if you will.
Five Reasons Why the United States Should Not Have Declared Independence from Great Britain
1) British accents are way sexier than American accents.
2) Had we maintained our allegiance to the Queen (or rather King George), Kate and William would be touring the US right now, not Canada. Also, their wedding would have been a national holiday so I could have had the day off work to recover from having woken up at 4:00am to view their nuptials whereas in reality I was forced to consume approximately six cups of coffee to make it through my morning classes.
3) We’d get bank holidays. (After nearly three years in the UK, I still don’t fully understand what a bank holiday is but I’ve deduced this much: they entail long weekends at random intervals throughout the year. And if you’re a foreigner, unaccustomed to such things, they are indeed a godsend—especially if you’re working retail and your willingness to “work the bank holiday” earns you time-and-a-half and a paid vacation day.)
4) We’d get to celebrate Guy Fawkes Day; this means we’d still get our fill of fireworks except it would be in honor of someone trying to blow up Parliament instead of a bunch of dudes sitting around Independence Hall writing a letter to King George. Call me crazy (generally I’m all for non-violent protest and civil discourse) but blowing up Parliament is way cooler and definitely more in keeping with a fireworks theme.
5) Wearing huge, ostentatious hats to weddings and funerals would be socially acceptable. Not that I’ve let this stop me in the past (and not that the Brits always get their hats right—Eugenie and Beatrice being a case in point…) but it would be nice to have an excuse to buy hats without my dad looking at me like I’m crazy.
7 Responses to “Happy (We Should Not Have Declared) Independence Day”
O! The hats! One thing I’m committed to in life is bringing back hats that are usually only worn here by elderly women on Easter. It could be a great stimulus plan for milliners across the nation.
I just redid my hat collection display yesterday!!! Hats and gloves…sigh…and yes, I do wear them, will wear two different ones today, a pink one for the peace fair and something festive for this evenings fireworks festivities (#2 on the Wawa Welcome Back America schedule)
I LOVE hats!
Hear Hear on all of the above! (Especially the hats and bank holidays.) As I am a person who works in schools and gets many a random three day weekend, I can say with confidence that we can always use more of those…
LOVE this! I’ve always adored all things British.
I agree that shaking up Parliament with a few explosives would be very exciting indeed, and then shooting off fireworks would make much more sense. (Although I’m for non-violent protest, lighting a fire under Congress these days wouldn’t be such a bad idea.)
And, I agree about the hats. I LOVE hats! However, I think Eugenie and Beatrice’s hats sent the exact message they meant to send. “Fuck you for not inviting our mother.” They definitely grabbed attention.
It has been a pleasure reading your blog, I hope they give you internet access from prison, after you get locked for such subversive thoughts. I’m sure though it will provide plenty of new blogging inspiration.
Glad you get the whole Bonfire night thing, burning the guy and all the fireworks. Not many foreign nationals do.
I must admit, though to be a fan of fireworks at any time, and would love to be there for your light up the sky extravaganza.
Enjoy you Independence and wear a great hat.
I was reading today that Brits consume 3x more chocolate per capita than Americans, so suddenly this all makes ever so much more sense. They *need* Bank Holidays, not having the Fourth, Columbus Day, Presidents’ Day, or Patriots’ Day (whoops, only in MA that one).