A Good Deed Equals GREAT Cleavage

Tyra Banks

I'm the fourth girl from the left... obviously.

I have issues with Victoria’s Secret.  Seriously.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve attempted to purchase myself a decent bra only to stumble out of the store bewildered and empty handed twenty minutes later wondering why I even bothered to venture from the outlet mall clearance rack in the first place.

I’ve been doing this for years.  It all began during a prospective student overnight at Goucher College during my senior year of high school.  I was the prospective student and my host, eager to dazzle me with the cultural offerings of suburban Baltimore, took me to Victoria’s Secret at the Towson Town Center.

I tried to buy a bra—all of the college girls were buying bras (or attempting to slip thongs into their shopping bags)—but I couldn’t bear the thought of asking a sales associate to direct me to the 36 NAs.

(Thought “A” cups were the smallest?  Think again.)

Nor could I stomach the price.  $49.50 for a bra?  Seriously?  No wonder shoplifting seemed to be the method of choice.

A few years later, I was forced to spend $12.99 on a bra but this was an emergency situation involving the urgent procurement of a strapless bra for a friend’s wedding; ordinarily, ten bucks is my limit.  (Which is probably why my cleavage insists on looking so completely fabulous all the time…)

I’ve been coveting proper undergarments for years but every time I muster the courage to walk into a Victoria’s Secret, I balk at the prices and run away before one of the sales associates can reel me in with their ubiquitous measuring tapes.  (I can just picture them whispering into their headsets “We’ve got a 36 NA in aisle seven.  I repeat: 36 NA!  All associates, please stand by…)

Even in London, when I worked around the corner from a lingerie shop, I couldn’t do it.  I used to try on bras during my lunch break and think, “Hmmm… I bet my boyfriend would like this one!” but they were always too tight or too big or too expensive or too slutty or too fluorescent.

Yesterday, en route to Happy Hour a production meeting with my co-producer, however, I decided to give it one last shoot.

You’re 25!  I tell myself.  You work hard.  You’re two days away from the end of the school year (and the arrival of Date #7… not that you’re buying sexy underwear for his sake) and if you want to blow half of this week’s paycheck on the Low-Back Multi-Way Bra with Gel Curve, that’s your prerogative. 

Of course on the way to Victoria’s Secret, I run into a homeless girl huddled in the shade behind one of the bus stops on Market Street.  She looks about my age and the minute I see her, I feel G-U-I-L-T-Y.  How can I spend $50 bucks on a bra when the girl at the bus stop doesn’t appear to have any clean underwear in her possession, let alone a home in which to store said underwear?

I pick up the pace, hoping I’ll forget about her if I walk fast enough, but I can’t focus—and the purchase of my very first Victoria’s Secret bra is going to require guilt-free focus.  Fortunately there’s a Walgreen’s on the corner.  I duck inside, select a water bottle from the cooler and spend the next ten minutes wandering around trying to think what sort of nourishment I’d want if I was a homeless person.  I take a pass on the beef jerky (she might be vegetarian) steer clear of the chocolate (it will melt in the heat) and finally decide on a variety pack of granola bars—even if she has nut allergies, she’ll be able eat the other flavors.  Plus granola bars are light weight so she can take them with her and this particular brand looks pretty healthy.

By the time I reach Victoria’s Secret, I’m way behind schedule and I still feel slightly guilty about the girl sitting by the bus stop (I should have given her a second bus token…) but karma works in mysterious ways: it’s the semi-annual sale!  The sales lady is the very picture of discretion when she takes my measurements, although for once I wish she would broadcast the results to the rest of the shoppers because—get this!—I’ve lost weight and gained a cup size!  Woohoo!

Victoria's Secret Bag

I did it!

Granted, she was measuring over the generously padded bra I was already wearing but who am I to complain when the gods of lingerie decide to smile down upon me?

I emerge with not one, not two, but three items for a mere $39.

I think I’m going to have to start buying food for the homeless more often.

And go back to Victoria’s Secret.

9 Responses to “A Good Deed Equals GREAT Cleavage”

  1. Tech Support

    So your worried the people in VS might judge you if you asked a sales person for your size but your ok telling the world on your blog.

    Reply
  2. Lost in France

    So much better than just giving the homeless cash. Well done on that.
    Thanks for the opening phot of the blog. Nice you and your friends could pose for it. LOL

    Reply
  3. Breakout Bras

    36NA?? The problem is that you are not a 36 band, you are a 32 (or smaller) band. You have to go to a place that actually knows how to size bras, VS not being one of them. When you get into the right sized band, you will of course have to also adjust your cup size up to the correct size too, or your bra will be too small around.

    Reply
  4. After I Quit My Day Job

    […] fact, that this is the reason it took me so damn long to finally break down and actually decide to purchase something at Victoria’s Secret.  Underwear shopping leaves little room for second opinions.  You either want a thong (or a lacy […]

    Reply
  5. becky119

    “Of course on the way to Victoria’s Secret, I run into a homeless girl huddled in the shade behind one of the bus stops on Market Street. She looks about my age and the minute I see her, I feel G-U-I-L-T-Y. How can I spend $50 bucks on a bra when the girl at the bus stop doesn’t appear to have any clean underwear in her possession, let alone a home in which to store said underwear?

    I pick up the pace, hoping I’ll forget about her if I walk fast enough, but I can’t focus—and the purchase of my very first Victoria’s Secret bra is going to require guilt-free focus. Fortunately there’s a Walgreen’s on the corner. I duck inside, select a water bottle from the cooler and spend the next ten minutes wandering around trying to think what sort of nourishment I’d want if I was a homeless person. I take a pass on the beef jerky (she might be vegetarian) steer clear of the chocolate (it will melt in the heat) and finally decide on a variety pack of granola bars—even if she has nut allergies, she’ll be able eat the other flavors. Plus granola bars are light weight so she can take them with her and this particular brand looks pretty healthy.”

    Ok, this post reminded me so much of Adam and my first kiss. See, I met Adam when we were both going to Temple University. I was working in the campus video store (which is no longer there) and Adam would always come in to rent video games and movies. We would have casual interactions, and I thought he was cute, but my flirting was getting me nowhere. (I found out later that Adam didn’t even notice me until his friend pointed out the fact that I was cute…but that’s neither here nor there).

    Eventually, Adam and I started talking online and one day I invited him to come visit me at the store telling him that I was bored and I had no customers. (We stayed open until 2am). Adam asked if I would make it worth his while and I said of course! He came and we watched a movie while I waited for 2am to come around. Once I was able to close the store we decided to walk around campus for awhile chatting. It was cold (early October) and Adam gave me his sweatshirt. We sit down on a bench on liacourse walk and are *moments* away from kissing for the very first time…and a homeless guy comes up to us and asks if we have any change.

    I was pissed. But Adam, wanting to impress me, went with the homeless guy to 7-11 and bought him a loaf of bread, some cheese, some water, and some subway tokens. The guy was very thankful and I thought that Adam was very sweet…but it really did kill the mood. (I did get my kiss later on that night, so it worked out for everyone) 🙂

    Reply

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