How (Not) to Sexile Your Parents
Here’s one I bet you’ve never heard before: I’m attempting to “(s)exile” my parents. (For those of you just joining us, I moved back in with my folks after finishing grad school).
Crass though this may sound, I think Date #7 and I deserve a little privacy when he makes his sojourn to Philadelphia next week and seeing as my parents go out of town all the time, I don’t see any reason why they can’t schedule themselves to be out of town next weekend.
I should state that despite my concern over sexy underwear, I have no intention of actually sleeping with Date #7 (and he knows this, so it’s all good). Granted, I’ve thought about it—on more than one occasion if you’re interested—but methinks having sex with the man from across the state during our first meeting probably isn’t the greatest idea. (And I’m going for the “Don’t f*ck this up” approach to relationship-building this time around.)
As such, I’m not really trying to “sexile” my parents; I’m simply trying to make-out-exile my parents but “make-out-exile” (as you can see) doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
Nonetheless, Landlord and Chauffer (aka my mom and dad) are voicing all the usual concerns:
What if he turns out to be an axe murderer?
What if he turns out to be a serial rapist and an axe murderer?
What if he turns out to be a serial rapist, an axe murderer and looks nothing like his profile pictures?
(Okay, so I’m more concerned about the last of these than they are, but I like to think I have pretty good instincts when it comes to men. I mean I’ve weeded out all of the potential serial rapists and axe murderers thus far, haven’t I? It’s not like I’m typing this from a dark alley somewhere, about to meet some unknown but 0h-so-handsome stranger.)
Unfortunately my parents are the kind of parents that actually care about the wellbeing of their children—even their adult children—so it looks as though I’ll have to revert back to the ol’ clandestine hook up techniques I perfected during my senior year of college.
(Can I just say how glad I am that I can hear the garage door opening from three flights up?)
In the meantime, I totally forgot to announce the winner of last week’s speed date challenge. Although the evening turned out to be a bit of a disappointment (and by “bit” I mean HUGE) I did receive some fantastic suggestions from my readers. Check out the following blogs: Culturally Discombobulated and Slow Down Son —their contributions to the blogosphere are ever funnier than their contributions to my comments box—but before you go, I have new question inspired by fellow blogger and serial dater Zak.
Yesterday, Zak wrote:
For the record, I think that even non-sexy underwear would be perfectly acceptable if my date and I were interested in sex on a first/second/whatever date.
What say ye? Is sex on a first and/or second date a good idea or a recipe for disaster?
23 Responses to “How (Not) to Sexile Your Parents”
Is the date #7 going to be here for Father’s Day…you did realize that Sunday is father’s day? LOL
Ummm… yes…and no. Good thing I haven’t actually planned anything yet! I thought Father’s Day was THIS Sunday 😦
No this weekend is the start of chauffeurfest…bday tomorow.
Call me old fashioned, but sex on the first or second date is way to soon to get sexually involved. I believe in really knowing a person before you have sex with them. I’m of the old school where having sex was meaningful, not so casual.
Sex on the first and/or second date is disaster for a girl. You will gain nothing and in fact you will lost the respect of any man you deemed to be serious about. I’ve had a lot of first date sex…i wanted it and I got exactly what i waned out of those relationships….sex at my beck and call while able to put on my clothes and walk out of the door…
Set the stage appropriately…there should be a clock in your head that suggests the right time…if you want not just his respect but you want something deep, let him know that no man, regardless of who he thinks he is can breach your walls so easily…
after all, a man fights hard for unconquered territory…. long battles, however when there is no fight at the border? He conquers and leaves to find other land that he thinks should be his…
Deep or shallow…it is you who forge the opening chapter of relationships….make it an interesting read….
I couldn’t agree more with T. He is right on the money. If a guy can get “it” on first or second date, then he’ll be thinking that others were able to do the same and therefore, the challenge isn’t there anymore.
Right on T.
The Brazilian is correct as usual, and “The T’ is also on the money. I am not sure you should sexile your parents, after all it is the final weekend of “Papa Fest 2011”, A 9 day celebration of all things your father ….that begins manana.
Go out with Landlord some ware…kat needs some time alone with her lover from across the state. Its not like this happens all the time.
Rarely does tech support (aka a brother) actually want to help his sister… what’s your motivation? How much did she line your pockets?
What are you talking about, Kats the mean one lol
Really, were pretty close.
I would make a game time decision, kid.
You might quickly determine that he isn’t long term material, but certainly worthy of a roll in the hay. Nothing wrong with that. Considering the long distance nature of the connection, you may find you’re better off serving your “O” (if you’re so fortunate) and crossing this candidate off your list.
For sure, it is always ALWAYS a recipie for disaster. I learned that one many times over the hard way.
Just commenting on terminology … 20 years ago when I was in high school I used to be given a ‘reverse curfew’ as in, be home by 11 but *not before* 10:30. Guess it works both ways.
LOL, love it!
Woah, I got called out in a good way! Thanks, Kat.
Read Rita Dove’s gorgeous poem “Flirtation.”. My favorite poem about people who are “in like.”
It’s anybody’s guess as to whether they hop into bed at the end of the poem, but I don’t think they do! I think they just keep sitting there eating oranges. Lol. You’ll see what I mean if you read it.
Agreed no sex on the first or second date. It complicates EVERYTHING. Get to know each other first and take your time. Whats the rush? If you really click you’ll have plenty of time to “Connect” if you know what I mean 😉 Maybe I’m just old fashioned. Ultimately, its up to you! Enjoy your weekend with date #7. Cant wait to read about it.
Oooh, thanks for the shout out! Much appreciated. 🙂
Sex on a first date? Gosh! From my own perspective as a male, and thinking back to when I was single, I certainly wouldn’t have thought any better or worse of a woman who had sex on a first date. Nor would I expect the woman to think any better or worse of me. Admittedly, I’d probably be surprised it got to that stage that quickly, but it’s a consensual decision taken by two adults, if there’s any immediate chemistry it theoretically shouldn’t be a big deal (pun not intended). Any male who feels differently about a woman after sleeping with them on a first date and loses “respect” for the woman clearly has their own deep-seated issues about women and female sexuality that they need to overcome.
I disagree with awindram….as a male, i’m your polar opposite… Sure I’ll have as much sex as I want and I’ll take it on the first date, but if she’s gonna give it so easily, it’s not me that has the deep-seated issues… I know my worth….I’m simply feeding my own voracious appetite…. the girl I’m with? She has to try “that” hard to get me to like her straight off the bat? i’ve never seen great relationships stem from first date sex…I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but all of the greatest relationships that I’ve had came from a point of earning that kind of relationship and not simply giving it away…
being an adult about things means taking the time to examine the outcome of our actions…aka taking the time to get to know one another. Being a child, on the other hand is giving in when the consequences are not fully known or propoerly understood for the simple matter of being satisfied in the moment…
Don’t misread this…i can be a child about what I want, but when the moment is over, sometimes you have a situation which is hard to simply clean-up….
We are, however, entitled to our own opinions…this one happens to be mine…
T- So it’s a double standard? I know myself and know what I want from life, so if I want to have sex with someone on the first date, as a female I have issues (did I sum up correctly?). Excuse the rudeness of this, but BULLSH*T. Women can and do have voracious appetites for sex, too, and this does not mean we have issues. Why is the woman the only person “giving up” anything? You are technically giving it up too.
I’m with awindram.
To lose “respect” for a woman, and I feel this should ideally be signposted for you in neon but capitalization is all I have, because of a CONSENSUAL AND UNCOERCED DECISION you both made together is a grossly misogynistic viewpoint. There’s plenty of reasons for why sex on a first date is arguably a bad idea, losing the “respect” of the other willing participant in the act is not one of them.
“She has to try “that” hard to get me to like her straight off the bat?”
I know, crazy isn’t it? I mean, low self-esteem is absolutely the only reason a woman would have sex with a man on a first date.
it is definitely a double standard… i never would say that I don’t have them…however I’m also very role-based…I want my cake and want to eat it too. But when it comes to matters of “love and romance”, then I’m willing to wait, I’m willing to endure a lot of work to win that love and to let her know she’s very much worth the effort…if i can conquer that territory without a fight and think that I wouldn’t look for as much land as I could have, then that’s not really the nature of man. Most men that I know are greedy…I’m greedy…but when it comes to the concideration of the investment of my heart< i'm not so greedy…I'm very giving and for that, i'm willing to earn the respect that I'm going to demand just as much as the respect i want to give to her…it's not a cheap moment..
I will agree with you that some women have a voracious appetite to match any man's. I'm happy for her and I'm certain that she would be much more happy knowing her man is willing to be more intimate and respect her more for working and waiting a bit more to make the foundation of their relationship something that isn't sexually based, but based in the ethic that anything worth having will take time and effort. This is only the opinion of a bastard who likes having his way on his time schedule, so if you can't read the honesty in these words, and the hope in truly good girls to invest in, then i'm not sure that you can accept that we all have our own tolerances for the different levels of respect we demand and are willing to give in return.
Not that I’ve had an enormous amount of experience in the area of casual dating, but I am of the firm belief that sex should be brought into the equation when love is already there. I had one casual ‘relationship’ (according to cops, having sex means it’s a relationship)…and it was a big mistake. The reason that I know cop standards for defining a relationship? Well because this guy got so hung up on me that he proceeded to stalk me and I had to go to the cops. Fun stuff. He didn’t leave me alone for two years despite being told by me and Adam that I wanted nothing to do with him. I even told him to back off or I would go to the cops and he didn’t listen. A few months ago he tried to friend me on Facebook. I was just like, really??
So yeah, I think that getting to know who you’re with before taking that step is a good idea. And I’m glad that I have these principles because otherwise I would have been a total slut before meeting Adam. But to each his/her own.