STOP Writing Love Letters
There is a fine line between romance and desperation. I know this not only because I’ve crossed it on more than one occasion but because I seem to be drawn to men who do the same. In response to a post I wrote last weekend (Would YOU date me?), a certain gentleman from the Virgin Islands dubbed me “incredibly romantic.” He’s right: I know it may seem as though I’ve become completely crass in my search for love but this is hardly the entire story.
When the email first arrived, my heart skipped a beat. It contained an attachment, the attachment a photograph and the photograph an entire page of handwritten prose; in essence, it was a love letter for the digital age.
Being the sensible girl that I am, I replied in kind: an entire page in my journal filled with my tight black script, a quick click of my camera phone and an email.
This went on for some time and I began to look forward to these letters like a lovesick teenager. (Words have always been my downfall.)
I ignored all of the red flags, and yes, there were many:
You’ve never even met!
Doesn’t he have something better to do than hang around drinking martinis, chronicling their consumption and emailing you the results?
Isn’t this a bit… unhealthy? You fall in love before you should easily enough on your own; you don’t need any help from a fellow romantic to abandon all sense of propriety of good judgment.
Was it lovely? Yes. Was it healthy? No.
Fortunately the man to which I’m referring was not Date #7. (What a relief, right? I bet I had you worried for a minute there. You were probably sitting in front of your computer, sipping your morning coffee, all the while wondering “When’s the girl ever gonna learn? She’s gonna screw it up with this guy too!” Well, don’t you worry: T-11 days until his arrival in Philadelphia; I can keep my romantic notions in check for at least another week.)
Rather, it was someone I encountered earlier this year with whom I subsequently (and perhaps not unsurprisingly) did not live happily ever after.
For all of the men out there, I’ve got to say the whole notebook-love-letter-photographs-email thing was one of the best “moves” I’ve ever encountered. It was sweet and sexy—very Jane Austen if I dare say— and I’d encourage all of you try it.
That is, if you’re already in a relationship.
If you’re not, hold off because really, it’s a disaster waiting to happen—one which I intend to avoid this time around.
Fieldwork in Stilettos 
9 Responses to “STOP Writing Love Letters”
You gave yourself and others some very good advice. Romanticism is good but uo to a point where it crosses into the unreal.
Being a gentleman entails just as much common sense and good taste as it does being well put-together and holding open the occasional door. Women can, in fact, smell desperation, and it smells terrible.
Exactly!
Being practicle has it’s drawbacks… the old addage still remains…”no risk, no reward” sometimes, even when i know the fray will be bigger than i can handle, i cast a devilish grin upon my face and enter it anyway… if i die, then i knew the risk, however, if i live, i am legend. That is my life to the “T”… I have risked everything in order to live the way i do…no regrets… live is beautiful and beautiful things, (including a relationship like the notebook),require putting everything on the line…
everything….
T.
It’s true… I guess I don’t to put everything on the line anymore, at least not for someone I’ve never met!
To the gentleman from the Virgin Islands: could you explain what being practicle has to do with taking pictures of handwritten prose?
To Kat: were you flattered into response? Surely you know the view T holds of serial dating?
Haha, don’t worry Kat, I’m not booking a flight to the Virgin Islands any time soon 🙂
@Kate Furguson, my reference to being practicle was that although it’s not always safe to develop such strong feelings for someone who you may not have met face to face, the words spoken between people remain powerful and can make a difference in the judgements of people who do eventually meet. I met the last great love by simply seeing her smile… I wrote to her about it and although I was “really impracticle”, I reached into the great abyss and was rewarded for it. Risk/Reward/Success/Failure… cycles of life…how big each one of those sections are can come from being brave in the face of the unknown… and yes…you are absolutely right… I’m not a believer in serial dating… investing time and careful interest is very “old school” but I’m comfy with it… great romance starts in such ways… Just like most people, I’ve got dualities that exist in me… wicked/saintly, good-boy/debaucherous bastard…however, I love romance…and I’m picky about it… just as I would hope you would be…
T.
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