It’s all Relative, Except when its NOT!
I’m chatting with my friend Ove from Norway about Date #7 (the man from across the state who I’ve never actually met) when he asks the obvious question: Why don’t you just drive out to wherever it is that he lives and meet him?
Well, this may be an obvious question for a Norwegian (you can read all about my thoughts on Scandinavian dating culture here and here) but for me?
“No way,” I respond. “He has to come to me.”
Ove shoots a bevy of emoticons my way and types, “You are too traditional, Kat.”
And so I am. I am American after all and the so-called “land of the free” is also the land of the Pilgrims. We’ve come a long way since 1620—feminism, for example, has been invented; ditto automobiles—but there is no way I am driving across the state to spend the weekend with a man I’ve never met.
According to my latest WordPress subscription notice, I have quite a few international readers these days so I will pause briefly for a quick lesson in American geography.
When I say “across the state,” I am referring to a rather large state. Driving from Philadelphia to the city where Date #7 currently resides would be the equivalent of driving from London to Dublin (if such a thing were possible) or Prague to Hamburg. It’s only a little bit closer than Stockholm is to Copenhagen (and for my geographically challenged American readers, yes, these Scandinavian cities are in two different countries).
So basically, when I say the “other side of the state,” I mean far, far away. Far enough to fly. And definitely far enough to qualify as a Long Distance Relationship.
I’m a veteran of the LDR. I’ve done Philadelphia to Baltimore (twice, actually) and believe you me: the hour and a half on I-95 was nothing compared to my previous LDRs (try New Jersey to Montreal or Philadelphia to London).
To be honest, I kind of prefer LDRs.
Why? Well, I like my space, I like doing my own thing and I’d be remiss in my ethnographic duties if I failed to admit that during my college years, I even liked all of the drama of those tearful goodbyes and lonely birthdays. (Surely I’m not alone here?)
Suffice it to say, LDRs have worked well for me in the past (to the extent that I’m still single, that is). Of course, Date #7 and I are still several hundred miles away from an actual relationship (he’s the one who pocket called me on his last date and after reading all of your comments on my non-make out session over the weekend, I just make take matters into my own hands…)—but I’m hopeful.
If he manages to get himself to Philadelphia, that is.
Fieldwork in Stilettos 
4 Responses to “It’s all Relative, Except when its NOT!”
I’m with you, Kat; I like the men to come to me. I don’t like passive men, so if he’s truly interested in having a relationship with you, he should make the effort. I’ve been told I’m too traditional too, however, so I’m also interested in the advice you’ll get from others. I’ll stay tuned.
To borrow one of a (lady) friend’s* favorite quotes: “Do you know what I’m hearing right now? I’m hearing excuses!”
Coming from California, Pennsylvania is not that large a state. The drive from Cleveland to Philadelphia is only about 8 hours — Google maps says Philadelphia to Pittsburgh is only about 5-1/2 which soulds about right — if you limit yourself to the speed limit.
Just meet him and get it over with. Go to him. Enjoy the vacation. And if you make it to Pittsburgh, add a couple more hours to visit Cleveland — The Cleveland Museum of Art is free and quite well regarded and it’s a lot cheaper than going back to Europe.
*- Friend who is a lady, not to be confused my ladyfriend.
I think you’re in the minority this time, Lincoln 🙂
we in Europe always thought that driving a few hundred miles for anything in the States was not really given a second thought.
When we lived in Northern Florida a friend of ours, who was in Houston , drove over for dinner, and hed did not really think it was excessive.
But I would not suggest going even 10 miles to meet a strange man in a strange environment. Stick to meeting them in areas you feel comfortable. It is for your own safety.