The Return of Date #4
Image by roeyahram via Flickr
Well here’s an unexpected development. I’ve already mentioned that my return to Match.com has uncovered some repeat offenders and this is to be expected (surely I’m not the only glutton for punishment here in the City of Brotherly Love.) Although I was surprised to find Date #5 still trolling the waters (surely someone would have snapped him up by now?) it was an email to my Match.com account that really threw me for a loop.
The email, you see, was not from Date #5 (whose move to New York evidently did not take place) but rather from Date #4.
Date #4, as you may recall, played a leading role in last summer’s Great Date Experiment. It was Date #4 (aka He Who Wore Cufflinks) who took me to Time, Date #4 who sang to me on my birthday and Date #4 who offered me his shoulder to cry upon after the whole Temple University debacle. Of course, no actual crying took place; he treated to me to dinner at Smtih and Wollensky’s instead, then to dessert at Parc, and finally convinced the doorman at the fancy apartment complex on Rittenhouse Square to let us take a peek inside the lobby by referring to me as his “girlfriend”; it was at this point that I decided to A) run through the sprinkler system that keeps Rittenhouse lush and green throughout the summer and B) to finally kiss Date #4.
A week later, however, when we reached that oh-so-crucial fifth date, the relationship began to self destruct.
We lost touch nearly seven months ago.
Even though I was pleased to discover that he was still searching for the love of his life on Match.com (albeit in an embarrassingly bitchy “Sucks for you!” sort of way) I didn’t dare to click on his profile.
This is because Match keeps track of users who view your profile and provides you with this information through a handy dandy daily summery. I know this because back in the day, I used to enjoy clicking through Date #4’s photographs (there’s a very sexy one of him drinking a cup of coffee) and he accused me of cyber stalking him.
Obviously I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
Instead I was going to be cool.
Instead I was going to be calm.
Instead I was going to pretend that I couldn’t care less about whatever happened to Date #4 and why he blew me off when I brought his attention to the fact that our dates always took place on his time, at his favorite places—and believe it or not, I was all of these things, despite my curiosity.
Nonetheless, less than a week into the renewal of my Match.com subscription, I received an email from Mr. Cufflinks himself. He’s since invited me to meet him for a drink at his private members-only club. (Right smack in the middle of Center City of all places!)
The ink is barely dry on the article I wrote about resisting the urge to “reheat old soup” for my friend Dennis’s site (part of which will look familiar), and I know that Date #4 and I failed miserably over the summer but still… it’s just a drink.
Thoughts? (It occurs to me now that the phrase “It’s just a drink” may be the most clichéd last words ever.)
Kat Echevarría Richter 
28 Responses to “The Return of Date #4”
It’s merely a beverage.
Is that better? 😉
Yes, much less cliche 🙂 You gonna be at the PWC?
If I can afford it! Which is sort of up in the air right now, unfortunately…
Go…Have Fun! It’s just a drink…
It is always more intriguing if there was never and “ending” to a relationship, even one that was short-lived. I think it is human nature to wonder why/how did it go off track, where you aware and not just notice, hope it was not what you believed it was? I think you asking the questions about why it was always on his terms stirred the pot, and although you were able to verbalize your frustration with it, perhaps he was not.
Great post on the other site too–
oops, writing too quickly while feeding the dogs, what a mess–
*were you aware and just did not notice? Or hoped that you were just misreading things?*
Perhaps “He Who Wore Cufflinks” is your version of my Cupcake Queen…?
As long as you don’t do anything you will regret, go nuts.
Oh no! We’re both hopeless in that case 🙂
U-huh. It really can be just a drink unless it becomes “just a drink” 😉 Hope you update us on what happens! 🙂
Cufflink Man sounds great. The fact that he knew that you were enjoying his profile a lot (whilst you were personally unaware that he was being informed of your many visits) was probably very encouraging to him. Taking into account the fact (from your profile) that you are obviously not an insane stalker, and that upon meeting each other, you were both probably pleased with what you saw….but I’m on a tangent…
I think reheating really good old soup is worth the savoury experience.
You have the makings of your very own Mr. Big. 🙂 Hope the drink is tasty. 😉
If your single, and he’s single, and he looks sexy drinking a cup of coffee then why not?? Go for it! Maybe it wasn’t the right time seven months ago. I’ve had those ‘just a drink,’ dates with an ex … happy drinking! 🙂
Ah, the old cup o’ soup debate. Here’s my take: before you get married, people’s favorite advice to you is,”You can’t change another person.”
But once you become a Mrs. and the first “OH my god, he did WHAT?!” phone call occurs, suddenly your friends’ default response is, “I’m sorry sweetie, people change” (advice which, in a way, makes sense for married people because at that point you can’t go back in time to pay more attention to clues or omens portending this new development– and hubster, if you happen to read this, don’t fret: it was probably dirty clothes-related, and I still wouldn’t change a thing 😛 ).
My view on the dichotomy: People DO change (“for better or for worse”); you just can’t MAKE them change (“So you’d better shop around”).
So I say go for it, but go into it with eyes open– Open to the possibility that Date # 4 may have grown in seven months, but equally aware that the relationship likely will not be worth pursuing if this “just a drink” still leaves the same bad taste in your mouth.
Excellent points, Lauren; thanks!
He’s had all this time to miss you! Here’s hoping he’ll be more flexible this time around.
I would go for a drink, and take him up on the invite to the members-only club, it is a safe bet you’ll never get invited there because of your family connections, political bend, or world views. May be fun.
Hah! True ‘dat 🙂
Wow, I just looked at the club’s website. I say go there, looks lik 19th-century enough to make for a great story, if nothing else!
It’s GORGEOUS… I was there for an event once when I worked at Walnut Street Theatre but I was just “the help.” I imagine it would be different as somebody’s date 🙂
Beware He-Who-Wears-Cufflinks! A flair for flawless presentation plus dates happening where he wants, when he wants, how he wants, smacks of a very controlling personality. Be careful not to get swept along in the tides of persuasion and nostalgia… No matter how tempting the bait, there’s always a hook.
Wow, two metaphors in one sentence! At any rate, I would definitely approach with caution. 😐
You’re absolutely right– I’ll be careful. Or at least I’ll try to be careful 🙂
Hey Kat,
It’s Kathleen from the CORD conference!
Just got home last night from traveling…
Send me your email…
Kathleen
Go. A cocktail in great surroundings. How can that be bad (you can scope out potential new dates, btw….. or their grandfathers) 😉
There is another way to look at this- rehated soup can often be yummy!! BUT seriously, I hate it when a conversation goes like this: what would you like to do for dinner? “Ummm…. Well what do you feel like?” If I knew- why would I ask you? The fact is that sometimes, most times, it is awesome when a man makes decisions about those things. Then one day- you just take charge, and say “we are going to…..I will see you at 7 o’clock.”
Xx
Go for it as it seems great blogging fodder, but if there is a next time chose place, time etc and select something that you love but he is unlikely to know anything about/like and see if he is up to it. You don’t want just to be a trophy that can be paraded about!
In the words of those wise people at Nike – “Just Do It” 😛
You need to create a fake second account so you can cyber stalk without them knowing. You can view from the free account without paying.
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