My Continued Adventures on eHARMony

Single Ladies

You’ll have noticed that I’ve not said much about eHarmony lately.  This is because eHarmony sucks.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I still, on occasion, find the profiles of undeserving men amusing, I’d have cancelled my subscription long ago.  To be sure, I’m rapidly losing the strength to “soldier on” and I no longer hold any illusions of actually finding my soul mate, at least not on eHarmony.

I’ve been subscribed since the demise of my relationship with Date #17 back in December.  Since then, I’ve dated three men for a total of seven dates (drinks, drinks, movie, dinner, ice skating, dinner and dinner again).  I don’t know whether to blame the weather or the men for the apparent lack of chemistry but either way, something is not working.

Every day, I find seven or eight new “matches” delivered to my inbox, and every day I get my hopes up only to discover that the majority of these men are shorter-than-me-in-heels.  I don’t know what’s wrong with the matchmakers over at eHarmony headquarters.  I specifically said that height was very important to me.  I know that this is rather shallow (and that I could be missing out on the love of my life simply because he doesn’t clear the requisite 5’11”) but the truth is I don’t feel sexy if I end up towering over my date, and didn’t eHarmony tell me to be truthful when filling out my relationship profile?

The rest of my PSMs are either illiterate or entirely too hung up on sports for my taste.  (Call me crazy but “Love my EAGLES!!!” isn’t exactly a turn on.)  Then there are those who don’t seem to have grasped the basic premise of the profile picture.  This morning, for example, I received the hopes and dreams of a German Sheppard.  I decided to give the man (or dog?) the benefit of the doubt and took a quick perusal through his profile.  The first picture was of the dog, the second of a man I presumed to be the dog’s owner, the third of the dog and the fourth of— actually, I didn’t even make it to his fourth picture.  I love dogs as much as the next person—maybe even a little bit more on the days when the resident Richter mutts are behaving themselves— but seriously, dude, enough is enough, especially when your dog’s not even that good looking.

Last but not least, the term “non-smoker” leaves very little room for interpretation in my opinion.  Either you smoke or you don’t and because I make the majority of my living teaching dance and attempt provide my students with suitable role model, I don’t smoke.  I don’t have anything against smokers but after a weekend in Madrid a few years ago, I’ve learned that I don’t particularly enjoy kissing them.

Would it be to too much to ask for eHarmony to STOP sending me shrimp-sized smokers?

Evidently, it would.

19 Responses to “My Continued Adventures on eHARMony”

  1. vixter2010

    I gave up on eHarmony after a month – I thought it was useless. like you I got matched with people completely not what I wanted and they were all really sporty even though I play no sport and have no interest in it! Grrr!

    Reply
  2. Matt79

    I thought the whole point of eHarmony was that they tried to do most of the matching work for you, so it sounds like they’re failing you massively in that regard! Time to switch to a site where you get more control again? And by switch, of course, I mean keep this one open and join another as well!

    Reply
  3. Jill

    Apparently Plimoth Plantation is offering a speed-dating event this month. (take a moment) Since everyone I know and am not blood-related to found their life partner at that institution (albeit not in an ORGANIZED speed dating event) it might be worth a blog post.

    Reply
    • Kat Richter

      What, what, WHAT??? Speed dating at The Plant? Will there be any male interpreters in costume? Because if so, I might need to make a trip up to Mass…. you know, just for “research” purposes 🙂

      Reply
  4. Carl

    Chemistry between people is a finicky beast. Sometimes, things just “Click,” and chemistry happens almost immediately. Other times it begins to appear after knowing someone for a period of time, and often is does not happen at all. Feeling less attracted to men who are shorter than you is something that many science believe is biologically “Hard-wired” because being taller is a sign of having healthier genes, and as far as our sentience has developed, that still affects us.

    Reply
  5. Grey Goose, Dirty

    I was just about to write a post regarding the same thing. I can’t stand E-Harmony! I am 5’10” barefoot and they keep sending me guys who are 5’7″! And really, if it’s sooo scientific and based on their 4 day long questionairre that we filled out, how do they even come up with 7 guys every day that are ‘perfect’ for us?

    Hey, at least you’ve met 3. I can’t even manage to get through the incessant question & answer, must have & can’t stands, and whatever else ‘canned’ crap we have to go through without losing interest in the process.

    Keep your chin up ~ there’s got to be one good one out there for you!

    Reply
  6. Zak

    Kat, I agree completely. I signed up to eHarmony again and this time around (as compared to August through November) their matches are terrible. No matter how picky I am, they keep sending me “flex matches.”

    Reply
  7. saladbardating

    I won’t use EHarmony based on prior bad experiences. You and some of your other posters are correct – they don’t listen. It’s not like any of the other sites are perfect, but Match and Chemistry have resulted in some interesting guys for me, including the jalapeno. 🙂 Best of luck and stick to your guns, girl. Tall is better and nonsmokers are a must. I’m with you on those!

    Reply

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