The (Sort of) Return of the Zoo Date

Last week I got an email from the Zoo Date, who entered my life in March of 2011 and exited it shortly thereafter. I remember very little about him except that he was funny and kissed rather… enthusiastically.


The email read as follows:

Hey Kat,

This is […] (aka The Zoo Date). Anyway, I was reading your blog and just wanted to say hi and see how you’ve been. I’m working downtown now, and I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch sometime? I’m really sorry about not calling you back in the day when I should have, but I’d love if we could reconnect and be friends.

Have a good one,

I responded:


My goodness, it’s lovely to hear from you. How are things? Don’t worry about “back in the day.” My conduct wasn’t exactly Nobel Prize worthy either back then 🙂  But yes, lunch would be fab.  My schedule is winding down for the semester but I’ll be teaching near Rittenhouse quite a bit. Perhaps somewhere in that neck of woods?


That was almost two weeks ago. TWO WEEKS! And I’ve not heard from him since.


I didn’t email him, he emailed me. And I agreed to exactly what he suggested so why the cold shoulder all of the sudden? I don’t really care (my new Plenty of Fish profile has proven rather popular, plus I’m pretty sure he was a Republican) but it just doesn’t make sense.

So… to all of the men reading this: what gives? Why would you email a girl out of the blue after three and a half YEARS, ask her to lunch and then drop off the face of the earth?

21 Responses to “The (Sort of) Return of the Zoo Date”

  1. gondilon

    What gives is that this man is a flake face. lol But in all seriousness, this makes negative amounts of sense. The only possible semblance of an explanation that I can think of is that he was having a melancholy moment thinking about his past dating experiences, and decided he wanted to redo his date with you, but then soon after that either found someone he really liked or changed his mind and did not have the decency to tell you such. I think is new name should be “Jerkfail Dater.” 😛

    • Kat Richter

      Haha! Jerkfail does have a nice ring to it, although in this case it is perhaps a bit extreme (it’s not like I was in love with him or something…) I will definitely keep it in mind for future reference though! I’m guessing you’re right though, maybe he just found someone else or was bored at the time and then go un-bored.

  2. metrojeff

    Generally speaking, we are idiots. Guys (well, women, too) tend to think only of what they want. If two people happen to want each other in the same way at the same time, their mutual selfishness creates a good initial match. Time takes care of determining whether they actually make a good partnership or not. Basically, though, he was probably relatively newly out of a relationship or, for some reason, was feeling kind of lonely, so he started reminiscing and that led his mind to you. After that, either he met someone else or someone else he had reached out to responded before you or he just thought better of going back to the past.

    Most guys, despite saying they want to be friends, don’t want to be friends. Many guys are not capable of being just friends with someone they are attracted to. Most of those guys will lie about their intentions hoping to get your guard down so they can eventually put the moves on you. And think about when guys go hunting. They can be very patient waiting for the right moment. They may never pull the trigger if the right moment doesn’t come along, but make no mistake that they are waiting for it.

    That’s most guys, of course… 😉

    • Kat Richter

      Hmmm… yeah, this makes sense. I was skeptical of the “friends” bit because I have never known a man who legitimately wanted to just be friends. And I am totally with you on the hunting comparison. My roommates in grad school were always warning me against dating older men because “older men can be patient for longer” but ultimately they still want the same thing.

  3. becky119

    MAYBE he was walking home with plans of emailing the fabulous Kat and a black van pulled up. The door opened, a man in a dark suit jumped out, grabbed him, and pulled him in the van. He was then knocked unconscious. When he came to, he was in a bright white interrogation room. The dark suit man opened the door and asked him if he loved his country. Confused, zoo-date answered that yes, he loved America. Dark suit man nodded and proceeded to recruit him to join an elusive task force dedicated to protecting America. Zoo-date was honored but tried to explain that he had a very important email to send to a girl he had lost touch with until recently. Dark suit just glared at him. Zoo-date asked if this elusive task force would allow him to at least send an email expressing his inability to meet up due to being recruited by the government for a special project. Dark suit explained that’s not how things work in the elusive task force. He then explained that Zoo-date could either be in or out, there was no gray area and there were certainly no goodbyes. Zoo-date realized that his country was expecting him to step up and do his duty. So, resigned about missing out on hanging out with the fabulous Kat, he agreed to join the elusive task force. He is currently undercover somewhere in Russia.

    ….or he’s just an asshole.

  4. Zak

    Booty call?

    Or maybe his mom walked in and caught him typing to a girl?

  5. Heather

    Personally, I think it has more to do with his ‘apology’ than anything else. He made himself feel better by making amends and asking to be friends rather than follow up. It eases the nagging guilt. I’ve had an ex do that, with no intention of following up just to ease his own mind.

  6. Marissa

    I was actually turned on to your blog because of this guy! I spoke to him on PlentyOfFish. Is there a way to private message you? I certainly have some insight on this one.

  7. Paul

    First, he should have responded, a man needs to hold himself to very high standards. As to why, perhaps we will never know. However, one possibility is that he broke up with his gf of three and a half years, reached out to you, and then she re-entered his life.

    You should be glad you could not buy that house. You want a house that is valued for what you paid, it could take decades to move into positive territory. And it wasn’t the holes in the kitchen, they will adjust for that. It is because of what similar homes are selling for.

    Good luck!

  8. Ilana

    i went out with a guy once and then two years later he emailed me to “runaway with him to vegas.” TWO YEARS LATER. I didn’t even have his number in my phone anymore and had to do some detective work to find out who he was. once i figured out who it was — i remembered we had a good time, but not good enough that he deserves to see me again after two years. he gave an excuse that it hadn’t been that long ago, but it indeed had. someone who doesnt contact you within a week of a date/meetup/whatever isn’t worth your time or effort. upwards and onwards.


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