Writing left handed

The Only Babyless Woman in the WORLD???

I blame Facebook— Facebook and human nature, but mainly Facebook.

It’s hard enough not to stalk your ex-boyfriend (which is why I un-friended mine minutes after we broke up).  But resisting the urge to stalk other people?  It’s impossible.

Stalking isn’t the right word though.

I’m talking about comparing.

I’m talking about going through your news feed each morning and thinking to yourself “Am I the only person left in the world who isn’t married?  The only person left in the world who doesn’t have a baby?”

I do this a lot.  And I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

The weird part is that I don’t even want a baby.  I don’t even like babies.  Toddles yes, but babies no.  And yet I’ll sit there scrolling through photo albums of people I was never even real friends with in the first place wondering what is wrong with me, wondering why my “life” hasn’t “started” yet.

Because that’s healthy.

I finally realized something though.

Several somethings, actually.

Firstly, my life has started.

Secondly, none of my actual friends have babies.  And of the friends I actually interact with on a regular basis (as in outside of Facebook), only two are married and one of those two is headed for a divorce.

So maybe, just maybe, I’m not “behind.”

Maybe I’m right where I need to be.

(And lest I fall back into old habits, I spent 4 hours “unfollowing” all but 3 dozen of my 700-something Facebook “friends” last night.  It was the best “spring” cleaning I’ve ever done.)

11 Responses to “The Only Babyless Woman in the WORLD???”

  1. landlord

    You will love how clean and uncluttered your newsfeed will be. I realize that for some of us FB serves to keep us informed of friends we may not interact with in the “real world,” however, this leads to a lot of junk on your newsfeed. I have happily figured out a way to “check on” those who I may occasionally want to check in on, and yet keep my newsfeed streamlined. It is very freeing…

    • Kat Richter

      Yeah, I’m just like if I don’t hear from these people in the real world, why should I bother driving myself crazy by keeping up with them on Facebook?

  2. Susan

    Life IS a journey we each take.. Live it each day, each hour, each minute as fully as possible and try not to fool yourself! You are well on your own journey and doing great things day by day.

    • Kat Richter

      Thank you Susan. I remember that most of the time… probably could do with just getting it tattooed on my forehead though 🙂

  3. Kelly

    I had this conversation last night – I think it’s a spate of lots of my friends getting engaged and married that has made me a bit emotional and down lately, and I don’t even know why – I have a boyfriend, I’ve just bought a house, and I have no interest at the moment in getting married, but it still somehow gets to me. Topped off nicely as yesterday was the day my ex-boyfriend (who I still speak to occasionally) got married to the girl he ditched me for – now there’s a wave of emotions I thought was long-buried! I completely get your feeling like life hasn’t started (when it has) – it’s all the ‘big life steps’ that other people are taking that makes me feel like that I think. And facebook gives a very biased view – people will put p tonnes of photos of the happy events, it’s rare they’ll put up any of the rubbish boring days they also inevitably have!

    • Kat Richter

      Exactly! No one bothers with photos of less-than-wonderful things, which leaves everyone with a rather skewed view of reality. Hope you’re hanging in their after your ex’s nuptials… I haven’t ever really gone through anything like that but I imagine it would be potentially pretty sucky even if you had moved on. Screw other people’s big life steps– a boyfriend and a house sounds perfectly lovely 🙂

  4. Mark Turnbull

    I totally agree. I turned off my Facebook account back in October and happy I did. I stopped paying attention and caring about what was going on in everyone else’s life. Which allowed me to focus and become present in my own life. Which is exactly what I needed when I moved to LA and started to focus on starting my own spiritual and yogic life coaching practice.

    • Kat Richter

      That sounds fantastic! I would love to go off FB completely but as a writer (and director of a dance company), I can’t quite do that. Good for you though- sounds like you’re much happier.

  5. Chicago-Style Girl

    Good for you that you stopped the comparisons. Comparing yourself to others is not a good thing. Especially when you’re not comparing both ways. How many of those baby owners are actually pursuing the career they want? I’m just kidding, don’t do any comparing!

  6. Jerseyite Lurker

    Besides, Kat, you’re an anthropologist: you know how to see through all these performance rituals you’re surrounded by.


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