Writing left handed

Breaking Up… with the Kids

The saddest thing, by far, about this relationship ending is that it hasn’t left just one hole.  It’s left three.

TWD’s youngest accidentally took a pair of my jeans when flying home after the holidays.  There was some confusion with the laundry and well… teenagers are easily confused.

I don’t actually care about the jeans or the fact that I’ll never get them back now.  What I care about is that fact that I’m not going to be there when TWD’s kids graduate from high school, that I’m not going to get to see prom pictures, that I’m not going to know if they end up becoming authors or veterinarians or video game designers.

I was looking forward to going on college visits with them and helping them edit their entrance essays.  I was going to be the cool stepmom who sent them awesome care packages because it wasn’t all that long ago that she was in college herself, and secretly, because I knew it would make their father happy, I was going to work my hardest to convince them to go to college on the east coast.

But now I’ll never know.  I’m shut out of their father’s life and out of necessity shut out of theirs.

I know I wasn’t always the most enthusiastic about them.  I know there were awkward moments, there were jealous moment, there were moments when I wished they were more like me and less like their father.  But there were also amazing moments.  Moments when we laughed and laughed and laughed.  Moments when I realized, if only just for an instant, that it wasn’t all about me.

I’m going to miss them.

I’ve been through break ups before.  I know roughly how long it will take me to get over their father (give or take a few unprecedented variables) but I’ve never been through this before.  I can’t help but wonder how long it will take me to get over them.  Will I ever stop wondering what they’re up to?  Ever stop hoping they’re okay?  That they’re keeping their grades up so they’ll get into good schools?  That they’re getting along with their younger siblings?

Heck, I was going to take them shopping to decorate their rooms in “our” new house!

I’ve been wearing makeup every day since the breakup to keep myself from downward spiraling into a hot mess of pajamas-all-day-and-raw-cookie-dough-for-every-meal.  But I shouldn’t have bothered today because today was the day I wrote them each a letter to say goodbye and my mascara is now every place except my eyelashes.

11 Responses to “Breaking Up… with the Kids”

  1. Alynia

    It is awful, I know… and to be honest… It has been 2,5 years since I broke up with my ex, and I was over him within weeks. Monday in 3 weeks this time of day I’ll be married to another guy who is way better for me, I’m that over him. I’m still not over his daughter however…

    • Kat Richter

      Wow! Somehow this is inspirational and utterly depressing all at the same time! But such is life I suppose. Congrats on your upcoming wedding! And thank you for sharing… It’s nice to know that I’m not totally crazy.

      • Alynia

        You’re not. And indeed, so is life, unfortunately… certainly nowadays, with a lot of divorced people with new relationships and all…

  2. Kate Katharina

    I’m sure those letters will mean an awful lot to them. They were lucky to have you in their life and I’m sure you will remain a positive influence on them.

  3. Jerseyite Lurker

    Apparently, you and TWD have had the kind of breakup that rules out any kind of future social contact between the families at all, or at least you perceive it so now. Whatever happened, it seems to have happened incredibly fast.

    • Kat Richter

      It DID happen very quickly. And yes, right now it seems like cutting all ties is probably best, but I don’t know if I will always feel that way. I’m just afraid of falling back into a relationship if we keep in touch.

  4. Chicago-Style Girl

    It’s definitely the families of exes I miss the most. I had an ex that had 7 younger siblings. When he and I broke up, most of them were too young for any continued contact. But it’s been a few year, and now they’re older. Thanks to the internet and cell phones, I can now keep in touch. In fact, I’m going to the wedding of his oldest younger sister in March. I haven’t spoken one word to him since the breakup because we are not friends. But I got to keep the parts of his family that I love. I’m not saying you should sneak around him to the kids. I’m just saying, keep an eye out for a Facebook friend request in a few years.Once they’re old enough, if they miss you like you miss them, you can have that relationship without him.

    • Kat Richter

      Yes you’ve got a point (again, LOL– I think I’m saying that to all your comments). I definitely wouldn’t ever do anything with his knowledge because I know he feels he needs to protect them emotionally and I totally get that, but maybe someday. In fact, I’m hoping that he and I might be able to be friends someday. The break up sucked but we didn’t crash and burn and it was, all things considered, about as mutual and civil as these sorts of things can be so who knows. That’s super cool that you’re going to your ex’s sister’s wedding! Looking fabulous with your new man I hope 🙂

      • Chicago-Style Girl

        Yeah, although I don’t know how fabulous I’ll look. I have no wedding clothes budget. I’m just happy I’ll get to see them again. This sister along with one of his cousins, and their men, were at my wedding. But the others I haven’t seen in years.
        I’m glad to hear you hope to be friends with TWD as well one day. That’s a good sign you’re in the midst of a healthy, albeit painful breakup.


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