Writing left handed

The Art of Sleeping Together

Let’s talk about sleeping together, shall we?  I’m not even referring to having sex, but rather sleeping together in the true sense of the phrase: the act of sharing one’s bed with someone else.

In theory, it’s romantic.  You go to sleep together, you snuggle, you wake up together and provided you’re not dating a sleep walker, you can roll over the next morning and whisper, “Good morning -darling/dearest/what’s-your-name-again?”

In practice, however, it’s exhausting.  And not just because the act of sleeping together often serves as a prelude for the other type of sleeping together, but because people have habits.  Nocturnal habits, of which they’re often unaware.

I, for one, like to sleep on my side.  I also like to sleep with no less than four pillows and I find that balling myself into a cocoon is the most effective way of achieving my beauty rest.  In addition, I loathe tucked in sheets.  Whenever I go to a hotel, my first order of business is to un-tuck the sheets.  In fact, when I asked The Wedding Date to make the bed this past weekend, I nearly had a heart attack when I discovered that he’d done it properly, tucked in sheets and all.

Of course I’m not the only one with certain preferences in the bedroom.  The Wedding Date likes to spoon.  But he likes to be the little spoon, even though he’s got a good six or seven inches on me.  He also likes to sleep on his side, but he likes to sleep on a different side than I do so sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and think he’s mad at me because he’s facing the wall, when really, he just likes to sleep that way.

Sleeping together also requires sharing a blanket.

And divvying up the pillows.

And deciding who gets what side of the bed.

Worst of all, sleeping together requires you to actually go to sleep when frankly, it would be much more exciting to not go to sleep, especially if you happen to like the person with whom you’re sharing a bed (and even more so if you have a predilection for discussing literature and politics at four o’clock in the morning).

The Wedding Date and I are both wondering how long it’s going to take for us to actually start sleeping together.  I’m a morning person yet whenever he spends the night, it’s all I can do to roll out of bed and shove a granola bar in his general direction before he leaves for work the next morning.  I keep hoping—in fact, I think we’re both hoping— that we’ll get bored of each other but so far, no such luck.

So tell me, those of you with more experience in the art of sharing a bed: how long does it take?

17 Responses to “The Art of Sleeping Together”

  1. Zak

    And here I thought I was the only person in the world who specifically untucked all the sheets in the hotels I stay at!

    I never managed to get comfortable sleeping with my ex-wife. Almost two years, it never happened. She snored, moved a lot, etc. She stole blankets (I probably did, too) and she liked tucked in sheets.

    Ms. D and the Cupcake Queen, on the other hand, were quite easy to sleep with. They were still, quiet, and warm.

    I can’t speak to the length of time, but if you’re not already tired and trying to go to bed, you’re not going to be happy. Go to bed REALLY tired a few times with TWD and see if you don’t fall asleep immediately.

    Or just get him his own bed a foot away from yours.

  2. Amanda

    The BF and I mastered (and I use that term loosely) the art of sleeping together after roughly three years of living together. And I still hog the blankets. He just pries them out of the death grip I keep them in when he comes to bed.

    Really, it’s one of those things that unless you do it every night, you won’t be able to break your habits. I think we just got lucky-neither of us can sleep if someone else is wrapped around us. Makes me claustrophobic.

      • Amanda

        It’s not that hard, not really. We still wake each other up all the time (what with the blanket stealing and all), but we’re used to it. After a while, you forget what it was like to sleep in a bed all to yourself. You may feel a little less rested, but it’s your new normal. And it’s way more worth it.

  3. debwill72

    All I know is that I am going to need a king sized bed if there is going to be successful sleeping with another. I need my space! Then again, maybe this is why I am single!

  4. everylineinthebook

    I have a friend who has opted to not sleep with her husband. They have seperate rooms…the only time the bed is shared is when they aren’t sleeping.

  5. Landlord

    So many things to comment on, first of all, don’t know how chauffeur and I lasted this long before we got a king sized bed 7 years ago–we were so clueless! That is real bliss!

    Then the blanket thing, pul-eaze, chauffeur sleeps like a burrito and steals blankets like crazy, so now we have two blankets so that if he steals one, I have the other one on standby 😉

    You know I hate tucked in sheets, and any guest to our house should have figured that out by now too, I never tuck them in for them either, makes me crazy…argh!

    Then there are the sheets, living so long w/ cheap ones and didn’t know what I was missing until this move either and now I can’t go back, it is horrible. (and of course for frugal me, the good sheets aren’t that good either, just better than what we used to have, c’mon people over $100 for sheets????)

    • debwill72

      Some of the best sheets are vintage sheets! Higher thread count for less and super soft cotton after many washes. I have a huge stash… Keep an eye out at the fleas/auctions.

  6. liveditlearnedit

    I’ve never gotten to the point of being bored enough with the other person to comfortably share a bed, my longest relationship (3 years) included. Best of luck with that!
    Also, love the blog!

  7. Katie

    Let’s see… Justin and I have been sleeping together for 9 years, so… I’m hoping any day now. 😉

  8. Wilma

    Sleeping together was something that Juan and I did very well. However, we were divergent on the tuck/no tuck issue. I like hospital corners and tight toes. He was liked you and wanted his sheets untucked. For the years we were married, I tucked my side and left his side untucked. It didn’t look as neat as I would have liked, but we didn’t argue. Some things aren’t worth the argument.

  9. becky119

    Adam and I have been sharing a bed pretty much since we started dating. (Six years ago) Thankfully we’ve upgraded from the twin we had to use in his first apartment. (So not a bed for more than one person). Now we have a queen and space is still an issue.

    I am by all definitions, a wiggle-worm. There are also times when I cannot get to sleep, which makes my wiggling more intense. I like to steal blankets. In the summer, I like to have a small fan on the whole night on my side of the bed. Adam doesn’t like this, not one bit.

    I actually have a lot of strange sleeping habits. Sometimes I sit up in bed, for no apparent reason and then fall asleep (still sitting up). Adam always has to wake me up to get me to lie back down. In addition to hogging the covers, I tend to start out by sleeping on my side and then I roll onto my back, but I roll into the middle of the bed and push him to the side. I also tend to stick my feet out the side of the blanket when I’m hot which results in me becoming completely uncovered to the point where I am shivering.

    Last night, I woke up due to the fact that I (for once) had been the one uncovered and that he took all of the blankets. I tried to take them back, but since he is so used to me stealing them, he thought I was just taking them as opposed to taking them back.

    He does have some annoying habits too…whenever he goes to sleep drunk he snores–IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!! Plus he doesn’t ever want to cuddle when he is drunk. *pout*

    As for sheets, I grew up with the light sheet and a comforter, but Adam hates it. So we only use a comforter. I gave up trying to fight him over it, just not worth it. But at least now when we make the bed it is really easy. 😉


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