It’s happening. Actually, it started happening several weeks ago but I didn’t realize just how bad it had gotten until The Wedding Date and I went to the see Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.
Not expecting to find myself particularly enamored of the film, I brought a bag of Cheez-Its, a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies and two miniature bottles of wine, one for me and one for The Wedding Date (give me a little credit). I figured I’d need some way to entertain myself in case the official Hasbro Star Wars Fighter Pods which we’d received with our tickets weren’t quite as exciting as the website would have lead one to believe.
We made our way to a pair of seats in the back of the theatre and that’s when the trouble started.
There were kids. Everywhere.
And they were totally ruining the movie.
I like kids but I do not like kids on weekends. Weekends are for recharging, for eating chocolate chip pancakes with one’s boyfriend and for engaging in grown up conversations in order to stave off the onslaught of shoe tying and nose blowing that will occur, without fail, on Monday morning.
As such, I was none too pleased when the family of six seated directly in front of us started grumbling.
And when the unaccompanied teenagers to our left started talking, it was all I could do to keep from yelling “Shut up!”
Especially when they started talking nonsense (i.e. “Look, that’s Princess Leia.” Um, no. Actually it’s not Princess Leia because this is Episode ONE. Don’t you know anything? Princess Leia isn’t even born yet, you little halfwits.)
The Wedding Date seemed rather amused by my indignation, especially when the teeny boppers started insisting that Anakin Skywalker was going to grow up to be Obi Wan Kenobi; even a neophyte such as Yours Truly knows that he’s destined to become Darth Vader.
But that wasn’t the real problem. The real problem is that three days after we saw the film, I was still talking about Darth Maul and how cool his double-edged light saber was. I mean seriously, why use a light saber sword when you could use a light saber bow?
When I posed this question to my father he said—and this is a direct quote—“I don’t care.”
How could you not care?
If the Jedi knights had had double-edged light sabers, Obi Wan would have killed Darth Vader in A New Hope, and Luke would have never had to spend all that time standing on his head in the swamp and it wouldn’t have mattered if Han shot first or not because the Dark Side would have been put in its place years ago.
(He did, by the way. Shoot first, I mean.)
Sigh. Some people just can’t appreciate cinematic genius.
- Who said it? Darth Vader or Obi-Wan Kenobi (holykaw.alltop.com)
- Daily Dialogue – February 7, 2012 (gointothestory.blcklst.com)