Help! I’m Dating Myself…
He wants to write to me. Like a proper, hand-written letter— envelope and all. Evidently I wasn’t the only one feeling completely mashed up inside after our weekend together; he tells me he needs to get it all down on paper… and being the hopeless romantic that I am, I’m already salivating.
And here we stumble upon the greatest, well… stumbling block between me and Date #7. It’s not that I got all insecure about our “relationship” on Sunday night and found myself literally pushing him away. It’s not that my life is here, on this side of the state, and his life is there, on the other. It’s not that he reminds me of my first boyfriend.
It’s that he reminds me of myself.
I used to think I’d like to date a male version of myself. (Egocentric much?) You know: someone who’s creative, artistic, mildly intelligent, spiritual-but-not-religious (that’s official Match.com parlance for you there), politically left-of-center and “deep” enough to indulge my occasional philosophizing.
Well, I’ve met that person. That person is Date #7, the man who drove across the state to meet me last Friday, spent the next 36 hours driving me crazy and left me on the verge of incomprehensible tears on Sunday night.
When I think back to my little mental checklist of “desirable qualities” the phrase “Be careful what you wish for” comes to mind.
Why? Well, we are perfect on paper—absolutely pitch freakin’ perfect— from our values and interests right on down to his being very definitely taller-than-me-in-heels. We have all sorts of weird little things in common, too: favorite city (Florence), favorite wine (Cabernet Sauvignon), current musical talent (none), desired musical talent (violin) and so on and so forth. We both love thunderstorms, we’re both the oldest in our families and we were finishing each other’s sentences within minutes of meeting on Friday.
Ridiculous, right?
But paper is not real life. There’s a reason, after all, that they say opposites attract.
And here, my dear readers, ends my public obsessing over Date #7. I’ll continue to obsess of course, but a bit more privately because I’m good enough at sabotaging relationships and/or gilding the lily on my own—the more I put out there, the more opinions I get and the more befuddled I become! (Remember Persuasion? Probably not—only the hardcore Jane Austen fans bother to read Persuasion— but the title should give you an indication of how I’m feeling right about now.)
Earlier this week, a fellow dating blogger over at Heels and Hiking Shoes wrote:
Dear Kat,
Date # 7 sounds fun. Stop writing in this blog and go live your life.
Sincerely,
JustEn JoyIt
Well. I’m going to ignore the first part of his advice (sorry, Micah), but I think I just might try to give the second part a shot.
Fieldwork in Stilettos 
6 Responses to “Help! I’m Dating Myself…”
So, Kat, why haven’t you tried your hand(s) at the violin?
I started about a year and a half ago and it’s a great challenge — as a dancer you (presumably) already have a grasp of rythm, tempo, and the like so you’re already steps ahead of where I was when I first picked one up…
Find a good teacher and forget your spreadsheet worries.
I’d run away in horror if I were dating the male version of myself. I just got used to me and began to like me. I couldn’t take another one!
Seriously, I have no advice for you, other than to play it by ear (and by “it”, I mean the violin, of course). As a fellow obsessor (is that a word?), I know how hard it is to stay in the present moment and let it unfold a bit more before you try to guess what it is, but it’s worth a shot. Happy ponderings! 🙂
Opposites ATTRACT… It doesn’t seem like *attraction* is an issue for you two. 🙂 Similarity gives you something to build on. Anyway, it’s early on, and you like him… it’s normal to be seeing similarities more than anything else. Go have fun!
As someone who often takes my advice, taking half my advice is still pretty good 🙂 Good luck Kat.
If you start dressing alike then there might be an issue or a whole new adventure.
Does he look good when he is in his heels with you?
Over analysing things, do you have that in common?