Somehow I’m 17 Again…
In the immortal words of Avril Lavigne, “So much for my happy ending.” At 25, I feel rather pathetic to be quoting the Canadian queen of teenage angst—shouldn’t I be beyond that?—but when you’ve spent the past ten minutes curled up in bed and crying for no apparent reason, teenage angst is all you’ve got.
I’m not sure where we went wrong, or even if we did, I just know that my insides feel like they’ve been wrung out and not in a particularly good way. (Then again, is there ever a “good way” to have one’s insides wrung out? Probably not. Love sucks no matter which way you slice it.)
Everything was fine on Friday night once Date #7 and I hit our stride. I spent Saturday morning in a sort of sleep-deprived euphoria, counting down the hours till I’d get to see him again, and according to his text messages, I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.
Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse Saturday afternoon. I invited him to join the Richter clan for Father’s Day Brunch, not in a “Let me introduce you to the family” sort of way but rather in a “I know it’s a bit weird to be coming to brunch seeing as we just met but you drove all this way and I don’t want you to feel excluded just because I need to spend time with my family today.”
He said he’d let me know. He never did. And to add insult to injury, I was on hold for ten minutes when I finally called the restaurant to change the reservation from five people to four.
It turns out that he’d arranged to spend the bulk of his time in Philadelphia visiting his brother, lest we find ourselves completely incompatible or cracking under the pressure of this entirely hair brained romance, but he never really told me this. Or if he did, it never really registered. As a result, I cleared my entire calendar for him only to spend the majority of the weekend sitting around and waiting for him to call.
(And tweeting about my decision to save the maiden voyage of my new Victoria’s Secret undies for someone a bit more deserving…)
By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around, I was mess. A complete mess. So much so that even my little brother told me I’d better pull myself together or run the risk of ruining our remaining time together but it’s hard to undue 36 hours of waiting for a man to call.
Especially when you’ve spent the past several months pining for him and he turns out to be the most amazing kisser you’ve ever had the good fortune to kiss and you’re gut is telling you this could be really good or really, really bad…
And I’m going to leave it there for today because I’m still trying to make sense of the other parts of this story— the parts I’m not quite ready to tell—and I am in dire need of some coffee. Then again maybe I should go for some sort of calming herbal tea crap because if I reach the point of actually singing Avril Lavinge, we’re going to have some real problems.
(Or is it Kelly Clarkson who did that song? I’m mixing up my teen pop idols… I really am off my game today 😦 )
17 Responses to “Somehow I’m 17 Again…”
“So much for my happy ending.” At 25, I feel rather pathetic to be quoting the Canadian queen of teenage angst—shouldn’t I be beyond that?
If it makes you feel better, you got the song attribution right, and Avril Lavigne is older than you are–she’ll turn 27 in September. Kelly Clarkson is 29. And there’s a reason that angst-ridden songs have been popular throughout time–feel free to enjoy your journey!
Sorry to hear about the miscommunication but there’s obviously something pretty powerful churning in that gut of yours and people have all sorts of ways of protecting themselves. You can only control you–if you allow your defenses to fly up love won’t stand a chance. Perhaps negotiate some ground rules, if there seems to be interest? Good luck hugs.
Several most excellent points, as always 🙂 Off to do something constructive with all of this angst now…
Okay. Without knowing all the details, all I can say is that so far it doesn’t sound like the relationship is a lost cause. It just sounds like you put WAY too much pressure on the weekend (and yourself). Because he was visiting from so far away, you felt like you had to squeeze every last ounce of romance and togetherness out of the time he had there, where he took the more typical, laid-back guy approach of “whatever happens, happens.”
This does not mean you’re incompatible or that he was any less excited to see you than you were him. It might just mean that he wasn’t quite ready to do the whole family thing. So unless these other details you omitted change things completely, I feel like this can still be resolved. 🙂
Thanks, Katie– it was actually quite a relief to read this comment! I AM leaving out some of the details but none of them significantly change things… perhaps you’re right.
any comments from him about it? xxxx sending love
He did say something about his Hawaiian shirt… whoops! As for everything else, yes… still processing.
At least your writing didn’t suffer, have no idea what has transpired, but way to go on this blog post–had to be a tough one to slog through.
I completely relate to the feelings you are describing, and I hope they pass soon 😦 this sort of thing is never any fun.
Well he was rather sensible in not wanting the week end to be focused on someone he may not have liked! Obviously he liked you, you had a great time together it seems and you can build on that. Maybe he needed the space to reflect on what happened when you were together, or to persuade his brother that no it was not a made idea, or whatever. A whole week end may have been a bit INTENSE, don’t you think?
Yes… I just wish I had figured this out before or at the very least during our weekend “together!”
But as Ronan Keeting sang
We found love, oh
So don’t fight it
Life is a Rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it
I need you, ooh
So stop hiding
Our love is a mystery
Girl, let’s get inside it
At the start of a long distant romance this is a problem. A total full on weekend. With a local date you would not have cleared the whole weekend to make time for him.
Where he has gone wrong, is to not to tell you that he had made other arrangements for the weekend. Perhaps he was worried you would be disapointed if you realised that his trip was not just all about coming to see you.
Sounds to me as though this one is worth a bit more work, we blokes are often bad about being fully open.
If there is a next, trip, then a little more clarity as to the overal schedule of the whole trip, would help both of you.
Come to think of it, I think he DID tell me, just not in a way that I understood. But yes… I agree with you (and with everyone else who has advised me not to throw the towel in just yet…)
Whatever his reason was for not answering you… That was pretty immature on his side. He knows how hard it is for you two to spend some time together.
If I had to guess I’d say he’s not good with LDRs… They *are* complicated emotionally, all the anticipation and expectation.
You bring up a good point– I’m not sure if he’s ever done a LDR before. I, on the other hand, was born and raised on LDRs (quite literally: my dad worked a month at a time when I was first born) and I’ve almost never NOT had a LDR.
(Whoa– that was a lot of double negatives in that last sentence… what I meant was that I’ve hardly ever dated a local)…
You are so cute I can’t even stand it. Please, do something really bitchy right now.
Wow, this story just didn’t go where I expected. I’m sorry. And no, there is NO good way to wring out one’s insides.
beware of the build-up… if I’m not able to buil up a girl after i meet her, then that, my dear, is my fault… leaving someone wanton of their own build up? That’s a self-induced sin…
learn to date older men…they’re not nearly as selfish…and they understand the attention you seek…
for what it’s worth…