After He Invites Me In…
Me and My 50th Date
So, getting back to Saturday’s date: after flailing around at the rock gym, we go for Mexican food, drive back to his place and decide, after several awkward suggestions, to head downstairs and watch a movie.
Now everyone knows that “watch a movie” is code for “make out” and this is fine by me. It’s our third date and despite the lack of sparks, My 50th Date is growing on me. He’s polite, he’s been a good sport about my split personality approach to rock climbing and he’s definitely cute.
Part of me is still hung up on Date #7 (the man from across the state) but I’m trying to be less crazy these days and on this particular occasion, “less crazy” translates to “I will NOT sabotage this relationship simply because I’m not ready to run off and live happily ever after with this guy.”
So I follow My 50th Date downstairs, take a seat on the couch and begin to wonder how exactly this is going to work. Aside from our after-dinner kiss in Old City last week, which was quick and to the point and a bit of a surprise to be perfectly honest, we’ve experienced very little in the way of physical contact— and by “very little” I mean nada.
Not that I’m complaining—it’s a nice change, in some ways—but I start to get a bit anxious when a guy doesn’t try to stick his tongue down my throat. A sane individual would interpret this as, “He’s just being polite. He’s taking things slowly” whereas a less sane individual (whom shall remain nameless…) might think, “Crap! What did I do wrong? Why doesn’t he want to make out with me?”
I’m also worried about my outfit. This is because I was at the theater earlier in the day with my students and because dance teachers are meant to look at least somewhat put together on recital days, I’m wearing a wrap dress. Unfortunately, said wrap dress has a tendency to unwrap itself at the slightest provocation (ie. I’m crossing the street on my way to the coffee shop) and there’s no way it’s going to withstand a make out session in My 50th Date’s man cave. (And yes, despite the fact that he shares his apartment with a female roommate, the finished basement is totally a man cave).
We decide to “watch” The Office but there’s a Lady Gaga concert on so we spend the first 20 minutes marveling at her crazy outfits and her crazy wigs and her crazy back up dancers. After a rather disappointing rendition of “Just Dance” we get down to business—by which I mean The Office.
To my great surprise, when My 50th Date asked me if I’d like to “watch” The Office, he actually meant it. We get through Phyllis’s wedding, then the episode where Michael goes to class with Ryan as a “guest lecturer” and my date doesn’t even try to touch me. In fact, we’re still sitting several feet apart from one another (his is a rather well appointed man cave; you could fit a dozen people on the couch alone) and when I finally announce that I’d better hit the road, he doesn’t press me to stay.
I’m a bit thrown off—what kind of guy doesn’t urge you to stay? A guy who’s just not that into you.
Or perhaps a guy who’s a bit on the shy side himself? Plus it’s already getting late and judging by how many times I got turned around on the way to My 50th Date’s apartment (three), it’s going to take me at least an hour to get home.
“I’ll walk you out to your car,” he says.
We head out to the parking lot, he tells me he had a really great time and then he plants one on me. Again. It’s short and sweet, just like the last one and its over just as soon as it began.
“Send me a text when you get home, okay?” he asks. “And call me if you get lost.”
“Will do,” I promise. And then I get in the car, make only one wrong turn this time around and arrive home an hour later thinking that less drama in my life might be a good thing.
Related articles
- The Truth About Man Caves (and my 50th Date) (katrichterwrites.wordpress.com)
Fieldwork in Stilettos 
17 Responses to “After He Invites Me In…”
My opinion–he’s a bit shy and polite, different than some other guys who wouldn’t know shy and polite if it bit them in the ass. I think he likes you. 🙂
I think he likes you too 🙂 Do you like him?
Kat,
When a guy doesnt try and jump your bones immediately but will kiss you, continue to go out with you and ask to call when you get home it means one of two things a) he’s gay and needs a good “beard” for his parents/friends to see or b) he actually does like you.
But in todays world where affection/physicality is so commonplace it is hard for mostly women to understand that when a guy likes a girl he would rather not jump her too soon, for fear that we are perceived as only looking for “that one thing”.
Note to women: When a guy calls/texts/hangs out with you constantly/is always around you but doesnt seem too interested in purely physical pursuits, it normally means he doesnt want to mess things up by going in too soon, or being overeager. Next time, if you ACTUALLY want to be physical (not just because you expect it, because you actually feel the same way) then go ahead and lead the charge, and he will know its okay to engage as well.
I was there around date #3. Here’s what you need to know – assuming Date #50 and I share some traits – you need to be more direct. If you want to make out, you need to make the first move. If you’re not into him, stop seeing him, and let him figure stuff out from there. My Date #3 – I think – wanted me to make a more aggressive first move, but I never moved in to even kiss her at the end of two dates, and I never heard from her again. I was trying to be polite.
Now, when I sense chemistry, I’m a lot more direct. It took her being cruel for me to figure it out.
I am leaning towards him being the shy type.
A quickly grab kiss, to me sounds as though he has wanting to have made a move all evening, and now realises that the moment has passed.
I agree with the others that he is probably being polite IF he is the one calling you for the dates. Also, I know you don’t drive much, but TOM is my BFF when it comes to navigating. As much as I enjoy reading about your detours, for someone so busy, it might come in handy. My family got it for me for my birthday. 🙂
I know this is weird to hear from a stranger, but I am proud of you. I am proud of you for giving a nice guy a chance!
Thanks 🙂 (And I’ve heard way weirder things from strangers, lol!)
It’s funny to hear what my dating behavior sounds like from the female side of the things. No, I’m not him, but I’ve done the exact thing.
Skipping a number of women I’ve dated (all for relatively short periods of time) and wanted to kiss but haven’t out of a combination of respect and shyness — “I want to put my tongue down her throat, but would she want me to?” — and just not being comfortable with human to human physical contact generally — we get to the woman I’m dating now.
I guess I should call her my girlfriend, but the word sounds and feels so foreign. She’s pretty soft-spoken.
On our third date I gave her the good night kiss on the cheek. And on our fourth date. And on our fifth date. But I had no idea if she wanted/appreciated it, or if she was just tolerating me. (And if I should be expecting assault charges)
On the sixth date, she litterally grabbed my head pulled it to her lips and……………Well…. Once I started breathing again, I no longer had doubts.
For me, the sparks weren’t there initally but the more time we spend together the brighter the sparks get…
Long story short: There’s nothing stopping you from making the first move in the physical contact realm!
Hmm… between your comments and Zak’s, I’m thinking maybe I should?
I agree with what others have written here. I think he is either shy or polite or both. If you like him and he asks you out again, you could find ways to initiate touch without being too aggressive. Touch his shoulder during conversation or take his arm when you’re walking. Neither of those things are overt, but they might be enough to let him know that it’s ok to touch you back if he want to.
He sounds like a good guy but maybe he’s playing for the other team?
jump him Kat. I did, and we’re getting married next year. They’re way shyer than you’d expect.
I hope he doesn’t read this, but I thought mine was gay, or at least unsure, for a good while…
!!
love you xx
Hah! M’dear, you should write a book: “Just JUMP Him! How to Nail the Man of Your Dreams…pun intended”
just saw this – hilarious!!! s
haha spot the non-north american ultra-polite response!
And then you wonder why I loved the UK so much 🙂