First things first: Happy Easter Monday (Easter Monday, in case you don’t know, is an internationally-recognized holiday whereby you run to your nearest convenience store at 6:00am and load up on half-priced Easter candy).
Next, I’ve re-written all of my online dating profiles for my 50th Date Challenge (and yes, I’ll be posting my new “boilerplate” later this week). Last but not least, I’ve spent the past five days thinking about “Impressionists” and I think I’m onto something, but before I get too far ahead of myself, a few thoughts on friendship—by which I mean male friendship.
Here’s why I generally avoid befriending men: men tell it like it is. I know this because last week I received an email from The Salsa Date. Now that we’re “just friends,” he took the opportunity to inform me that My One O’Clock (aka the Dating Coach) is just stringing me along.
I may not understand women, Kat, but I understand men and trust me on this one: he’s not that into you.
(That was the gist of it anyway. I still haven’t stooped quite so low as to begin pilfering my personal correspondence for blog fodder.)
Needless to say, I was floored. Did The Salsa Date just say “not that into you?” And how the heck would he know? I mean yeah, he’s a guy, but in my humble opinion, gender is hardly grounds for expertise. Experience is grounds for expertise. The way I see it, if anyone’s going to be able to determine whether My One O’Clock is or is not into me, its going to be me. Not The Salsa Date.
But this is where men and women differ. A female friend would remind you that the Dating Coach did ask you out twice, that he did compliment your writing and that he did… well, to be honest, that’s about it. But to compensate for his shortcomings, she’d also suggest that The Salsa Date is just taking advantage of the situation to make himself look better by comparison (“Obviously, he doesn’t want to be just friends! So you can hardly trust his opinion. I mean, he’s never even met the Dating Coach! What does he know?”)
This is because many female friendships (certainly many of mine) thrive on perpetuation of each other’s delusions. We tell each other “Yeah, you look great in that!” even when it’s not true, and we assure one other, “Of course he’ll call!” even when we know he won’t.
With my closest female friends, I try to “tell it like it is,” but only in the most painless way possible. I’ll suggest an alternate outfit or casually mention that their current crush reminds me of an ex-boyfriend (one of the really awful ones that they warned me to stay away from in the first place).
But it’s different with guys. Guys don’t do “subtle.” And guys don’t really do “tact” either. This is why their opinions can be rather valuable once you recover from the initial shock. (And this is why I do listen—or at least consider listening—when the Y Chromosomes amongst you tell me things I don’t want to hear.)
My brother’s relationship advice rarely consists of anything more than, “Dump his sorry ass.” If only my girlfriends would tell me that! (Or maybe they have told me that and I just haven’t listened?)
So today’s question is this: who gives better relationship advice? Men or women? Should you trust your girlfriends or your former potential-boyfriends? And, last but not least (because I almost don’t want to know…) is The Salsa Date right about My One O’Clock?