The Demise of PSM#3
I’m on the third floor of Barnes and Noble leafing through a novel by Simone de Beauvoir when PSM#3 finally deigns to grace me with his presence. It’s 7:39pm. This makes him nearly 40 minutes late.
Approximately 36 hours, one glass of wine and one overpriced salmon filet later, I receive an email from eHarmony alerting me to a new “communication” in my inbox. It’s from PSM#3. It contains the words “interesting,” “dynamic” and “unfortunately.” In short, it’s a rejection letter.
“Wait a minute!” I shout, refreshing my screen. “Wait just one minute. He can’t do this.”
He can’t do this because I’ve already done it; I’ve already rejected him. At least, I planned to, via text, lest there be any confusion as to just how truly “lacking in chemistry” we were, but then I got all distracted by the Hugh Grant film he’d suggest and never got around to sending the message.
It was going to be friendly but curt: Thank you for recommending “About a Boy” and thank for dinner last night. Best wishes.
The “best wishes,” of course, was going to convey subtly and without unnecessary insult my resolute disinterest in ever subjecting myself to another dinner with PSM#3. But then Hugh Grant got involved, and got me thinking, well now, people do change. Just because my latest potential soul mate arrived nearly 40 minutes late to our first date, began texting before we’d even placed our orders and spent the majority of our meal unable to look me in the eye doesn’t mean that he’ll always be that way. Indeed, maybe he was just as intimidated by me as I was by him. (I was wearing my new heels after all, and was having the best hair day I’ve had in a very long time.)
But I never sent the message. Instead, I left myself wide open to the sting of an eHarmony rejection—a rejection I could have beat to the punch if I hadn’t been such a sucker for Hugh Grant flicks and tall men with dimples and advanced degrees.
Fortunately, I’m the sort of girl who can tell her salad fork from her dinner fork (unlike a certain someone) and as such, I’m also the sort of girl who has been raised to resist the urge, no matter how tempting, to stoop to the level of a man who cannot even be bothered to offer his arm while “escorting” his date across a particularly icy street corner.
As such, I did not send any of the scathing responses that came to me while I was on the elliptical at Planet Fitness on Monday morning—and I assure you, there were a good many things that came to mind. Instead, I simply responded with a variation on the text I’d initially intended to send: Likewise; thank you for dinner and best wishes.
Unfortunately for PSM#3 I am the sort of girl who has a blog and, on rare occasions, a way with words. And so, without further ado, here is what I would have written to PSM#3 if I hadn’t been raised better:
Listen, you ill-mannered halfwit, you can’t reject me because I’ve already rejected—
Wait, sorry, I did say I’d been raised better, didn’t I? Let’s try that again:
My dear sir,
I am at lost to discover the reasons you felt it necessary to prolong our correspondence with a final communiqué. Your sentiments were made abundantly clear to me when you left me standing on the street corner to hail my own cab.
For the record, I do not hail my own cabs. Nor do I open my own cab doors, especially when I’ve endured your talk of ice cream and kosher marshmallows for the past two and a half hours. And although you’ve assembled a rather impressive collection of letters after your name, you’ve obviously failed to grasp the very rudiments of courtship.
Shall I enlighten you? If a woman wears heels in the snow for your benefit, you had better offer her your arm when crossing the street. Furthermore, you might actually want to look at her while you’re speaking (and while she is speaking, but for such an event to occur, you would of course have to take a break from your interminable monologues on the merits of Moose Tracks ice cream and in the inconveniences of camping). Finally, if you agree to meet a woman at 7:00, you ought to meet her at 7:00, or 7:15, or even 7:20 but not 7:39.
In short, it’s no wonder that you’re still single. With your good looks and academic credentials, you might have had any number of women but instead, you persist in subjecting poor unsuspecting souls to your awkward conversational “skills” and your equally awkward leave takings. I’d have expected better from a man born and bred in the Main Line but obviously your family’s fortune and your extensive education do not guarantee good manners.
Nonetheless, I wish you the best of luck in your continued search; you’ll obviously need it because dimples can only take a man so far in life.
She-who-rejected-you-first (even if your inbox would suggest otherwise)
18 Responses to “The Demise of PSM#3”
…..and you were so intimidated by his credentials? See, you have nothing to be worried about. Walk with your head up and be proud of who you are and of your accomplishments.
Oh Kat, if only a girl like you existed around here. I need someone who just gets right out and says what’s on her mind. And of course, wears heels for my benefit, snow or not…
And for the record, I think you should provide the 140 character or less “text-friendly” responses you would’ve sent. Y’know, for your fans’ amusement and all.
You tell him sister!
U go girl,I think u might have intimidated him a little hence him not looking at u while talking….you can certainly do better!
“Thank you for recommending “About a Boy” and thank for dinner last night. Best wishes.”
Were you being serious with this text?
To me, it seems vague. If I received it, Id be confused. Id think “Does she want to go out again?” or it best wishes code for “I dont want to see you again” in a condescending kind of way (as if I can picture you brushing your hands together saying, “well, im done with that, on to the next!” which just turns me off. Just my 2 cents.
I should clarify,… given what i know, if i was 40 minutes late for a date and saw the lack of chemistry, i would get it that “Thank you for recommending “About a Boy” and thank for dinner last night. Best wishes.” means thanks but no thanks.
But it sounds like this guy was really unskilled (unless you think he did all that stuff intentionally) and Id hate for your text message to cause him wonderment and for him to continue to stalk you (though you got his response and this is overcome by events now).
I generally like to be somewhat clear about why i choose to end things with someone. Not specifics that could really hurt, but to at least provide the person with a tangible answer because once upon a time, I was a confused man trying to make it in the big dating world, and when I did get this feedback, it was valuable.
I wonder what other readers think.
PS: Sorry for the double post!
Hmmm… I think that “Best wishes” is pretty clear. It’s like saying “Take care” or “It was nice meeting you” at the end of the date as opposed to “When can I see you again.” Imho “Have a nice weekend” would imply that you’re not opposed to further communication (once the weekend is over) and “Have a nice night” means you’re open to further communication the very next day, but “Best wishes” is pretty final in my book.
And seeing as he’s the one who eventually rejected me, I don’t think he’s exactly sitting around trying to figure me out 🙂
Oh, no you didn’t 😉 now that is an articulate smack down! We still can’t get over the lack of general manners, no matter how he felt the chemistry did or did not go. Oh well, more fodder for the blog.
anger crafts fine prose rapidly: if you want to write that novel, time spent with PSM3 is a quick route to a publishing deal. Just sayin’.
Aghh- it’s terrible, isn’t it? I was having major second thoughts about even posting all of this and decided to take it down as soon as I got home from work, but then one of my co-workers walked in and said, “Great letter, btw.” So it’s still here… for now 😦
you obviously deserve so much better…thank heaven only a few hours were wasted on this loser with credentials!!!
What a Loser with a great big Capital L.
So far eHarmony isnt giving a very good track record now, is it?
But, I like your mindset. I also feel that this latest post means you need to fulfil your “hobby” of shoe shopping, go out and purchase another new pair for the PSM#5 when he comes about.
Best Kick-a$$ rejection letter ever! Send it 🙂
I would… if karma weren’t such a b*tch 🙂
Kat, was PSM#3 texting you directly that he would be late, and then later using the eharmony communciation to do the “rejection” letter? Because that would be lame. And the texting during your evening? That would have only gotten worse. What’s wrong with communicating with the person that you have made it a point to spend time with? Good luck with the next one!
Correct: text to notify me of his tardiness, eHarm to notify me of our “unfortunate” lack of chemistry. L-A-M-E is right!
[…] worst part about my date with PSM#3 was not when he left me standing on the street corner to hail my own cab (although that was a […]
Haha, love the letter. Especially the closing. Don’t you know you have to be quick to say you aren’t interested? It’s the same thing as in a relationship – if it’s clearly over, you want to break up with him before he breaks up with you. This is like middle school dating 101! 🙂
Better luck with the next one…