Darling? Seriously?

"My dearest Sweet Pea..."

There comes a time in every relationship when it becomes advisable—even necessary—to commence the use of terms of endearment.  I’ve answered to everything from “darling” to “my little bhabaganoush” over the years (mainly because my boyfriend at the time enjoyed teasing me about my hatred of eggplant), and I’ve doled out several ingenious creations of my own (most of which, embarrassingly enough, have been based on whichever Bath and Body Works scent I’m currently sporting).  But there’s a time and a place for such flirtatious familiarities, and a few days in to an eHarmony relationship seems just wrong.

Date #4 used to call me “honey” and “sister” and a variety of things in French which I never understood but in which I nonetheless took great delight.  (Google led me to believe that they were mostly fruit-related.)  He once left me a voicemail that began, “Kat, hey honey, its So-and-so” and because he spoke with the conviction that only a sizeable collection of cufflinks can provide, I allowed him to wax poetic.  (And listened to said voicemail approximately 67 times before I finally managed to get a grip.)

But I’ve grown cynical.  As previously stated, I don’t trust men who toss terms of endearment into their everyday lingo.  I blame my apprehensions on a certain young man I met in Oxford nearly five years ago; we used to call each other “dear” and “darling” and a host of other things not fit for public consumption (they were mainly Dostoyevsky-related, hence the longevity of my ill-advised infatuation) but they never rang true.

As such, a little red flag went off when, just hours after our first date last Sunday, PSM#2 texted me to ask, “Did you get home safely darling?”

I do realize I’ve just given the impression that I’m impossible to please.  Earlier this week I complained about PSM#2 not texting me to see if I’d made it home alive; now I’m complaining about his word choice when he did manage to send the requisite follow up text.  But I’m not impossible, I’m just skeptical of men who invoke terms of endearment without any actual feelings of affection.

I know that PS M#2 enjoys spending time with me because he’s told me as much, and I know that he thinks I’m “awesome” (his word, not mine) because he’s told me this much too, on more than one occasion.  But is it possible for a young man to conjure up the necessary affection to justify the use of the term “darling” after a mere first date?

I wasn’t even wearing heels…

11 Responses to “Darling? Seriously?”

  1. Kara

    Hmm. I don’t like this either… especially so soon! I save crap like that for when you actually pass into gf/bf status. And as Bri will tell you, even then I’m not too keen on the overly mushy pet names. Hmm…. so, when will we, and by “we” I mean “you”, get acquainted with PSM#3? I have high hopes for him, lol.

    Reply
    • h&hs

      You’ve got me curious. If you want to continue to see PSM#2, what do you think will happen if you mention to him that you dont feel comfortable with him calling you “darling” right yet?

      Reply
      • Kat Richter

        Well, for that conversation to take place, I’ll have to see him again… which I’m starting to get a bit anxious about now since it’s been several days since our last date!

        Reply
  2. wordofsoia

    Well At least he’s not calling you “mate”. This I have an extremely high intolerence, its comparable to those who have lactose intolerence. Funny how I have read this entry this morning only half an hour after having a rather long discussion with colleagues in my office about the use of terms of endearment especially after only dating someone or seeing them on minimal occasions.
    Dont get me wrong – I dont agree with the use of Darling at such an early stage either, the last guy I attemtped to date who happened to be extrememly funny and just all round lovely started to call me “lovely”, “Darling” AND “sweetie” after a week. Uncomfortable Plus.
    Im now waiting to see what The Landlord’s thoughts are on the whole darling situation.

    Reply
  3. Sam Barnett-Cormack

    If it were something other than “darling” I might think it possibly okay, but darling is pretty unambiguous. Having had contact with people from diverse regions of the UK, I’m used to the fact that some people use some terms of endearment fairly liberally – duck, doll, dear, sweetheart even. Not ‘darling’. I’m also unsure of whether such liberal use of any terms is something that is normal in any part of the US.

    Reply
  4. becky119

    As a fellow Sophie Kinsella fan, I can only asssume that you’ve read “Can You Keep a Secret”. I thought it was hilarious when the main character thought her boyfriend was going to propose and instead he asked if they could start calling each other ‘darling’. lol

    Reply

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