The good thing about being single during the holiday season is that if you want to spend a Saturday night decorating sugar cookies with a jar of candied pearls and a pair of tweezers, you can. Also, if you develop a sinus infection over the weekend and end up with a red nose to rival Rudolf’s, you don’t have to bother trying to hide it.
It’s been just over a week since I gave Date #17 the boot, thereby effectively relegating myself to the “single” column this Christmas. I’ve been very good so far, by which I mean I’ve deleted the majority of his texts and have finally found the willpower to stop listening to the cryptic voicemail he left me last Friday. I may or may not have taken another glance at his email, with the notion that some time and sobriety might give me a different read, but here’s the thing about emails. They don’t change. Date #17’s condescending little missive remains as condescending as it was when he first sent it last Sunday; no further scrutiny (or response) required.
But it’s okay, because like I said earlier, it’s great to be single around the holidays! In the spirit of seeing the glass half full, I’ve compiled the following list of Reasons Why this Sugar Plum Fairy is Flying Solo This Holiday Season:
1) As previously mentioned, I can devote my Saturday nights to decorating sugar cookies. With tweezers. Probably, the less said about this better (“Hey there all you dudes on eHarmony: I have NO LIFE!”) but seeing as I spent last Saturday night smashing candy canes with a hammer, I’d say that this is a definite improvement.
2) I’m free to blow my nose as many times as I need, rub my eyes till my mascara has effectively worked itself into the Frenzied Raccoon Look and I don’t even have to bother trying to reapply my make up because really? Who cares? The guys in the as-is furniture section at Ikea probably though I was some of junkie but they were short and buying stupid-looking chairs so they can think what they want.
3) I’m free to date other people.
4) Additionally, I’m free to date other people without feeling guilty about it (I’ll let you draw your own conclusions here but let’s just say that the Man from Marshalls did make a brief reappearance at some point during my affiliation with Date #17).
5) I can play “Ridin’ Solo” by Jason Derulo as often as I want. I can also sing along and choreograph interpretive dance routines in my bedroom with much greater emotional depth and authenticity than I was able to do while not ridin’ solo.
6) The next time the greasy deli boy offers me a free baguette and calls me “sweetheart,” I’ll be at liberty to flirt back. Not that I really want to encourage his attentions (I suspect that he’s a mummer and that the deli is just a front for some sort of Sou’ Philly mob operation) but still, free food is free food.
7) I don’t have to shave my legs. At least not very often.
8) I can flirt with whomever I want at my brother’s office party later this month. Judging by last year’s attendees, I will want to flirt with no one but I was just coming off of a break up and still lamenting my return from London on an hourly basis. It is possible that I wasn’t in the best of moods.
9) When meeting a girlfriend for Happy Hour, I can spend the whole time checking out the male clientele. Granted, most of the men flanking the bar at Continental last Thursday were sporting a rather unfortunate combination of gorgeous suits and equally gorgeous wedding bands, but it’s always nice to browse.
10) Last but not least, I don’t have to buy anyone a Christmas present!
Isn’t being single great?