CALIFORNICATION (Season 3)

The Pretty Hair Professor

As a freshman in college, I managed to talk my way into an upper level art history course taught by a visiting professor from Johns Hopkins University. He was gorgeous. Everyone thought so. I know this because I volunteered to collect the student evaluations at the end of the term and most of them said…

Shoe-photo

Barefoot in the Faculty Lounge

In my infinite wisdom, I decided to wear my (fake) snakeskin peep toe stilettos this morning. Why? Well, I was teaching my first summer class of the semester. And my experience with summer semesters is that the students don’t really want to be there, even less so than regular-semester students. As such, I decided to…

freestuff

The Faculty Only Restroom

Last week, I met with my boss (one of my bosses, I should say) to request a promotion to Senior Adjunct Status. I had to go to the Far Away Campus for the meeting, and the administrative building is laid out in a rather infuriating, honeycomb type of pattern that leaves hapless adjuncts wandering around…

Engagement ring

Put a Ring on It

I’ve always been rather suspect of marriage proposals made on Valentine’s Day.  I consider them too predictable for my high-drama tastes, too commonplace.  Plus they allow the man squeak by with very little effort.  I mean, what’s one more box of jewelry when the entire universe is already decked out in hearts and roses and…

bad dance students

All This to Avoid the “F” Word

I like to think I’m a good teacher.  I’m encouraging.  I’m patient—at least most of the time.  I lead by example and I challenge my students to think on their own.  But every once in a while, I’ll find myself standing in the studio lecturing my students and wondering “what the f*ck am I saying…

chocolate covered strawberry

No More Beach Balls

So I’m in Target, perusing the Dollar Deals section in the front of the store for preschool-friendly goodies as I always do when it hits me: I have no need for foam super hero stickers or glow in the dark bracelets anymore.  I don’t need play dough, magic wands or butterfly wings this year. Why?…

I Blame the Krispy Kremes

Yesterday was Donut Day at The School.  It was also the day when I woke up—both literally and figuratively—and realized that I want to be with The Wedding Date no matter what it takes but we’ll get to that later because in addition to being Donut Day, it was also The Day Before The Annual…

There’s No Painting in Dance Class!

I find myself giving a lot of pep talks these days.  Whether it’s telling my high school students to stop obsessing over another dance team’s costumes/props/anorexic talent and start focusing instead on their own performance, reminding my middle school kids to breathe when they’re hurrying out of one costume and into the next, or telling…