All posts tagged: marriage

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The Only Babyless Woman in the WORLD???

I blame Facebook— Facebook and human nature, but mainly Facebook. It’s hard enough not to stalk your ex-boyfriend (which is why I un-friended mine minutes after we broke up).  But resisting the urge to stalk other people?  It’s impossible. Stalking isn’t the right word though. I’m talking about comparing. I’m talking about going through your news feed each morning and thinking to yourself “Am I the only person left in the world who isn’t married?  The only person left in the world who doesn’t have a baby?” I do this a lot.  And I don’t even realize I’m doing it. The weird part is that I don’t even want a baby.  I don’t even like babies.  Toddles yes, but babies no.  And yet I’ll sit there scrolling through photo albums of people I was never even real friends with in the first place wondering what is wrong with me, wondering why my “life” hasn’t “started” yet. Because that’s healthy. I finally realized something though. Several somethings, actually. Firstly, my life has started. Secondly, none of …

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Reasons (Not) to Get Married

I watch enough reality TV to know that there are some very stupid reasons to get married.  That hasn’t stopped me, however, from compiling the following list: (Keep in mind its late and I’ve just come from baking 160 cookies for Parent Observation Night at the studio.) Health Insurance: The Wedding Date works for the state.  He has good health insurance.  I work for myself.  I do not.  My current plan is simply “Don’t get sick.” Water Pressure: The Wedding Date has an amazing shower.  Because he’s a neat freak, it’s always clean and the water pressure is to die for.  Seriously.  I could spend hours in his shower. Vacuuming: The Wedding Date actually enjoys vacuuming.  He says it makes him feel zen.  I have tried to cultivate a zen attitude while vacuuming on numerous occasions but now that I can’t vacuum in the nude, it’s not nearly as fun as it used to be.  (Who am I kidding?  Vacuuming is never fun.  I hate it with a passion.) My Grandmother: I had breakfast with …

All the Single Ladies (and the science to back it up?)

So I’m on the phone with my new author friend, Tamara Duricka Johnson, (‘cause I’m cool like that) and she (being rather cool herself) asks, “Have you seen the November issue of The Atlantic?  I don’t usually read The Atlantic but I got a free trial subscription or something… anyway, there’s an essay I think you’d like.  It’s called ‘All the Single Ladies.’  Lots of anthropology.  Great blog fodder.  You should check it out.” Well, there are few things that get me going more than a Beyoncé reference in conjunction with the social sciences—especially if I can blog about it! I am, after all, in dire need of new material.  I won’t be seeing The Wedding Date for another week and a half and Date #7, the man from across the state, is refusing to go quietly.  I suppose my nineteen-paragraph email didn’t really help matters but what can I say?  Brevity has never been my forte.  He has made several good points in response—points that make me say, “Hmmm… I hadn’t considered that angle” …

The American Heiress

It was so much easier to get married in the nineteenth century.  I know this not because I majored in history as an undergraduate or because I spent the majority of my teen years writing sappy historical fiction but because I’ve just finished reading The American Heiress by Daisy Goodwin. That’s right: I’ve completed my “lit review” of everything ever written on the subject of online dating (what a depressing project that was) and have finally gone back to the sort of books one’s supposed to read during the summer vacation: books that offer an escape. Goodwin’s debut novel tells the story of the aptly-named Cora Cash, heir to a flour fortune, who suffers, as all teenage protagonists must, from the constraints of Victorian society and her mother’s constant meddling.  When it comes time for Cora to marry, she simply hops a boat to England (her father’s private yacht, to be exact), spends an afternoon horseback riding, and conveniently gets knocked unconscious in a forest that just so happens to belong to unmarried English duke. …

The Back Up (Husband) Plan

“If we r both single when we both r 50 we marry?” It’s just after 9:00pm in the US, which means it’s just after 3:00am in Norway and my friend Ove (who you may recall from his appearance on My Single Male Friend Friday a few months ago) is just coming home from a night out.  He’s been drinking, which means his English is a bit more… creative than usual, but he’s awfully endearing when he’s drinking and tonight is no exception. “Sure,” I tell him.  “But 40 would be better.” He agrees, based on the logic that “we r still young and beautiful at 40.”  (Whereas we’ll be “old and ugly at 50.”) I’m tempted to remind him that he will be nearly-50 by the time I’m 40 (so I’ll probably have to trade him in for a younger and more “beautiful” model) but I resist the urge because if I am still single at 40, Ove would make for a good fall back husband.  I’d get bilingual kids with EU passports and dual …

My First Bridal Shower: No Wonder I Sucked at eHarmony!

Yesterday I attended my very first bridal shower.  It confirmed what many of you have suspected all along: I’m not ready to get married.  Not by a long shot. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it; the bride-to-be was my old babysitter/art teacher/next door neighbor and she looked so damn happy that I found myself thinking, “Hmmm… maybe there’s something to this whole marriage thing after all?” I mean she was seriously glowing and her husband-to-be (who made a brief appearance at the beginning of the shower) seemed like a really sweet guy but in case you haven’t figured it out by now, the thought of actually settling down with someone scares me to death. I’m sitting there picking at my appetizer when I notice that aside from my mom, the bride, the mother of the bride and a few old the bride’s older relatives, everyone is pregnant.  Or holding a baby.  Or both.  Granted, my brother and I were the youngest kids on the block growing up so the majority of the bridal …

How Can You Tell if a MAN is Engaged?

Here’s something I don’t get: why don’t men wear engagement rings?  I know that a diamond is meant to symbolize the man’s financial wherewithal (the rational being if he can’t afford a diamond, he can’t afford a family) but it seems like a double standard, especially in this day and age. A man can walk into a bar, size up the clientele and immediately deduce who’s is available and who’s not.  (What he chooses to do with this information, of course, is entirely up to him.)  The fairer sex, by contrast, is left in the dark. It’s hard enough to tell if a guy’s married when you’re dealing with men who don’t wear wedding bands.  It gets harder still when you throw a European into the mix: do you check the left hand or the right?  And gold wedding bands tend to blend in with most skin tones.  I go back and forth on the whole white gold vs. yellow gold debate for myself but for men, I’m all for platinum-colored bands.  Why?  They stand …

According to Austen

The great Jane Austen once wrote “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”  She was right, and as her facsimile currently stands at the edge of my desk in the form of a fully-hinged action figure, I feel it appropriate to confess that I am most assuredly guilty of these “rapid” transferences. My mind has jumped from admiration to love (and from love to matrimony) nearly a dozen times since I launched my great “experiment” six months ago.  PSM#3 was the twentieth man I dated as a result of my online liaisons; this brings my lifelong total to… give me a sec, I need to do the math: 17 men from Match.com 3 men from eHarmony 4 proper boyfriends (beginning at the age of 17) 2 English boys “dated” while living in the UK (“dated” because I’m sure they’d beg to differ) 4 American boys “dated” while living in the UK (“dated” because, unbeknownst to me, the majority of them had girlfriends back …