agratr

Continued Misadventures in Garter Belt-Wearing

My pre-departure shopping list includes, amongst other things, pepper spray and thigh high stockings. (Go ahead. Before we get to the funny part of this story, you can insert your witty but ultimately misogynistic comment—something along the lines of “Tsssk, tsssk. You wouldn’t need the former if you wouldn’t wear the latter”— but then remember…

settlement photo

Of Credit Cards and Keys

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m at Bank of America. The purpose of my visit is to close out my account and transfer the funds into my Wells Fargo account so that I can draw a cashier’s check for the down payment on my house. There’s a problem though. Two problems actually: a pair of handsome,…

paint

My New Office

After thirteen months, 60-some properties, three agreements of sale and almost a month of tearing various things out of my new house, I’m proud to report that today’s broadcast comes to you– finally– from my new office. It’s a mess and filled with boxes that still need to be unpacked and I am, at present,…

no-diamond-ring

T-One Day

I’m warning you now. In about 24 hours I am going to get very obnoxious; I am going to start posting pictures all over Facebook like people do when they get engaged but since I’ve developed a habit of doing things ever-so-slightly backwards, they won’t be of a diamond ring but rather of the keys…

July 2014 083

Thoughts from the Hot Tub

If all goes according to plan, by the time you read this, The European and I will be sitting in a hot tub overlooking the Chesapeake. (At least I will be. He might still be asleep but that is okay because I know that eventually he’ll join me and our first official holiday together will…

sleep-walking-cartoon

You Said Yes, So What if You Were Asleep?

The European is a very heavy sleeper. And by “heavy,” I mean that it’s a very good thing that he quit smoking a while back because I’m pretty sure his house could burn down around him and he wouldn’t notice. This is the only thing about him that truly distresses me. Well, that and the…