All posts tagged: Folding chair

too many band aids

How to Kill Your Boyfriend and Make it Look Like an Accident

Step 1: Get drunk—not super drunk but at least marginally tipsy and make sure you have a good excuse.  Mine, for example, was the fact that I’d spent the entire weekend shuttling my students around backstage, doling out safety pins and talking them through a variety of competition-related meltdowns.  If all three of my graduating seniors hadn’t burst into tears at one point or another over the weekend, I wouldn’t have felt the need to consume a glass of red wine, two glasses of white sangria and half of my dad’s mojito upon the completion of their final recital.  But they did, so I didn’t have much of a choice. Step 2: Eat lots of cheesecake, this way when you decided to sit down on your boyfriend’s lap and nestle your head against his shoulder, you weigh a bit more than usual. Step 3: Be sure that your boyfriend is sitting in a plastic folding chair—the kind that aren’t meant to support more than 200 pounds— this way you can ensure that all evidence of …