For our cruise to Bermuda, I packed six pairs of shoes, five bathing suits, four dresses, three hats, two gowns, and an entire week’s worth of workout wear.
Well, Royal Caribbean cruises tend to bring out the worst in me. By which I mean if I have the option to eat breakfast three different times on the same day, I’m going to take advantage of it. And if the waiter tells me to go ahead and order as many appetizers, as many entrees and as many desserts as I like, I’m going to take him up on the offer.
Most people don’t know this about Royal Caribbean—you really can order every item on the menu if you like—and The Wedding Date didn’t believe me but by the final night of our vacation, he’d taken this to heart.
“Three desserts?” I asked in disbelief as he rattled off his selection to our head waiter. “Really? Three?”
“Not three,” he corrected. “Two and a half. Three would be a bit much, don’t you think?”
“Oh, of course,” I replied. We were, after all, sharing the tiramisu.
I attempted to lose weight before the cruise as a sort of precautionary measure but I gave up about two weeks prior to our departure (birthdays are not conducive to weight loss).
Instead, I decided I’d lose weight on the cruise, where I’d have an entire gym at my disposal and an entire week free to do whatever I damn well pleased.
Well, I’m here to tell you that no one loses weight on a cruise. Certainly not on Royal Caribbean. You’re lucky to maintain the same weight you came onboard with, which is why I selected a fitted gown for the first formal night and a looser, empire waist for the second.
Nonetheless, The Wedding Date and I started out with good intentions. We trekked up to the gym the very first morning.
Granted, we only stayed long enough to look around and make snarky comments about “all those dumb f*cks running to nowhere in the middle of the ocean when they could be lounging in the Solarium with a Drink-of-the-Day in one hand and a cheeseburger in the other…”
We decided to “come back later” when the gym was “less crowded” but instead we retired to the Solarium (for drinks and cheeseburgers of course) and never returned.
When it came time to pack our suitcases at the end of our trip, I realized just how many pairs of yoga pants and sports bras I hadn’t worn. Like, all of them.
Guiltily, I shoved them in the bottom of my suitcase and tried to convince myself that this was a good thing (less laundry at least). Besides, we did do a lot of walking, and we worked up a sweat on the dance floor almost every night, but I still feel like a bit of a loser.
Thoughts? How many of you actually make it to the gym when you’re on vacation?