Get a Room!

pastel macaroonsThe Wedding Date and I are currently in Bermuda– sans internet– but don’t worry.  I wrote the following last week so you’d have a little something to tide you over until we get back.

I’m at my favorite coffee shop, and even though I love the drinks, love the ambiance and love the music, I hate the clientele.  My ideal coffee shop, actually, would be a private coffee shop (I believe most people call these “offices”) but until I land a book deal, publish a best seller and make enough money to purchase my dream home in Queen Village (I have it already picked out, in case you were wondering), I’m stuck here.

Fortunately, I love people watching.  In fact, if people watching was an Olympic Sport, I could give Phelps a run for his money.  But it’s not, so I’m left to hone my craft on days such as these.

Today’s floor show began with a little brat in ringlets and a striped romper.  First she wanted a donut, then she wanted a bagel, then she wanted orange juice, then she wanted a macaroon.  What sort of three year old eats macaroons?  And what sort of sort of mother tries to reason with her three year old when she selects a pink one, then decides she doesn’t want a pink after already eating half of it?

My response would have been, “Fine, then don’t eat the f*cking macaroon,” (which is why its probably a good thing that I don’t have a three year old) but then again, I would never have bought a three year old a macaroon in the first place, because I would never have brought her into the coffee shop with me to begin with.

Next up is couple two tables away in the throes of some sort of emotional crisis.

I can’t tell if they’re breaking up or making up—they’re just out of earshot—but they’re old.  Like way too old to be having this sort of conversation in a coffee shop.  I broke up in a coffee shop once (the experience totally ruined Starbucks peppermint lattes for me, by the way) but I had just graduated from college.  It’s okay to break up in a coffee shop when you’re 21 and don’t know any better and you don’t care who sees you sitting there with tears streaming down your face.

But these people are like my parents’ age.  And the woman is way better looking than the man.  He is obviously aware of this because he’s practically sitting on top of her: chair turned sideways, arms around her neck, and lips—yes lips—all over her.

She’s been staring out the window for most of their conversation but just a few minutes ago, she finally deigned to kiss him back and the exchange lasted for 15 seconds.

Yes, I counted.

And yes, I decided to write a blog post about it because I was so appalled.

And now they’re at it again.

With tongue this time.

It’s all I can to do to keep from shouting “Get a room!”   I mean it’s not even noon for crying out loud!  The Wedding Date and I are pretty kissy but we’re not nearly this bad, at least not in public, not at one o’clock in the afternoon at a coffee shop in broad daylight.

They’re leaving now.

Together, so I guess whatever crisis promulgated their display has been averted (or simply swept under the rug until next time).  I guess I’ll never know.

public displays of affectionSo, let’s talk about PDAs.  I think this is probably the worst I’ve ever seen (aside from the two guys going at it in Miami, just visible from the roof deck of our hotel, and they didn’t realize they were in public view so that doesn’t really count).  How about you?

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13 thoughts on “Get a Room!

  1. The gym. Because when I am doing an exercise I generally am limited in the direction I am looking. Mainly straight forward. Where gym couples like to make-out for some reason. At the gym. And because the gym is an environment where one feels judged constantly, one cannot awkwardly turn away or close one’s eyes for fear of looking weird. I hope they feel shame.

  2. For sure Kat doesn’t realize that kids do have to go where their parents choose to go, and occasionally those choices are places that may or may not be kid friendly–However, beginning in the generation of the parents of these new parents, (so yes, MY generation)–I have watched graciousness, consideration, manners, empathy and more become lost teachable moments. I remember going out with certain new mom friends of mine when I was a new mom and being horrified at the behavior they found acceptable while in public with their children. Now mind you, I had a certain child who was prone to tantrums, so I’m not speaking from a holier than thou position, but that child would be removed from the situation, not left there to disturb others.

    Realizing that you and your circle are not the only people populating a certain space seems to be a foreign concept to many people these days. Observation of what is going on around you and reacting to it is a lost art. Holding doors, giving up seats, and so on for elderly, w/child, handicapped, etc. is no longer a routine courtesy, or even something you don’t have to “think about” before doing.

    I can still remember kids using “wheelies” or “heelies” or whatever they were called in stores, thinking WHAT? they’d knock into you, whiz by as you were trying to grab for something from the shelves, or you would have to watch out for them as you were wheeling your cart around…ahhh, I know I’m “old” but surely we can find a way to bring back some sense of consideration of others while out in public? If for nothing else, its good Karma ;)

  3. Hear, Hear, Landlord! My kids are younger than yours, but I brought them lots of places and expected different behavior at coffee shops than at playgrounds, so they’d learn social behaviors. And I walked out of plenty of places, abandoning shopping carts or leaving Mr Husband to pay the bill when behavior crossed a line. As for the PDA? I’m beginning to realize I’m a prude. Hold hands. Talk quietly. Save the serious physical affection for a private place. Or a dark theater. If I wanted to see that? I have other options.

    • P.S. Landlord makes some excellent points. I (almost) always go out of my way to be polite to people — to smile, to let them ahead of me in line, and to open doors (the huge exception being when I’m on the road. I have awful road rage. But I’m working on it.).

      BUT. I still maintain that there are certain places kids just don’t belong. Coffee shops, fancy restaurants, and adult movies after 8 p.m. are among them. This is why most coffee shops have drive-throughs and take-out cups. ;)

  4. Worst PDA was this couple at my high school. They were making out at the top of the stairs right where two different building connect. I think their classes were in opposite buildings, so they crossed paths and simply had to make out while the rest of us tried to crowd around them. This was not a big open space and both these girls had wide hips, so that made getting around them even more difficult. Who wants to see a tongue shoved down a throat on the way to calculus? Show of hands? Yeah, that’s more lunch time behavior I think.

  5. Hmm, what’s wrong with children in a coffee shop? That three-year-old needed somebody to school him/her in manners is all. :) And as for PDAs, meh. It doesn’t really bother me in a coffee shop. It’s nice to see old couples. Age shouldn’t be shameful and neither should sexuality. Nice people watching though!

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