Month: July 2012

Sense and Sensibility

Romance: The Blooper Reel

One of my favorite scenes from Sense and Sensibility is when Kate Winslet’s character gets lost in the rain (thanks to her insatiable passion for the scoundrel Willoughby) and has to be rescued by Colonel Brandon.  Alan Rickman plays the slightly senior but nonetheless dashing Colonel Brandon and he sweeps poor Kate/Marianne into his arms and carries her back to the house, where she nearly dies of an infectious fever while he waits by her bedside, driven half mad by his own helplessness. Over the past few months, I have come to believe that nice relationships are invariably preferable to infectious fevers (not to mention insatiable passions for unscrupulous men) but I still love that scene. Which is why, when I fell asleep on The Wedding Date’s couch after a particularly taxing day spent with my students in Ocean City, I nearly died of happiness when I realized that he was kneeling down beside me in order to facilitate the process of carrying me to bed. He doesn’t usually carry me to bed, you see.  …

Pug birthday

Friday Facebook Roundup: Animals to Make You Laugh

For this week’s entertainment, we return to the subject of animals.  The first one is a bit lame but they get funnier as you go.  In fact, I would greatly appreciate if one of you could procure a live version of final image and mail it to me for my birthday.  Enjoy! PS: Thank you to everyone who weighed in with suggestions for my karaoke duet with The Wedding Date.  We’re taking everything into consideration…

singing karaoke

And Now He Wants Me to SING with Him?

I’ve discovered something truly terrible about The Wedding Date.  Something I don’t know that I can accept.  Something I’m not sure we’ll be able to overcome.  The Wedding Date, dear readers, likes karaoke. This is a problem because we’re going on a cruise next month.  Cruises have karaoke and not only is The Wedding Date planning to sing but he wants me to sing with him. Allow me to shed some light onto my illustrious musical career thus far: Grace Lutheran Church, circa 1997: I joined the church choir with my mother, only to discover that I was an alto, not a soprano as I’d previously hoped.  Thanks to my inability to read music, however, and the fact that there were only two altos in the entire choir, I always had to stand next to one of the sopranos and was forever drifting into singing the melody by mistake. Freehold Music Center, circa 1999: I auditioned for my first musical and was cast as one of Cinderella’s step sisters in a community theater production of …

The Problem with Vacuuming in the Nude

Evidently my grandmother used to vacuum in the nude.  I won’t tell you how I came across this little tidbit of information but I will tell you this: it’s genetic. It all started a few Saturday mornings ago when I woke up and realized that if I did not get out bed that very minute and vacuum the house before heading to Manhattan for the day, my parent’s would probably disown me (and seeing as my parents are also my landlords, I’d end up being not only disowned but also homeless). So I got out of bed, and as it’s too hot to sleep in anything more than a pair of underwear this time of year, I threw on my robe and got to work. But my robe is rather thick.  Like hotel-quality thick, with long sleeves and a navy terry cloth belt.  By the time I’d finished the first two floors, I was beginning to… you know… sweat.  I realized I had a choice: I could stop vacuuming, take a shower and change into …

A Scandal at Sea

Sunday marked a year since I met The Wedding Date.  Today marks a month until we set sail on our first cruise as a couple.  To say I’m excited is an understatement—I’m ecstatic, so ecstatic in fact that I’ve already begun trying on all of my formal wear and managed to get myself stuck inside the pink halter I bought at Jomar—but I’m also nervous. We’ve never been on vacation together before, unless you count Boston back in January and that was only one night.  Our cruise is six nights.  Six nights is a long time when you still haven’t mastered the art of actually sleeping next to your significant other. I’m also one of those people who likes her space and even though Royal Caribbean’s Vision Class cruise ships hold several thousand passengers, our room doesn’t.  We’re staying in an “interior stateroom” which is cruise-talk for Small-windowless-cell-because-you-can’t-afford-anything-else. Our agent didn’t call it that, of course; she called it “the most economic option” but now she’s teasing me that she booked us the “boiler room …

A Year Later Love Letter

The reception hall wasn’t exactly over flowing with eligible bachelors.  I was there by myself, dateless despite a year of serial dating, and even though I felt rather smart in my $12 Jomar dress, I quickly surmised that this was going to be a very boring wedding. Fortunately, I was wrong. I noticed you for the first time on our way out of the church earlier that afternoon.  My parents—ever on the lookout—informed me that there was a “cute guy” seated a few rows behind us and by the time the DJ called “Lady’s Choice” a few hours later I had it on good authority that you were single. I can still remember our first dance.  I don’t know what song was playing, or what kind of dance it was, but I remember we talked the whole time and I found myself thinking, “My God, that’s how this sort of thing is supposed to work!” It felt effortless: we fit perfectly together (despite my four-inch heels) and thanks to all those months I’d spent conducting …