January 17, 2012 by Kat Richter
I’m not crazy. Despite what the editors over at Marie Claire and the producers over at Good Morning America might think.
Plenty of women start planning their wedding’s before they have a groom in mind. Not only are we essentially programmed, as little girls, to start thinking about our big day (and the dress we’ll wear, the flowers we’ll carry and the handsome Prince Charming we’ll marry) but it’s virtually impossible to escape shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Wedded to Perfection” these days.
Plus, that’s not the real reason that I’m a “Single Bridezilla.”
I’m a “Single Bridezilla” because I think it’s ridiculous to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding when those tens of thousands of dollars could be better spent on a house. Or a trip. Or a new business venture.
So I’ve been collecting things slowly but surely over the years: first my grandmother’s wedding dress (which I’ll be modeling for the ABC folks later this afternoon), then an inexpensive and less-restrictive alternative to wear for the reception because it was TWELVE DOLLARS and how can you pass up a wedding dress for TWELVE DOLLARS?
Yes, I have tons of dress patterns and bridal magazines and hairpieces and assorted odds and ends (I was a bit surprised, actually, to see just how much I’ve amassed) but I never paid full price for any of these things. In fact, most were given to me, or purchased on clearance, with coupons or at flea markets.
So I’m not crazy.
In fact, I’d like to think that I’m the opposite of a “bridezilla.”
Which is exactly what I told The Wedding Date when I called to explain that I’d be doing an interview about wedding planning on national television and that the producers would like to interview him as well.
At first he didn’t believe me but then, once I assured him that I was in fact telling the truth, he said he’d think about it.
“I’ll come for moral support either way,” he said, “but I’m not sure I want to be on TV.”
“I totally understand,” I said. “No hard feelings.”
A few hours after that initial conversation, I got a follow up email from one of the producers. “Just as a reminder,” it read, “we’ll want to talk to you, your mother and your boyfriend.”
Hold on a minute.
I don’t even call him that. Aside from the title of yesterday’s blog post (which was really for the sake of convenience more than anything else), I’ve never called The Wedding Date “my boyfriend.”
I’ve published several guest posts on the subject—“the subject” being of the friend-to-boyfriend conversion— one written by friend Siobhan (Of Pandas and Pigeons, or How to Bag a Brit) and one written by my friend Meghan (Crossing the Rubicon), but I’ve said very little on the subject myself, mainly because everyone else seems happy enough to define our relationship for us.
At my friends’ wedding in Boston earlier this month, a relative of the bride introduced herself to us during the cocktail hour. After congratulating me on the quality of my reading, she asked, “So where are you two from?”
“I’m from Philadelphia,” I replied, “and he’s from Jersey.”
“So you don’t…?”
Her voice trailed off but the implication was obvious: So you don’t live together?
“No,” I replied.
She raised her eyebrows.
“It’s rather recent,” I explained. As in “It’s only been six months and for five of those six months I was still sort-of seeing someone else.”
The deacon was curious too.
“So he’s just your ‘Plus One’ then?” he asked just as I’d popped a cube of cheese into my mouth.
“No, not quite,” I replied.
“So you’re good friends?”
“Well, we’re more than that.”
“Special friends then? Or perhaps friends with benefits?”
I don’t remember what I said in reply, except that I was getting tired of answering everyone’s questions and couldn’t wait to get dinner over with so that we could start dancing (because when The Wedding Date and I dance together, I think it’s pretty obvious that we’re more than “just friends”).
For the record, I did ask the man in question how he wanted me to be introduced.
“Are you fine with being just ‘The Wedding Date?” I inquired. “Or would you rather be ‘My boyfriend, The Wedding Date?’ Or ‘My friend, The Wedding Date?’ Or… or whatever?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “I haven’t done the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing since high school.”
“Since high school? Seriously?”
This seemed absolutely ludicrous to me—not because I care what The Wedding Date and I call one another but because it’s always seemed like such a big deal in every other relationship I’ve had or haven’t had.
Of course, to further complicate matters, I’ve started hanging out with a lot of Quakers over the past few years and with Quakers, it’s always “my partner this” and “my partner that.”
I told The Wedding Date (in jest) that I would simply start referring to him as “my lover” and he seemed quite keen on this idea but something tells me this wouldn’t go over so well at weddings or family get-togethers…
Thoughts? Is the term “boyfriend” outdated or is it simply too soon to adopt the title?
- Blogging and Boyfriends Do Not Mix (fieldworkinstilettos.com)
- My Marie Claire Debut: What Every Man Wants to Hear (fieldworkinstilettos.com)
- Biscuits in Bed and Other Shenanigans (fieldworkinstilettos.com)