December 23, 2011 by Kat Richter
Remember last year when Landlord gave me this for Christmas?
Maybe not, so I’ll refresh your memory with a quick blurb from last year’s post on the subject:
For Christmas I received, amongst other things, the Bath and Body Works 2010 V.I.P. Bag. It contained (also amongst other things) a bottle of Twilight Woods Men’s Shower Gel. “Great!” I thought. “The next time I have a man over to spend the night, I can present him with his very own bottle of Twilight Woods Men’s Shower Gel!” (I will lure him in with my new Secret Wonderland Fragrance Mist and he’ll be so impressed by my coordinated His and Hers shower gels that he’ll drop to his knees and propose on the spot—either that or he’ll wonder just how many men have helped themselves to a dollop of my Twilight Woods and will flee the scene.
Well, to those of you who’ve been following the progress of my Great Date Experiment, it will come as little surprise that my Twilight Woods Men’s Shower Gel has spent the last twelve months collecting dust.
Everything else is gone: the shower gel, the hand sanitizer, even the Wallflowers air freshener bulb. The loofah is on its last legs and the only reason I haven’t finished the Secret Wonderland body lotion is because my aunt sends my grandmother more body lotion that she knows what to do with—and she sends the good sh*t from Bath and Body works, not some knock-off brand from the flea market— so whenever we make our annual Christmas pilgrimage to Toms River, I help myself. (My grandmother is well aware of this, by the way, just in case you were beginning to doubt my moral fiber. Plus my aunt couldn’t care less about me, and she’s also my godmother, so the way I see it, she owes me after essentially ignoring me for the past 26 years).
At any rate, I was really excited when The Wedding Date decided to spend the night last Saturday because that damn un-used Twilight Woods for Men has been taunting me all year. Every time I look at it, a little voice in the back of my head says, “Seriously Kat? 30 men, 75 dates and you’ve still got this damn soap hanging around?”
I actually ran out of shower gel a while back and even though I hate using bar soap, I didn’t dare touch the Twilight Woods because I kept thinking, “Someday… someday I’ll have a man come to spend the night.”
As such, it was with no small amount of glee that I presented The Wedding Date with a full bottle of Twilight Woods on Sunday morning. “I’ve umm… I’ve kind of had this for a while. No one has used it. But it smells really good. You can use it if you want.”
He smiled, and when I told him how long I’d been holding on to that damn soap, he laughed and reached for his toiletries bag. Inside was a bottle of Bath and Body Works Shower Gel for Men—not Twilight Woods, mind you, but Citron.
So my Twilight Woods remains un-used, but at least I’m on the right track. And The Wedding Date is staying the night on New Years Eve so maybe he’ll forget to bring his Citron with him and I can swoop in with my Twilight Woods to save the day.