Here’s one I bet you’ve never heard before: I’m attempting to “(s)exile” my parents. (For those of you just joining us, I moved back in with my folks after finishing grad school).
Crass though this may sound, I think Date #7 and I deserve a little privacy when he makes his sojourn to Philadelphia next week and seeing as my parents go out of town all the time, I don’t see any reason why they can’t schedule themselves to be out of town next weekend.
I should state that despite my concern over sexy underwear, I have no intention of actually sleeping with Date #7 (and he knows this, so it’s all good). Granted, I’ve thought about it—on more than one occasion if you’re interested—but methinks having sex with the man from across the state during our first meeting probably isn’t the greatest idea. (And I’m going for the “Don’t f*ck this up” approach to relationship-building this time around.)
As such, I’m not really trying to “sexile” my parents; I’m simply trying to make-out-exile my parents but “make-out-exile” (as you can see) doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
Nonetheless, Landlord and Chauffer (aka my mom and dad) are voicing all the usual concerns:
What if he turns out to be an axe murderer?
What if he turns out to be a serial rapist and an axe murderer?
What if he turns out to be a serial rapist, an axe murderer and looks nothing like his profile pictures?
(Okay, so I’m more concerned about the last of these than they are, but I like to think I have pretty good instincts when it comes to men. I mean I’ve weeded out all of the potential serial rapists and axe murderers thus far, haven’t I? It’s not like I’m typing this from a dark alley somewhere, about to meet some unknown but 0h-so-handsome stranger.)
Unfortunately my parents are the kind of parents that actually care about the wellbeing of their children—even their adult children—so it looks as though I’ll have to revert back to the ol’ clandestine hook up techniques I perfected during my senior year of college.
(Can I just say how glad I am that I can hear the garage door opening from three flights up?)
In the meantime, I totally forgot to announce the winner of last week’s speed date challenge. Although the evening turned out to be a bit of a disappointment (and by “bit” I mean HUGE) I did receive some fantastic suggestions from my readers. Check out the following blogs: Culturally Discombobulated and Slow Down Son —their contributions to the blogosphere are ever funnier than their contributions to my comments box—but before you go, I have new question inspired by fellow blogger and serial dater Zak.
Yesterday, Zak wrote:
For the record, I think that even non-sexy underwear would be perfectly acceptable if my date and I were interested in sex on a first/second/whatever date.
What say ye? Is sex on a first and/or second date a good idea or a recipe for disaster?