It’s 3:00pm in Philadelphia. I’m seven hours into my new self-preservation beauty regime, which is just an hour shy of the maximum “recommended usage” for the L’Oreal Paris Body Expertise Sublime Skin Patch.
As of yet, I don’t have sublime skin. But I’m going to wait the full eight hours because the trial packet only came with one patch and there’s no way I’m going to invest in the accompanying Sublime Skim Day and Sublime Skin Night creams unless I see some amazing results from the patch.
I don’t really get the point of the single-patch trial kit. Given that L’Oreal is all about beauty, you’d think their ideal customer would have two legs, wouldn’t you? I guess not.
As such, the “Concentrated Caffeine Cx Agent and Body Smoothing Complex” (whatever that is) became a question of quality vs. quantity. I realized I could use the patch as is, thereby freeing one lucky thigh from its cottage cheese. Or I could cut it in half, use one half for each leg, and thus endow myself with two legs of marginally-reduced cellulite.
In the end, I reached for my scissors. In the unlikely event that the Sublime Slim Patch actually leaves my skin looking, well, sublime, I want to be symmetrical about it.