Of Stealth and Sneakiness

It’s not that I dislike customers; it’s that I hate them. I know they pay my salary and all, but avoiding them remains my Number One Priority at The Shop. Since digging a tunnel from Reggie #1 to the break room is out, I’ve developed a new plan—a new route, actually, which allows me to…

One month later

Today is a very special day—none other than the one month anniversary of Before I Quit My Day Job!  I’ve decided to celebrate by stickin’ it to The Man and not going to work.  Actually, it’s my day off, so I don’t have to go to work anyway.  But even if I did, I wouldn’t,…

Running the Gauntlet

I’m working on a new project.  It’s called “How to Avoid Customers While Walking to the Break Room” and before you ask, this is harder than it sounds.  Corporate conspires to make our lives as miserable as possible—in fact, they probably have strategic planning sessions and business development retreats for this very purpose— and they…

My Third Praise Card

Today, the unthinkable happened.  I received my third Praise Card.  And no, I don’t mean “Praise” in the religious sense (although we do get a fair amount of COPS in The Shop: “Christians Out Promoting the Savior,” according to their embroidered baseball caps).  I’m talking about the little yellow index cards that well-meaning customers fill…

Corporate Comes to Call

At exactly 11:13am on Thursday morning, The Shop’s corporate cavalcade rolled into the parking lot.  “The mother ship has landed!” I hissed into my headset.  As The Shop’s Front End Specialist, I was on look out duty, and even though I devote a substantial portion of each day to hating my job, I took this…

Of Daydreams and Die Cut Machines

Tomorrow is going to be a big day at The Shop.  Corporate is coming.  As so are the company’s investors, which means that the future of The Shop (and all Associated Shops) lies in our hands.  At least, that is what Head Boss told me, which would explain why we’re no longer having friendly conversations…

And the winner is…

The results are in.  (If you’re just tuning in, we’ve had a little contest here at “Before I Quit My Day Job” in which readers were asked to provide an appropriate or creatively inappropriate response to the question “May I have your zip code?”)  After sorting through the excuses (“Teacher, my dogs ate my homework…seriously…

The Miseries of Mass Transit

Today’s to-do list required a trip to Temple University, which required braving the underbelly of the South Eastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority.  Otherwise known as SEPTA, or f*cking SEPTA to the majority of the population, SEPTA is the crown jewel of Philadelphia’s civic disasters (proposed casino’s along the riverfront are up there as well, right beside…